Uncle Sam

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Can you pass the acid test?.
One of Ol' uncle Sam's more... controversial posters.

Uncle Samuel "Sam" Samia (c.f. USAma) was the second Protector of the American Way, and was the second coolest person in the world (the first was Jesus). He had no superpowers, and wore red, blue, and white clothes. He is the father of George Bush and the crime-fighter Batman. It would seem he is the uncle of Big Brother. He likes challenging people to pass the acid test, it may be due to his step-semi-surrogate-mother, Miss Brunkard, and her hippie influence on him. Sam says ya might blight eBay.

Sam is American. Sam was a great believer in the ways of truth and justice.

Uncle Sam wants you to not care.

Uncle Sam's distinctive clothing started when he was sent to the jungle of NW Vietnam, where he disguised himself as a young elephant merchant, working his way into theatre. he put on acts mocking the country he grew to love: France. This earned him gigs such as the Dalai Lama and John F. Kennedy, both of which he assassinated. When he returned, his wardrobe was mistaken as the American Banner. The hat came later as a means to disguise his male-patern baldness.

He is currently known to be vacationing in the small town of New York, Kentucky.

He also sold his own recipe for Communist Fries and Uncle Sam's Balls which the Kwik-E-Mart Chain bought very quickly in exchange the cost of the war in North Korea.

See also[edit]

Preceded by:
Apache Chief
Protector of the American Way
1854 - 1899
Succeeded by:
Teddy Roosevelt