UnNews:AudioArchive

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

This is an archive of all Broadcasted UnNews stories ever.

[edit] 2006

• Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell publically profess love for one another, plan to marry
• Bush announces bold new change in way Iraq strategy will be described in speeches and press releases
• Kim Jong Il kicked out of Hard Rock Cafe for violating longstanding rule against bringing a nuclear weapon inside
• Time-travelling, English speaking dinosaur explains evolution; Creationists unconvinced
• John Mark Karr confesses to murdering Steve Irwin, extradited to Australia for DNA testing
• Israel Purchases Two Nuclear-Capable Dolphins
• Tensions mount between dead Austrian Rap legend and plate of polenta, onlookers annoyed
• After 30 years of marriage, a London man discovers that his wife is actually a rare Yucca plant
• Uncyclopedia’s Cabal Plans to Clean House: Dozens of Uncyclopedians Given their Walking Papers
• Collision of airborne TV station, crop duster, and diaper transport leaves 3 dead, 2 injured
• Serial killer known as "Internet" now caught thanks to victim's brother's hint, trial to be held
• Record percentage of children to dress up as mortgage foreclosure bankers this Halloween
• "Ha! NERNER-NER-NERNER you didn't win" - F1 ace Alonso revels in failure of plucky Brit Hamilton
• Dr Doom: I'm STILL not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, despite his destruction
• Kiefer Sutherland claims "imminent terrorist biological attack" after being arrested for drunk driving
• Anti-genocide group announces new plan to get American government to intervene in Darfur
• I'm not plotting to steal Ming The Merciless's job, Dr Doom tells Space Villain conference
• "Chemical Ali" sentenced to death; sons vow revenge, anger, denial, celibacy and all those good stuff
• Russia's communist resistance sends bear army to retake Romania, four US tourists left dead
• Hugo Chavez shuts down TV station that criticized him replaces it with new one staffed by Rosie O'Donnell
• Hamas protests 40 years of an Israeli-controlled Jerusalem by shooting Fattah activists
• New discovery by authour of 'Versuch über ein neues Prinzip zur Auffindung der Heilkräfte der Arzneisubstanzen, nebst einigen Blicken auf die bisherigen' expected to supplant petroleum
• Flock of pigs terrorize Senate offices; Clinton still refuses to apologize for Iraq vote
• Bill O'Reilly condemns subway rescuer for "disgusting physical closeness to another man"
• He shoots, he misses!
• Drug dealers go on strike, rehabs becoming increasingly overbooked
• News runs out
• Billy Mays' Head Explodes... Again
• Michael Jackson dies! Also Farrah Fawcett
• Ireland Bans Clerical Child Sex Abuse
• KISS ruins high school graduation
• Jon Stewart plagiarizes UnNews!
• Calvin Klein billboard atom blasts envelope
• Louisiana Governor brazenly taunts volcanoes
• Galactic Empire raises terror alert level to orange
• Kittens Rescued From Burning Building, Grandma Might Still Be In There
• Obama nationalizes America's children
• Political Leaders Agree To Lose Height As An Economy Measure
• Fourth holocaust movie puts Tehran on alert
• Communion gets a makeover. Meet: ‘Jesus Cakes'!
• New Samuel L. Jackson movie, "Goats In A Tree"
• AAAAAAAAA!
• Petting Zoos to be converted to abuse-themed "Punching Zoos"
• Kansas abortion doctor killed in his church
• Justice! Kwai Chang Caine caught!
• Scientific study reveals that David Bowie does not make sense
• MP Claims Cost of Own Conception on Expenses
• Tide pushes bounds of physics
• Obama feeds his kids, revealing his disgusting Socialist tendencies
• New High School Musical Movie Gets Mixed Reaction
• International Criminal Court issues more genocide arrest warrants
• Meg and Demi return for leeches!
• Obama promptly nukes North Korea
• Spy-dair plots revonj. Revonj!
• Lars Ulrich to join Alvin and the Chipmunks
• Vincent Van Gogh lost ear to grues say German historians
• Bill O'Reilly predicts America will become Sweden
• Supreme Court approves death penalty for jaywalking
• Starfleet Academy graduate looking forward to posting
• Arrests made after drug dealers complain of fraud
• Man masturbates wildly to internet pornography and cums all over Pat Buchanan
• 'Atlantis' found on ocean floor
• God escapes from his cage!
