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These are the anniversaries of Uncyclopedia. Please remember that any anniversary here most likely does not exist and that any event here most likely has not happened. January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December

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November 1: International Destroy Tokyo Day

  • 1053 - Birthday of Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster. Every year Nessie celebrates by not having her picture taken, then destroying Tokyo.
  • 1136 - Tokyo found destroyed. General consensus is that a wizard did it.
  • 1347 - Birthday of Vlad the Impaler, who later goes on to become Dracula. Every year he celebrates his birthday by impaling a few peasants. If no peasants are avaiable for impaling, he impales Tokyo.
  • 1512 - Michelangelo completes the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel; his wife complains that if he carries on at the same rate the wallpaper won't be up for Christmas, when she's invited her sister around. They have a row and she storms out, Valezquez and Raphael come around, crack open a few beers and then destroy Tokyo.
  • 1897 - Victor Frankenstein stitches together a bunch of dead bodies to create his monster. He orders his monster to destroy Tokyo, but he stitched in the brain of a Dracula-Impaled peasant, who didn't know where Tokyo was. Victor Frankenstein promptly began the creation of a another monster.
  • 1937 - Birthday of the Chupacabra, which didn't destroy Tokyo because it lived on a fucking island without one single boat. Bigfoot, however, teamed up with a Yeti and destroyed Tokyo.
  • 1945 - US bombs Tokyo for the heck of it. Didn't work out so well.
  • 1950 - A series of horrific experiments to re-animate dead tissue result in the creation of Joseph Ratzinger. Tokyo was found destroyed a few days later.
  • 1952 - As part of the weapons program Operation Ivy, the U.S. successfully detonates a 10 megaton hydrogen bomb in Eniwetok atoll, located in the Marshall Islands. Most historians regard this as Godzilla's birthday. Godzilla celebrates it every year by attempting to destroy Tokyo, or, if Tokyo is under attack from another monster, by saving Tokyo.
  • 1952 - The next day, a loop-hole is discovered in that once Godzilla saves Tokyo, it is once again not under attack from another monster. Therefore, by the transitive property, if another monster attacks Tokyo, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
  • 1953 - Mothra hatches from an egg, destroys Tokyo.
  • 1957 - Mothra finishes metamorphosis and changes from a destructive silkworm to a beautiful butterfly. Then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1959 - An evil cult performs a dark ritual that results in the birth of one of the most terrifying monsters of all time: Dick Cheney. Cheney promptly goes out and destroys Tokyo.
  • 1960 - Ken Griffey Jr.(Seattle Mariners) is born. Then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1961 - The Cheney Cult attempt to redeem themsevles, but accidently create Your Mom. Tokyo was later found destroyed in a large crater. Scientist suspect an Asteroid did it, but most teenagers know it was your mother.
  • 1965 - Birthday of Gamera. Gamera gets his ass handed to him before he can destroy Tokyo by Godzilla. Since Tokyo was not in any immediate danger, Godzilla destroys Tokyo.
  • 1967 - The Japanese monster movies introduce their most terrifying monster character yet: "Hitler" - a human who attacks other nations without provocation and slaughters millions. His most successful movie, "World War II," pits him against another monster, "Stalin." Stalin is given eye beams to counter Hitler's flame-breath. In a strange turn of events, Tokyo is not destroyed. Modern science is baffled.
  • 1967 - Cookie Monster born, then destroys Tokyo.
  • 1979 - The most successful monster movie of all time is released: "Dick Cheney versus King Ghidora, the Three-Headed Monster." Filming location: Tokyo.
  • 2005 - Sesame Street introduces a new song for Cookie Monster, "Cookies are a sometimes food" and he is forced to eat less cookies to promote good eating habits. Driven mad by cookie deprivation, Cookie Monster begins devouring human cast members.
  • 2005 - Cookie Monster has run out of cast members. He settles for residents of Tokyo.
  • 2005 - Fisher Price created. An innocent child uses one of his toys to destroy Tokyo. Child no longer innocent.
  • 2009 - Billy Mays found dead. Underneath his bead, police investigators find plans for an invention to destroy Tokyo. The world mourns his loss by building his dream machine and use it to destroy Tokyo. Afterwards, the rest of the world is not satisfied, so they use to machine to destroy half of the USA as well.
  • 2023 - In a major upset, the Dolphins win the Superbowl. The team and its seventeen fans celebrate by destroying Tokyo.
  • 2040 - Without warning, there is a semi-Apocalypse. Tokyo is never found again.
  • 2157 - Using their newly invented Time Machine, scienctists of Tokyo look into the future to predict when Tokyo will next be destroyed. The day before it is, they take initiative and destroy themselves to piss off the would-be destroyers. With Tokyo destroyed by Tokyo, the world was happy. There was much rejoicing. yaaaaaaay.
  • 8753 - World peace has been established, the world celebrates by, gas bombing Tokyo.

