UnNews:Austrian man manages to fulfil what is secretly every man's fantasy

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29 April 2008

An Australian, yesterday

VIENNA, Austria -- An Australian man, Josef Fritzl, has managed to fulfil every man's fantasy by having sex with his 18 year old daughter, and managed to pull it off for an impressive 24 years.

His plan was only recently foiled by an evil nosey policeman with nothing better to do. Josef had gone to the bother of feeding and clothing his child, so was only looking for some kind of recompense. The super-virile extraordinaire managed to produce seven children in an affair other media sources are referring to as Incestuous. Incest it would appear has something of a bad reputation, yet all of us are a product of an Incestuous relationship if the Bible is to be believed so perhaps people should stop looking down their noses at Incest, or maybe try and re-market Incest as something "new and improved", or give tax breaks to those involved in Incestuous relationships or something.

Preliminary police interviews also report that he was planning a second dungeon to house his granddaughter and try and carry on his amazing feat for another generation. It is rumoured that second generation Incest children can maybe fly or something.

Anyone who is thinking that this isn't the ultimate male fantasy, well, sales of equipment that is used to make dungeons/cellars has increased by 200% in DIY stores since this story broke.

It has also put a rather sleepy and boring Australian town called Wiener, or something, on the map so surely a statue in the town square is only around the corner.

World leaders queued up to pay tribute to this amazing man's good luck. Chinese Communist Party Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon said, "Wow, that is so hot. Shit, did he really get to do that? Fucking hell, how lucky can one guy be? Is this thing on?" French president Jacques Brel remarked that he was starting own his own cellar right now, and had one or two cute neighbourhood kids lined up. Not all reaction was favourable: Angelina Jolie expressed concern that the wife hadn't got a bit of a look-in, as was only fair.

Other famous Australians who probably do this sort of stuff too include Paul "Crocodile Dundee" Hogan, and Yahoo Serious.