• Submarine collision cannot happen
• Syrian IT specialist 'caught' a vicious virus
• This week in dead people (January 2nd to 9th, 2009)
• AAAAAA! gets mispeeled
• NewTextCompressionAlgorithmInvented
• Microsoft patant considarad valid
• AAAAAAAAA! AA AAA AAAAAAA
• Laser printers may "have brought down the Twin Towers"
• Man forgets 9-11
• NONSENSE WATERMELON CATASTROPHE
• Town council takes 'steps' to tackle crime
• Wikipedia Re-Labelled “Pornopedia” By Conservatives
• Apocalypse-expecting cultists come out from cave
• Boris Karloff elected London Mayor
• Something Wicked This Way Comes
• Savage Butter Knife Murderer Strikes Again
• UnNews Media has "turned to shit"
• Stinky Winky assassinated, other Teletubbies heartbroken
• Uncyclopedia hits milestone of ten billion articles
• Pope gets new hat
• Australia to Aborigines: 'Sorry for the killing and the stealing and stuff'
• Clinton quits race for Whitehouse
• Presidental elections cancelled - no budget left after war efforts
• Giant beats Patriot in "Super Bowl"
• Tagruato blamed for internet outages in Middle East
• Microsoft to buy Yoohoo chocolate drink company
• 'Lolita' bed for girls withdrawn
• England prepares for chaos and panic as snow predicted
• Giuliani declares victory in Florida despite huge loss
• End of the world postponed once again
• Bond films to address failings of Newtonian mechanics
• Iraq WMD's finally located - interrogee confesses, Lassie Hurt
• Nickelodeon no longer a kids' network
• World Celebrates some sort of event
• Strange "white stuff" falls from sky, America baffled
• Guantanamo Bay Prison to be converted to "torture your own Arab" theme park
• Jehovah's Witness dies in freak praying accident
• Tobacco picketing found to be addictive
• Alex Trebek fails to answer in form of question, suffers heart attack
• Liberal insurrection heroically crushed
• Cyber-Terrorists Attack Unnews
• Writers' strike expands to the interweb
• NSA bored with your conversations
• State of Emergency declared in Pakistan, all political assassinations to be suspended
• Ireland expectedly lowers drinking age to 4
• Heather Mills in bloody rampage through TV studio
• Paris Hilton to be sent to Rwanda
• In response to widespread devastation in California, Bush declares war on fire
• Heather Mills wants Al Pacino to play her in her tell-all life story
• Child confesses to breaking his parents new lamp
• Harry Potter revealed to be "heterosexual"
• Oscar Wilde ordered to appear in all Uncyclopedia articles
• Rubik's Cubes catch fire during use -- millions of units recalled
• Fat bastards "not to blame" for "eating all the pies"
• Army declares Silly String a "hazardous substance"
• Doctors find cure for weight loss
• FBI discovers mastermind behind 9/11 attacks; "sorry" for previous misconception
• Sting forced to scrap "homophobic" gigs
• Royals Blasted for "hunting Romanian Gypsies"
• US Congress appalled at "Inhumane" two day workweek
• Al Gore wins Noble Peas Prize
• Kiefer Sutherland sent to jail "undercover"
• Unclaimed fart leads to elevator acrimony
• Man discovers that he lacks a brain
• Racist messages found in the music of Carlos Santana
• Schwarzenegger endorses gay lifestyle
• Parents denounce new Happy Meals toys
• Dick Cheney wins Nobel Peace Prize for "A Convenient Lie"
• "Administrative Error" leads to full scale invasion of Tie Rack
• Life discovered on distant planet proves to be a major disappointment
• Police Chief: "Legalise Murder"
• Carter blasts Bush (and everyone else)
• Russians beg officials to bury Lenin
• Misfortune cookies: a new twist on a popular traditional "dessert"
• Gandhi posthumously accused of mass genocide
• Iran to invade Iran
• Pamela Anderson a horrid old skank
• Ahmadinejad snaps up "renovators delight" - US missile base
• NFL sidelines cheerleaders
• Al Qaeda goes green; all attacks to be "carbon neutral"
• God admits "I experimented with evolution"
• 5th period Chemistry sub is a total bitch
• Snowboarding accident kills five
• Astronomical misunderstanding dictates this season's fashions
• Mexican teen learns to drive car while handcuffed
• Woman goes beserk after watching one too many inane feminine hygiene commercials
• GMTV fined for misleading viewers and being rubbish
• China bans sex
• Ahmadinejad pleads, "Send us your homosexuals"
• Pakistan loses World Cup, agrees to surrender Kashmir
• Swastika handbag recalled
• French mime artist dead, foul play suspected
• Man sues God; is smited
• God responds to lawsuit
• Mattel sorry for 'design flaws' on its toys after 627 children "lose limbs"
• Terrorists shut down Uncyclopedia
• Community Support Officers commended for "doing the bare minimum"
• Nine year old shoots five year old
• Bro-on-bro taser violence reaches all-time high
• Silverstone bares soul, sort of
• Kids getting dumber
• Bin Laden releases new video, America responds with indifference
• Studies show people who read are better at reading
• Latest Bible sequel sales disappointment
• Russia deploys balloon fleet to patrol skies over North Pole
• Topeka, Kansas is proclaimed "Whaling Capital of the USA"
• Florida flooded by global warming, Sea World ironically left above water
• Fashion police tell Austin woman "girlfriend, that outfit has GOT to go!"
