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- Long time ago - Emperor takes over the galaxy in Star Wars (TM)
- 1844 - Toast is invented
- 1855 - Following the war of a thousand toasters, the recipe for toast is lost for over 5000 years.
- 1856 - Toast is rediscovered.
- 1857 - Toast is forgotten.
- 1880 - Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, is completed. It smells great!
- 1923 - Start of the Dotcom Era.
- 1987 - A young explorer named Wally is reported missing.
- 2001 - George W. Bush is "elected" by his daddys friends to be president of the United States.
- 2005 - Ego is discovered to be, in fact, a dirty word.
- 2006 - Horizontal Line is discovered in your pants.
- 2007 - Vertical line is discovered in the inside of your pants.
- 2007 - Hitler is finally mentioned in Brutal Dictator Appreciation Day. Took long enough.
- 2008 - The first "sort of" black dictator introduced into the history of the US. People take to the streets with high hopes of a kinder, gentler dictator.
- 2009 - Nut and penis implants are invented
- 2010 - Nut and penis implants found to cause cancer. Some 1.3 million white gangstas are affected.
- 2012 - Dick Cheney dies because his cold blackened void of a heart fails. The world is finally safe.
- 3012- 1000th "Screw Dick Cheney" Day cancelled by Undead Bush