UnNews:Le Stinky bastards: England engulfed by "French stench"
18 April 2008
DEMANDS THAT THE FRENCH HAVE A BATH were thrown across the channel after prevailing easterly winds "guffed" their unwashed stink across the channel to the shores of England. Countless 999 calls were fielded as thousands of people woke up to the pungent, stale garlic aroma of France.
"Christ, I thought I was back in the trenches", World War I veteran Sid Fwackster, 56, exclaimed to Unnews this morning, "when I found out it was the blooming frogs stinking me out of my house I blooming well wished I were, back in the trenches that is!"
Countless people were taken ill after succumbing to the noxious fumes, which are thought to contain a mixture of "cheese, garlicy farts and stale onion sweat". It is also thought that the French penchant for only having a bath once a year may have contributed to the potency of the smell.
Unemployed disabled benefits cheat Fred Fockwhite was unsurprised that the French were sending their stink our way, "bloody frogs, if they aint eating cheese and surrendering to the bloody krauts then they're sending their mucky stink to this, once great nation."
"I blame the bloody wogs and pakis!"
French poodle buffer Marc LeContflupps of Calais denied that the smell was anything to do with him, "I'll 'aff you kneerrrr dat I 'ad a barff errrhnly a fooo mernths agerrrh." he said in that bloody incomprehensible accent.
"mind yerrrh I did 'av a beeg sheet in du sea this mohning, as we all do 'ere in gay Calais."
In France by Frank Zappa