• Risque sand castle contest entry disqualified
• The White House discovered to be off-white!
• Michael Myers escapes from sanitarium, kills Christopher Walken
• Patients a "burden on NHS"
• Amy Winehouse sentenced to a month in rehab; she says, "No no no!"
• Mythical beast discovered as road kill
• Japanese men battle "unsightly bulges"
• Gays beg Republicans: "stop being gay"
• Craig: "I did not have sex with that man!"
• Schwarzenegger steps up campaign against Zorro
• Thompson to announce press conference about another press conference
• Craig to chair Senate Inappropriations Committee
• Nelson Mandela killed by giant "Nelson Mandela" robot
• Smokers to be encouraged by "smoking is cool" pictures
• "Seductive enchantresses" mar end of Notting Hill carnival
• Lavatory Limbo: Idaho senator caught with pants down
• Ebert & Roeper to introduce new review method
• Alberto voted off the Island on Survivor: Washington
• Michelle Trachtenberg proves she's an ass
• Camilla pulls out of her funeral
• Nothing surprises scientists
• Faux Pas: bad for business abroad?
• Hubble telescope views Nowak trial
• Big Brother Bush: ‘unwar in Eurasia unfar’
• New writing technique good for some, bad for others
• Asbestos and the Law
• New "Halloween" movie getting little promotion; world in panic
• Fermat's Last Theorem solved at last
• Stuffy intellectuals discover internet memes
• Johnson & Johnson sues Vatican over "cross" logo
• President Bush a robot!
• Call for more 'gangsta trippin' role models.
• Monkey 'hid passenger under hat'
• Frozen pizzas manufactured in China recalled by FDA
• Nazi impostor apprehended in Israel
• Barry Bonds hits 755 consecutive home runs in single inning
• Giuliani supports Barack Obama for President
• Iraqi Cabinet setback
• FISA law passes
• Prime Minister pledges foot-in-mouth action
• China plans Cultural Revolution alongside 2008 Olympic Games
• Muslims demand pop star Gwen Stefani to "tone down" act
• Local men secure enough in masculinity to fuck other men
• Laser printers may "have bought down the Twin Towers"
• Fisher-Price recalls toys caked in radioactive material
• Minneapolis bridge collapse foils terrorist plan to blow up same bridge
• Wal-Mart plans to sell Jesus relics
• Killer UK shark "just a plank of wood or something"
• Defenseless Hummer viciously attacked by Eco-Nazis
• Internet service provider too "creative"?
• High court orders woman to "get a sense of humor"
• Soccer victory proves Iraq strategy is working, says Bush
• "The Unexpected" hits family
• In memoriam Wendy
• Wikipedia "reached completion", site founder says
• Cheney gets a battery change
• Necrophilia okay in Wisconsin
• UK floods turn out to be advertisement for "Evan Almighty"
• Many 'believe myths' on epilepsy
• Man dies after "sting" reaction
• Flaming flatulence rocks military
• "Fiddy" Cent in "redneck" row
• Celebrities brew up a storm (but is it a tempest in a teacup?)
