UnNews:Sarah Palin Undresses RNC

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4 September 2008

Republican Vice President Sarah Palin underesses for the RNC Convention

ST PAUL, MN - UNN Vowing to break with tradition, presumptive Vice Presidential Candidate Sarah Palin tonight addressed the body at the Republican National Convention wearing a red white and blue bikini and went on the attack, calling for proud American white people everywhere to "Fight on behalf our our right to drink beer, our right to carry semi-automatic weapons and our right to pray after we screw at a NASCAR race, in the infield," to thunderous applause.

"I am here tonight to tell you that sex before marriage is OK if you are a Republican. I am here to tell you that character assassination is a God-given right to you if you are a Republican. I am here to tell you that if I get my way there will be NASCAR races held on the Ellipse in Washington DC because we're Republicans and we can do anything we God Damn well please!"

Palin was quick to point out the differences that she has with Barack Obama and Joe Biden as well.

"Barack Obama may think he is the chosen one, and Joe Biden may think that he is blessed for being Obama's running mate. But I am here to tell you that as long as I live, so help me God, that there will be a white person living in the White House and that Romanism will never sully the White Power that graces our Capital. To both Obama and Biden, Satan's chosen pair, I say that you will not get you hands on our women, you will not get you hands on our Nuclear Bombs, and I say fuck the both of you because when I am done with you I will rip off your heads and shit down your throats!"

Palin's speech was widely awaited by members of her party, who were curious to see how the neophyte Alaskan Governor, and soon-to-be grandmother, would face her critics. It was her first public speech after the announcement that her daughter's abstinence training had failed, and that after having unsafe sex with her boyfriend she was pregnant with what could conceivably become the First Bastard born in the Vice Presidential mansion since Dick Cheney's granddaughter was born to Cheney's Lesbian daughter. Palin's daughter got pregnant after she misunderstood parts of her mother's campaign for more drilling in Alaska.

When Palin was finished with her speech, she flashed her breasts to the crowd in a defiant and symbolic show of good old-fashioned woman power.