UnNews:Archive/September 2007
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[edit] September 1
- Topeka, Kansas is proclaimed "Whaling Capital of the USA"
- Amy Winehouse sentenced to a month in rehab; she says, "No no no!"
- Mythical beast discovered as road kill
- Japanese men battle "unsightly bulges"
[edit] September 2
[edit] September 3
- Hurricane George sweeps across North America, barely hits anything
- Osama Bin Laden makes surprise visit to the United States
- Shark scared to death by New Yorkers
- African-American parents upset over BET's Cartoon "Read A Book"
- Michael Myers escapes from sanitarium, kills Christopher Walken
[edit] September 4
- Latest Bible sequel sales disappointment
- Army Corps in New Orleans meets bump in the road to rebuilding
- Study finds that Bush failed to meet 11 of 18 mental development benchmarks
- Risque sand castle contest entry disqualified
- Russia deploys balloon fleet to patrol skies over North Pole
- George Bush arrives in America
- Lottery Winner's head looks like a Pear
- Life After Buffy: The Musical
- Suspect sought in meatball misadventure
[edit] September 5
- Boy severs penis in half
- Craig calls it quits on calling it quits
- Ugly women are unwanted, study says
[edit] September 6
- Chelsea relieved by lack of attendance at Rosenborg match
- Uncyclopedia author found to have false credentials
- UNA finally dumps old dollar
- Luciano "The Burger King" Pavarotti died
- Senator Larry Craig changes mind about resignation, sexual orientation
- Superman holds the first shape-shifting competition of super-heroes
- The White House discovered to be off-white!
[edit] September 7
- Terrorist group claims responsibility for Craig sex scandal
- "Tornado jumping" proves deadly sport
- Autopsy reveals popcorn fumes killed opera star
- Doctors warn of Scrotox dangers
- Fashion police tell Austin woman "girlfriend, that outfit has GOT to go!"
- Teen suicide baffles neighborhood and internet sites
[edit] September 8
[edit] September 9
- Sick Bastard arrested for "asalting" police officer's burger
- Subprime mortgage woes hit Wikipedia, article count drops below 1 million
- Call for world leaders' penis size to be made public
[edit] September 10
- Fred Bush: George W's Long-Lost Brother?
- "Winds of War Not Brewing Due to Regional Fan Malfunction"
- Local police baffled by Millionaire's Suicide
- Barrymore faces more questioning on "not actually being very funny, ever"
- Researchers report, "Bacon taste good"
- Pregnant women to be given £200 for weed
- New study shows that 50% of Americans disagree with the other 50% of Americans
[edit] September 11
- International Community Reacts to Nude Photos of "High School Musical" Actress
- Dangerous Chinese drink spawns yet another recall
- The county of Gloucestershire is “utterly useless” says committee
- Big Brother twins to be "turned into plastic dolls"
- Indestructible TV host survives another "fatal" accident
- UK Schools Secretary is Ed Balls
- Authenticity of latest bin Laden video questioned
- Osama bin Laden to release next video exclusively on Blu-ray DVD
- Babel politics (or is that "babble politics"?)
[edit] September 12
- 'Enchanted Sword may solve' missing Madeleine Case
- Cairne Bloodhoof praises 9/13 attackers in video message
- Judge: New England Patriot Act violates Constitution
[edit] September 13
- Playboy finds true love at last: Pie
- Putin's surprise nomination shocks Indonesia
- TV Guide publishes annual
- New Study Finds 78% of Americans are unhappy with television size
[edit] September 14
- US Now Denying Any Association with Belichick
- Italians stage pasta strike
- Dr. Uwe Boll mauled to death by Zombie-Rabbit-Pigeons - Onlookers Dance on Grave
- Pigeon and Monkey to wed, Flying Monkeys now inevitable
- Japan launches first "anal" probe
[edit] September 15
- Uncyclopedia sues Wikipedia for showing slanderous articles saying that all information on Uncyclopedia is false
- O.J. Simpson to replace Alberto Gonzales as U.S. attorney general
- Leave Britney Alone supporter a complete fuck-up
[edit] September 16
- Simpson proclaims innocence, vows to find "the real burglar"
- Apple plans new iPod death base
- More than 200 arrested at DC protest
- What now for man raised by puffins?
[edit] September 17
- Robert Jordan gets away with it
- A family in a small town demands a change in news broadcasting
- Google gets blocked by Walt Disney
- Sausage company admits advertising boner
[edit] September 18
- Vacationer regrets choice of destination
- Bin Laden releases new video, America responds with indifference
- Led Zeppelin members to reunite in November, if they live that long
- Rally driver Colin McRae dies; Game developers at a loss
- Scientist Discover Whales Are Trying to Commit Genocide
- UF Student Tasered at Kerry Event
- Rampaging President sparks security scare at airport
- "The Power Rangers" deemed a 'really bad influence'
- Man presses charges against right hand for sexual assault
- Dentist 'told patient to wear a spangly bra and knickers or go elsewhere'
- Ben Stiller renews pact with Devil
[edit] September 19
- I'm not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, Dr Doom tells Space Villain conference
- Aliens visit UK, fined for illegal parking
- Peruvian man blames toxic flatulence "on meteor crash"
- Canadian Liberal Party Leader Stéphane Dion comes out of the closet
- Studies show people who read are better at reading
[edit] September 20
- Senator sues God over election results
- NASA denies claims that wrong kind of duck caused crash
- Bro-on-bro taser violence reaches all-time high
- Woman spends entire night in loo "doing a poo"
- Hydrogen claims Rule over Universe: Chemical Warfare ensues
- Al Qaeda Allies With The ACLU to STOP FBI Anti-Terrorisim War
[edit] September 21
- Nine year old shoots five year old
- Joe Torre found to have rare anti-smile disease
- Mattel sorry for 'design flaws' on its toys after 627 children "lose limbs"
- Terrorists shut down Uncyclopedia
- Community Support Officers commended for "doing the bare minimum"
- Uncyclopedia has a meltdown, Admins have sex romp !!!!
- Wikia huffed Uncyclopedia...again
[edit] September 22
- Anti-genocide group announces new plan to get American government to intervene in Darfur
- Man sues God; is smited
- God responds to lawsuit
- Silverstone bares soul, sort of
- Justin Timberlake sues Britney Spears for making sexy out of style
[edit] September 23
- Sloopy can't hang on any longer, lets go
- Michael Jackson to buy NASCAR Team
- Swastika handbag recalled
- French mime artist dead, foul play suspected
[edit] September 24
- "Airbags must be filled with nails", Think! says
- Pakistan loses World Cup, agrees to surrender Kashmir
[edit] September 25
- Kiefer Sutherland claims "imminent terrorist biological attack" after being arrested for drunk driving
- Former "volcano base" on sale as ideal home
- Deep-voiced women have fewer kids, study says
- Scientists discover Lucas' Farce
- Kids getting dumber
[edit] September 26
[edit] September 27
- Woman goes beserk after watching one too many inane feminine hygiene commercials
- GMTV fined for misleading viewers and being rubbish
[edit] September 28
[edit] September 29
- Pricasso paints with penis
- Gorillas flee Rwanda protectorate as Paris Hilton threatens goodwill visit
- Astronomical misunderstanding dictates this season's fashions
[edit] September 30
- Uncyclopedia editor actually writes an article using a headline from Minitrue
- NFL sidelines cheerleaders
- God admits "I experimented with evolution"
- Al Qaeda goes green; all attacks to be "carbon neutral"
- Married couple divorces after online affair -- with each other
- 5th period Chemistry sub is a total bitch
