Uncle Frank

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Uncle Frank is Mom's older brother. I think he was in 'Nam or something, because he likes to dress in camouflage and boots, but I don't think I'd like to be in his platoon or whatever, because he seems a little weird and he'd probably flake out and get me like blown up or something.

He used to have a job down at the Walgreen's but he got fired, I don't know for what. My guess is he was drinking too much fucking DayQuil and wrinkling all the magazines. So now he sits out by his pool (he has this metal-sided above-ground pool about 15 feet across), and drinks from a workout bottle, but I never actually see him work out.

Sometimes he'll pick up his little camera, which he has sitting by his lawn chair, and take a picture of something. Maybe a squirrel, or a bug, or sometimes just up in the sky. He's said he sometimes gets UFOs on film, but all the pictures I've ever seen look like leaves or birds. He says they're disguised. I guess he's paranoid or something.

He plays with my little brother Robbie once in a while, doing these lame magic tricks like grabbing his nose and pulling quarters from behind his ears. Robbie seems to like it. Uncle Frank is just a big kid, anyway, so I guess that why they get along so good.

He lives in Delaware.

[edit] Turn-ons

Slippers, a warm newspaper and copious amounts of petroleum jelly.

[edit] Turn-offs

Opressive NAMBLA fees, the Council of Country Code Administrators Limited and the Atlanta Correctional Center.