UnNews:Bush: "Invading all those places would've worked, too"

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4 April 2011

Living proof that evolution exists, and isn't finished.

CRAWFORD, Texas -- Ex-president George "Dubya" Bush defended his record on foreign policy today in a written statement, stating "While it is with great pleasure that I watch the infidel nations crumble, it's too bad we missed out on all the fun."

These remarks come on the heels of the growing unrest in most of the Arab nations that the United States hasn't invaded yet, where massive protests have crippled the region and ousted many of the theocratic dictators there. In their place, the protesters have called for the growth of the essential American ideals, such as freedom, democracy, and McDonalds, that were supposed to have spread after invading Iraq and Afghanistan, but didn't.

Bush's comments also come soon after the publication of his memoir 'Merica, where he claims, in the chapter Feeding our Tables, that invading Iraq and Afghanistan were "not just for my daddy and against people who stood up to him," but were "also for my friend Dick and against Arab non-believers, and were the optimalist decisions I could've made after we did 9/11." Later in the book, in the chapter Is I Learning? Bush rehashes the subject, claiming, "Attacking those places was fun, and I'd do it again in a minute if I had the money and time. Daddy won't let me have the money, though, so I build castles in my sandbox and destroy them, instead."

While the lack of logic behind Bush's invasions has been known since before they actually happened, the recent comments, and the revolts in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya, have shed more light on his decision-making abilities. "The current events happening all over the Middle East are exactly what were supposed to happen when we invaded Iraq and Afghanistan," Middle East expert Mike Hunt explains. "It's rather telling that it only happened after we left, and only in the places we didn't torch and pillage."

Cynthia Bogush, a journalist knowledgable in American-Islam politics, stated it in a different way; "It's almost as if Arabs hate America, and this is their way of giving us the finger."


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