• Terrorist cells found organizing in President's colon
• French Pen Pal disgusted after receiving third letter about the New York Yankees
• Nuke lab makes top-secret info available to janitorial staff
• UK Home secretary: "I Smoke Heroin"
• NFL player indicted for dogfighting
• For Dummies author earns PhD
• Facial paralysis treatment hailed
• UK pupil loses right to wear suit of armour
• North Korea shuts down key cookie factory
• Bush deploys clone army to Iraq
• UnNews Sunday Magazine
• 14 Tesco stores forced to close in bomb scare
• Iraqi PM tells Americans they don't have to go home, but they can't stay here!
• Sacred Bull bites back
• Homeland Security administration declares new "Gut Feeling" threat level
• Tintin Book in "Racism Row"
• Wikipe-tan's Attack
• FBI finds suspicious passenger on airplane, blows it up
• Jessica Alba lusts after naked men
• Study questions existence of the Sun
• “Kindergarten” Scissors cut down Crime
• Global warming an act of God, not man, religious leaders say
• Man dies after having sex with his gun
• Activist treed by “fund-raising” deed: naked may be the better disguise, after all
• "Flatulent" Fumes Kill On Camping Trip
• Will Young ravished by gorilla
• Bush pronounces "nuclear" correctly, approval rating skyrockets
• World ends
• Global warming hoax revealed
• 13,889th suicide bomber reaches Paradise, but Allah runs out of virgins
• Australia in Iraq for the free beer, admits Minister
• Toddler snatched by Oakland Raiders
• Sucka M.C.s found murdered, most Rappers suspected
• Libby pardon denies nations felons chance at Cheney's bitch
• Osama bin Laden teams with Universal Studios for Terror Stunt Spectacular!
• 6-year-old boy receives $20,000 in government subsidies for insect torture research
• Man sits at home playing Warcraft III, gets all the hot women
• CNN's Nancy Grace pregnant with Spawn of Satan
• Paris Hilton is actually a genius
• Study:Outdoor baths cure for impotence in senior citizens
• New thing called wheel make move mud less hard
• Man found dead in theatre showing G-rated movie
• Dissolute border collie has no boundaries
• Uncyclopedian robbed, Keith Moon suspected
• "WWJD?" leads to unfortunate end for local layabout
• Rain falls on United Kingdom
• Mothra looking forward to retirement
• You've got a little something on your face
• Poor planning ruins Rapture
• DEAR LEADER is great
• Encyclopedia Britannica opens up royal rumble to Wikipedia administrators
• Crack cocaine cures cancer
• Conflict in Darfur continues; nobody cares
• Yoda wins "Ugliest Dog Contest"
• Louisiana jails overflow after town bans saggy pants
• Most Britons admit to committing acts of War
• To cut back on sexual behavior, local preschool bans all interaction between students
• Housing demand rockets... but what will they use them for?
• Superman loses endorsements over foot fetish scandal
• Former Cambodian Dictator Paul Pot wins Britain’s Got Talent
• Your grandma might be Al-Qaeda
• Prophet strikes, Heaven grinds to halt
• Dodgeball tragedy: 16 people 'out'
• Uncyclopedia is better than Wikipedia
• Cyber-terrorists attack UnNews
• Spaceman from beyond the future visits UN
• Famous person does something
• Men suffer from phantom pregnancy
• Former Australian President Kurt Waldheim dies
• Police Hunt Salmon Attackers
• Entire world pissed off by Sopranos finale
• Paris declared "cruel and unusual punishment"
• Big Brother contestant put to death for witchcraft
• Hundreds watch public execution, great time had by all
• Attempted popejacking foiled
• Slow news day led to spike in Bush approval rating
• Slow news day forces publication of story about supernatural beings in Brighton
• Police find 'Werewolf' link to violence
• Slow News Day angers activists
• Slow news day results in bizarre death
• "Here comes the aeroplane" baby-feeding technique made illegal by Congress
• Big Brother picks all-corpse house in latest venture
• Doctor Who denies the existence of burgers; Americans in famine
• Royal protester eats Fergie
• Channel 4 defiant over Diana show
• Sheehan agrees to: 'Shut the Hell up'
• Use of phrase "Dirty Chav Scumbag Shit Baskets" slammed
• Nerds take to the skies
• New natural history museum opens
• Monster pig shot in Alabama
• Dr. Kevorkian to be released from prison, sent to help Iraqi suicide bombers
• Zombies to produce "Girls Gone Wild" series
• Bloomberg steps down
• Dick Cheney, daughter's baby look oddly similar
• Al Sharpton, Mormon leaders agree: We're both kooks
• Tropical island buried in freak blizzard
• Tinky Winky assassinated, other Teletubbies heartbroken
• Vote for Bill Richardson because he is a western Hispanic
• Bush Administration - "All is well in the Middle East"
• Eating Dole apples rears healthier children
• Minority-hating Democrats seek to oust Gonzales
• Pretzel assassin caught on White House lawn
• Gorilla destroys Rotterdam
• ED's new reskin rakes in the lulz
• Indian Men "Too Well Endowed"
• Report: News Edtiors Geting Lasier
• Prince Harry stays out of Iraq, opts for France instead
• Hilton IS Messiah after all!
