UnNews:"Don't Tell Anybody" - Federal Bureau of Narcotics

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27 February 2008

Somewhere in the Mid-West, Top Secret Something important is happening in the Mid-West, but officials remain tight lipped about the subject. They were also wearing shades, looked like they had been awake for several days and were considerably bummed out.

Searching on all surfaces and through loose gravel for traces of narcotics, often with their tongues, Agents reported that a new age has begun, where people will be brought closer together in poverty. The DEA would appreciate any donations at this time to keep the love pumping down at their hipster palace, in either smokable or insuffulatable form.

If anybody has some smack, that would also really help a bunch of paranoid Federal Agents come down right now... and we all know how much America needs that, sugar, so if you could spare a fiver until Wednesday you know I'm good for it baby.

[edit] Sources

• Not me "Oh shit I smoked crack". Don't Ever Tell Anyone Quarterly, Feb. 27, 2 minutes to midnight