UnNews:Very small seismic events foreshadow catastrophic destruction

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22 April 2008

The picture would be bigger but it's too depressing. Just be glad you're safe at home in your cardboard box with your tinfoil hat.

Panic, The Streets Seemingly insignificant but spooky low-frequency rumbling from somewhere, verified by a ripple pattern in a nearby standing body of water, clearly spelled our imminent doom by massive flesh-eating lizards or possibly a tsunami.

Although at press time exact details of the exact nature of the seismic event are not available, several amateur geologists hunkered down vigilantly by the side of the road offered their opinions.

"Shhh!" said one with his ear to the ground. "I think it's the yellowstone supervolcano, I can hear the magma chamber swelling..."

Another took frequent measurements with a compass. "The magnetic shift is overdue! It's late I tell you! Look at these wild readings!"

And others pointed, in awe and confusion, at the descending alien invasion in progress.

One obese bystander, pre-occupied with lighting his own farts, thus projecting his massive bulk several feet in the air paused during the apogee of his routine to answer questions about the recent shaking of the earth. "Well, I havn't noticed anything unusual, except that ... Freman Warrior?'"

Freman Warriors then planted thumpers around the perimeter, as per the legends.

[edit] Sources

• Scat "Complete crapathon". Pellets-o-Poo, Every 500,000 years