• Falwell starts campaign against God
• Rapture! Rev. Jerry Falwell taken to heaven, everyone else left behind
• Bush confused at 400th anniversary of Jamestown founding
• Paris Hilton probably not new messiah
• Cheney visits Hell to shore up support for Iraq war
• Consumers buy HD DVDs to spite copyfighters
• Persistent Protestants protest punishment
• Paris Hilton new Messiah?
• Cat-Dog hybrid discovered in China, scientists baffled
• New laws doubleplus good for consumers
• Bush in masturbation blunder!
• Snow penises outlawed
• French tornadoes devastate US
• Major aircraft company pwned by hippies
• National Day of Prayer ruined by godless protestors
• Paris Hilton found guilty of driving without valid license, sent to bed without supper
• French Elections: Ennui wins by a landslide
• Chavez threatens to take over Venezuelans' living rooms
• Experts say only one way to beat global warming: A World Dictatorship
• Disney adds porn to televised children's fare
• New food pyramid proven fraudulent
• Celebrity Sex Dolls sell well
• Celebrity Brew test marketed in St. Louis
• Foreign objects discovered in brain medicine
• Nominated Secretary of Defense, Gates vows to use Windows for victory in Iraq
• Left-wing Commie pledges economic stability
• Nancy Pelosi to be paid 50 percent less than Dennis Hastert
• Scientists confirm life dull
• Playstation 3 to save humanity from misery, death
• Black Holes conspiracy thickens: another Black Hole discovered at NOTM paddock
• Hussein discouraged by death sentence, still leads in Ohio
• Study shows 69% of data graphs contain sexual innuendo
• Images disappearing and reappearing rapidly on Uncyclopedia
• Iraq celebrates Saddam Hussein verdict with sectarian violence
• Black Hole discovered in Uncyclopedia, causes a rip in QVFD
• Saddam sentenced to death
• Leader of National Gay Alliance dismissed for heterosexual activity
• Verdict looms in Saddam's trial for murder of Nicole Brown Simpson
• Critics discard Microsoft-Novell agreement as unfunny joke
• Australia shits itself about Fiji coup
• GlaxoSmithKline bummed about Paxil settlement
• Hideously ugly radio host fired for being too polite
• Kayne West upset over loss at VFH
• Analyst: War on Fish will end in 50 years
• Bush stops campaigning after realizing upcoming election is not for President
• Democrats admit they love terror
• Kyrgyz protesters call for vowels
• William Styron, inventor of styronfoam cup, dead at 81
• North Korea, U.S. start talks on IRC
• Recruiters frustrated they can't hire Cheney, Rumsfeld
• People losing virginity later in life; sex is getting too hard
• Anonymous user's Uncyclopedia article hampered by production delays
• Wikipedia report: No stupid dogs exist
• Latest batch of Hitler clones contaminated with Neanderthal DNA
• Woman accused of improperly packaging hacked-up husband
• NASA to put new wipers on space telescope
• Hitler Invades Uncyclopedia IRC
• Britain to use climate change report to push for return to feudalism
• Modern humans, neanderthals may have interbred
• Scientology, true faith?
• KFC to introduce lower-fat "chickenless" chicken
• US terror alert raised to orange after extra hour is smuggled into country
• Hopes for a FlyingFeline audio fails, UnNews rigs for war
• "Low Food" Diet takes nation by storm
• UnNews Reporter consigned to Special Hell
• After Cheney-administered water boarding, Iraqi PM backs timetable
• Safety razor manufacturers report brisk pre-Halloween sales
• Col. Wilson expedition in bit of jam eh wot? Pip pip! Eh-heh!
