UnNews:Interview with Nicolas Maduro

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15 April 2013

File:Screen shot 2013-04-15 at 08.42.27.png
A Venezuelan concept of appropriate attire for a politician in 2013.

When Hugo Chavez died one month ago, there was considerable uncertainty about whether Chavismo would continue in Venezuela or whether the President's death would signal the end of his socialist crusade. Last night, those doubts were answered as his chosen successor, Nicolas Maduro, won a convincing victory in the presidential election.

Template:Interview So, SeƱor Presidente, first and foremost may all of us at UnNews congratulate you on your election win.

Maduro: Thank you. There were some, eh, hairy moments back there, but now, with this victory I hope we bring new era of -

Template:Interview Well, before we get into any political stuff, would you mind if we ask you a bit about your clothes?

Maduro: My clothes?

Template:Interview Yes. Would you say that it's fair to describe you as looking like a physio from a South American football team circa 1986?

Maduro: I think I no understand.

Template:Interview You spend all your time walking around in a multi-coloured tracksuit, what about the observation don't you understand exactly?

Maduro: Well, in Venezuela politics, we have more wide, eh, concept of what can wear a politician, like -

File:Scousers.png
A southerner's concept of appropriate attire for a Scouser in 1992.

Template:Interview Yeah I have seen some cats rocking a kind of Mexican cowboy vibe, but where does the tracksuit come into it?

Maduro: Tracksuit is the problem?

Template:Interview Yeah, the tracksuit is the problem. It's a big problem. Even when Harry Enfield wore one in the early 1990s to make fun of Scousers it seemed far-fetched and reductive...

[Maduro confers with his translator to make sure he is following the conversation correctly.]

Template:Interview Is that it? Do you dress like this for a joke?

Maduro: For joke?

Template:Interview Yeah, that must be it! That would explain the sausage moustache too!

Maduro: Now you go too far! My moustache is... I very proud of my moustache!

Template:Interview It looks like you fell asleep and some nasty friends slipped a scrawny dog turd under your nose.

Maduro: That's it! I go! I was promised interview with no jokes!

Template:Interview No jokes huh? Have you tried the other Uncyclopedia page?

Sources[edit]

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