UnNews:Man wants his name back

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19 July 2010

Hayden Black wants his name back.

BURBANK, California -- As Hayden Black stood to pay his respects at his adored great-grandfather's grave in a pub in Cheshire, he bumped his head and uttered "Shitz!", the appropriate response for all Brits, yet something felt profoundly wrong.

The name on the headstone was 'Hayden Black'.

"It was my grandfather's name and ass, but not the one with which he was born. His real name was 'Count Hayden von Wheresmyhat', as was my fathers, which makes me 'Count Hayden von Wheresmyhat the Third.' For me, it is about my Korean heritage. I have to change my name." You can call Hayden many things: He is Korean, he is a helicopter pilot, he is a bone marrow donor, but he would rather not be called 'Hayden Black'. "It doesn't feel right. It says nothing about my family or our history. I would like some Earl Grey Tea."

Hayden is one of an increasing number of Koreans trying to persuade England's State Council to allow them to return to the family names their parents and grandparents gave up when they arrived here after World War II.

A portion of the British civil code stipulates that family names are "immutable". "What's that mean?" asked Black, sniffing the bergamot beverage. "'Immutable'? Is that a word? Weird!"

Authorities are looking into the viability of reverting names. Until a decision comes down, Count Hayden von Wheresmyhat will have to make due with 'Hayden Black'.


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