• All political parties agree to be soft on crime
• Henson's Creature Shop recieves special effects accolade for Bush
• Element 118 created for first time
• Reporters Report that they are Reporting that they are. . .
• Microsoft HiveMind Second Edition offers enhanced compliance, uniformity
• Military allows fat slobs to become soldiers
• Wisconsin's new adoption system earns praise
• "Don't worry, you'll meet somebody," says girl.
• Michael J. Fox pro-stem cell commercial draws flak
• Bush holds press conference on deteriorating situation in New Jersey
• Britney Spears: Everything's a lie
• West Hollywood to ban Liza costumes as "too scary"
• Ban on web gambling boosts "throw away your money" websites
• UK Government: "Slave wage jobs for Brits only"
• World Trade Center found in government warehouse
• Mathematicians prove P ≠ NPR
• I have to pee
• Distracting children lessens shot pain
• Tigers' pitcher Rogers caught using restroom without washing hands
• Canadian troops defeat 10 foot plants after 10 day battle
• Cisco announces new "telepsychic" service
• Likeness of Virgin Mary seen in Renaissance painting
• Emma Lazarus poem updated for 2006
• Militant atheist decides her car keys never existed
• Donald Rumsfeld proposes using textbooks as shields in Iraq
• Sony announces new Deth-Ray recording technology
• Canada goes berserk
• Georgia governor rules out force in pro-Florida regions
• Iran threatens to obliterate Israel for 512th time
• Bush to surrender Iraq to insurgents
• Liza Minelli fired from "Halloween" remake
• Pupils not allowed to breathe
• First MS-Tres development screenshots released!
• North Korea apologizes for blowing up China
• Exam passes up again - "Kids still dumb" says Government
• Jay Leno's chin no longer a planet
• Bush vows revenge on Mother Nature after terrorist attack
• Harry Potter Goes Crazy and Jumps off Building
• Ramadan latest religious holiday ruined by commercialism
• Bush claims outer space for America
• Rich guy takes dump on famous painting
• Fred Phelps:"God hates straights too"
• Big Brother 8 to be more like 1984
• Wesley Snipes to use "too cool" defense in tax fraud case
• Small Town Principal Deftly Handles Bomb Threat
• US Border Patrol ready to catch 300 millionth immigrant
• Saddam Hussein calls for united Iraq
• Legislation passed - Anime banned on its own home turf
• Israeli rocket hits White House
• Researchers discover wrong way to eat a Reese's
• North Korean air thick with kimchi stink
• Mel Gibson extends tape measure 60 ft without it bending
• Madonna reclaims spiritual son
• New type of Jew discovered in Cyprus
• End of the World is nigh, say scientists
• Pigeon hunting banned in central London
• Women are stupid, says study
• Bush declares war on Yankees after pitcher flies plane into building
• Michigan angers Gorgoth the Creator with evolution ruling
• DanielCraigIsNotBond.com turns gay, stalks Bond theme singer Chris Cornell
• James Smith Carpark explosion kills absolutely nobody
• Kim Jong Il's suspected Duke Nukem deathmatch was actually in Quake
• World now completely forgotten about 'Joey'
• Experts want to rename schizophrenia
• Woman charged with using boyfriend as a weapon
• E.coli outbreak proves vegetarians are stupid
• Man has bad picture taken of him
• Online encyclopedia Wikipedia bans sarcasm
• White House releases approved dictators list
• Monotony can cure insomnia
• Rising C's in Asia make American kids smile
• All your boxers are belong to us
• John Mark Karr confesses to hacking Foley's screenname, IMing pages
• Bull of TV's "Night Court" goes on 7-hour rampage
• Jews take over
• Doctors say kids need less play, more labor
• UnNews investing guide: invest in canned goods, bomb shelters, mutant repellent
• Stoners condemn North Korean nuclear tests
• World's 15th largest degu sold
• Local woman wins annual Baby Toss
• President Bush says something
• America celebrates Columbo Day
• Man has Queer Eye surgically implanted
• Man unsure whether he likes Burger King or McDonalds most
• Cows accused of eating infected spinach
• Hip-hop loses classification as music
• Harry Potter to blame for school shootings
• Dancing a continued health problem in clubs, bars Canada-wide
• UnNews audio possessed by evil entities
• Digital anal massage - the new cure-all