UnNews:Even Gordon Brown admits Brand Ross thing is "Getting fucking ridiculous now"

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31 October 2008

Because any article referencing this story needs a picture of Manuel with a phone

LONDON, United Kingdom. After days of the story dominating the front page of Britain's best-selling and, conversely, shittiest newspapers Prime Minister Gordon Brown has made a statement to Parliament saying "It's time we faced facts, this is getting fucking ridiculous now".

"We're in the middle of a serious financial crisis and we're at war in Iraq and Afghanistan" said the one-eyed premier. "I know I'm the deeply unimpressive leader of a gutless party that's shit-scared of the gutter press and so we've let this whole thing blow-up to keep them happy but for fuck's sake!"

Opposition leader David Cameron rose to complain about the Prime Minister's use of foul language in the house but the Speaker requested he let Mr Brown continue stating "The right honourable gentleman is well-intentioned but incorrect, as the Prime Minister has stated it's getting fucking ridiculous now."

Brown went-on to explain that "I've had messages left on my answering machine, not Russell Brand saying he's slipped it to my wife but no less than Raul Castro of Cuba telling me that whilst he hates our capitalist system he understands the pain of Andrew Sachs and has offered to have "foul homosexual-men" Ross and Brand tortured in a Cuban prison; even Osama bin Laden has mentioned the scandal in his cave hideaway, if my reports from MI6 are to be believed, and has commented that Brand would be killed for fucking a respected elder's grandaughter if he had his way. At this rate I'm expecting George Galloway to wade-in with his support. This really has to stop. Let's get back to discussing important things."

The Prime Minister's stance has been criticised, though. Paul Dacre, lead Nazi at the Daily Mail frothed "It's outrageous that this so-called Prime Minister regards there as being more important things to discuss than a pair of billionaire communist BBC fops abusing, masturbating over and spitting upon the finest comic actor this country, indeed this planet, has ever seen. As if that wasn't bad enough, uppity BBC Scotch Frankie Boyle has also made jokes about Queen and Country on the so-called "comedy" show Mock the Week. It's incredible we're not already all living in the BBC Soviet Union."

We tried to contact Andrew Sachs for comment but only got his answer phone.