From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- 32 - Jesus Christ contracts bad case of crabs from Mary Magdalene.
- 35 - New cure for crabs invented that does not involve crucifiction.
- 69 - Two young lovers get it on in a groovy new position.
- 269 - St Valentinus is castrated, horsewhipped and disembowelled. 1500 years later, this day is celebrated through romance.
- 1799 - Bad pun day in history - Apparently, James Cook was killed on the Sandwich Islands. Historians aren't laughing.
- 1852 - Ash Ketchum says "I choo choo choose you" to Ted Williamson shortly before his death by being hit by a train.
- 1917 - In Soviet Russia, woe is you
- 1994 - Canada successfully build space shuttle capable of flying back to Earth
- 2000 - Some people are woefully alone on this day.
- 2001 - Everyone who was woefully alone in 2000 is still alone on this day.
- 2002 - They're still woefully alone.
- 2003 - One of the people who is woefully alone proposes an alternative holiday, entitled Go Out With A Loser Who Has Never Had A Date Day. However, no girl will still talk to him.
- 2004 - Not willing to give up, the guy who made the holiday in 2003 decides to make Trek-mance Connection. Now, even nerdy girls still won't talk to him, and everyone mocks his horrible naming skills.
- 2005 - Lonely guy starts an Emo band. Bandmates ask him not to name the band. Girls still won't talk to him.
- 2009 - St Valentinus is reborn and executed for the second time for molesting small farm animals.
- 2010 - St Valentinus is reincarnated as a charismatic frog and gets away with years of outrageous self-abuse.