UnNews:"Tornado jumping" proves deadly sport

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7 September 2007

ARMPIT, Iowa-- Dr. Stephen Davidson was a quiet, yet brilliant individual. Yet underneath the calm exterior was a man who craved adrenaline. A family physician for eight years, he left his successful practice to pursue cancer research. Only days away from announcing he had discovered a revolutionary cure for cancer, he was killed in a freak turn of events. What was meant to be a fun experience turned disastrous only moments after he took his first "tornado jump".

His wife watched with excitement as her husband ran ahead of her into the base of the raging storm. As she struggled to catch up, her excitement turned to horror on seeing him taken up by the storm, dragged along the ground, only to smash into a large tree trunk at 300 miles an hour. She quickly aborted her own jump, turned, and ran away. Tearfully, she recalls the last thirty seconds of his life. "At that moment, he seemed like a little child, about to have icecream for the first time...and then..."

Dr. Davidson died instantly at the age of 42. His body has not yet been found. He is survived by his wife, dog, and thirty-seven and a half children (the last one was a freak).

Tornado jumping is a new, and growingly popular, extreme sport which began recently in the trailer parks of the Western Tornado Belt. Founded by billionaire tycoon Sir Richard Branson, this extreme sport involves running into the base of a tornado, and being catapulted many miles into the sky. According to Branson's book, Tornado Jumping for Idiots, "...the most skilled tornado-jumper will be able to return safely to the ground by tactfully and gracefully falling back into the funnel of the tornado, and touch down just as the updraft of the storm dissipates." Branson continues, "Timing is everything."

Branson, a self-proclaimed playboy with an affection for extreme sports, thinks this is the second-most extreme sport imagineable, next to Russian Roulette with a machine gun. When asked about his thoughts on the death of Dr. Davidson, he was dismayed, exclaiming, "Yet another fool who didn't study my book?!" Branson has successfully tornado-jumped all over the United States. "If he read my book, he would have been an idiot, not a fool!" No one has had an opportunity to see Branson in action in this particular sport, as he "prefers jumping by himself, away from others".

Thus far, all 29 of the individuals who have attempted this sport have either been killed, or reported missing.

NOTE: This reporter is no longer considering trying this sport.

Jamb 19:19, 7 September 2007 (UTC)

This article features first-hand journalism by an UnNews member.