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November 2: All Soul Food Day

  • 30 - Jesus Christ gives his first public performance, with supporting act Judas Iscariot and his Breakdancing Badgers.
  • 1407 - Your mom was born.
  • 1687 - Exactly the same events happen on this day as they will on July 2nd, 1991
  • 1765 - James Brown eats his soul, hence All Soul Food Day is declared. Satan supposedly interested.
  • 1872 - Oscar Wilde invents carrots.
  • 1881 - George W. Bush born to a pack of wild wolves where he is raised and taught politics
  • 1896 - Queen Victoria consumes the soul of George Washington and as a result, invents the iron testicle. The occasion of her death will be marked by the invention of the steam testicle.
  • 1889 - The tallest man in the world destroys Great Yarmouth by taking two steps East, it still hasn't been rebuilt.
  • 1982 - Countdown starts early and students are happy, throwing away David Dickinson into a pile of trash, which sparked his love for antiques.
  • 1987 - Pismo Beach wiped out by tsunami. Bugs Bunny grateful he took a left at Albequerque.
  • 1990 - German President Michael Schumacher is eaten by a bear, and lives to tell the tale.
  • 1991 - Exactly the same events occur that happened on July 2nd 1687
  • 1994 - Dead Nigger Storage inc. expands its storage services to dead spic, kraut, mick, guinea, goon, chin and cracker storage.
  • 1997 - Where the fuck is Wycliffe?
  • 2005 - Cookie Monster attacks Tokyo.
  • 2006 - Nothing happened. That sucks.
  • 2007 - Tokyo has had enough of this shit and decides to blow up everything on the planet. In an ironic twist, Tokyo destroys Tokyo. Will Smith survives.
  • 2015 - Mr T returns the souls of all those he has ever pitied; realizing he has lost his powers, he goes on a pitying spree and brings humanity to the brink of extinction.
  • 2016 - Mr T saves the human race by having sex with every women on the planet.
  • 2237 - George Jetson dies. His boy Elroy is unable to attend. Daughter Judy's husband, Punch, delivers eulogy. Jane, his wife, devastated. Due to time issues, The Flintstones were unable to attend.

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November 3: Thoughtcrime Day (Airstrip One) / 3rd Bolognese (First Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster)

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Red states voted for Bush while blue states voted for Hussein.  People in Yellow states threw their votes away by voting for Ross Perot.

November 4: Artifical Limb Awareness Diurnal Period

  • 0 - Jesus born. Judaism prepares for storm, as Jesus sports an artificial brain, contrary to Scripture.
  • 200 - Oedipus: One Bad Mothafucka released by Mythic Records, goes triple platinum.
  • 1600 and something - Descartes decides the mind is separate from the body, through logical reasoning and skeptical doubt. Jewishism prepares for storm, as minds are contrary to Scripture.
  • 1617 William Shakespeare arrested for posting his Crabs to The Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expected that!
  • 1939 - After centuries of waiting, Judaism gets its storm.
  • 1994 - Louie Anderson caught exposing himself at Wyoming Womens' Rights Rally.
  • 2001 - God wins Mega-Ball lottery. Fix suspected.
  • 2005 - Today is the day after the day that was two days before tomorrow.
  • 2006 - Ikea declares war on Hinduism.
  • 2007 – Sikorski Aircraft and Swarovski Crystal merge and become Sikofwarskiski Crystal Aircraft. Their first project code named “The Flying Glass Thingy” shatters into a million pieces upon landing rendering it useless. U.S. government purchases 2,839 units.
  • 2008 - Thanks to ACORN, Americans can vote in the 2008 United States Presidential Election on Uncyclopedia.
  • 2008 - George W. Bush defeats Saddam Hussein in the United States Presidential Election of 2008.
  • 2009 - List of people who steal lists is stolen.
  • 2012 - Mexicans win gold, silver, and bronze in Olympic Lawnmowing.
  • 2013 - Australian Federal Election won unanimously by the country's new "Democratic" leader identifying himself only as LMS and ruling with an iron fist. All poor people immediately evicted from country. Economy booms.
  • 2016 - Mexicans win gold, silver, and bronze in Olympic Lawnmowing (again, and again, again.......)
  • 2030 - We lost Waldo.
  • 2517 - Malcolm Reynolds elected President. His 7 year term was abruptly cancelled after only 11 weeks.

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Uh oh... Government go boom.

November 5: Remember, remember, the fifth of November: Explode The Government Day (Britain)

  • 1000 - I go back in time with a car. I blow said car up to fuck with the natives but unknowingly, I have invented the car bomb for future generations.
  • 1605 - The Parliament building fails to explode.
  • 1626 - A bored Englishman decides to blow up the state capital. He does so while screaming his battle cry, "Fuk da Police"
  • 1652 - Oliver Cromwell performs a perfect 10 in his Olympic performance of spontaneous combustion.
  • 1854 - Anonymous inventor skinned while testing early hydraulic barber chair.
  • 1900 - Despite widespread panic and rumors in proposition, Big Ben doesn't explode, but the Prime Minister does.
  • 1934 - Vito Corleone refuses an offer and gets an idea.
  • 1955 - Old Man Peabody's pine trees are destroyed by a 1981 DeLorean driven by Marty McFly.
  • 1984 - Despite the Brotherhood's efforts, Big Brother is not wounded in a suicide bombing. Lets thank him for increasing our chocolate to 20 grams!
  • 1987 - Margaret Thatcher's imminent Silent But Deadly reaches critical mass and explodes in her intestine.
  • 1996 - Bickering in Parliament over the proper pronunciation of tyranny escalates to two fatalities in the House of Lords by cranial explosion.
  • 1997 - V is for Vendetta.
  • 2001 - Terrorists try to blow up Parliament. Tony Blair declares the War on Catholics.
  • 2003 - Catholics win by recruiting Emo Hitler.
  • 2004 - Tony Blair comes back from the grave with Robocop to conquer Italy.
  • 2005 - The first Time Machine is built in 12 seconds, and malfunctions, causing Earth to be turned into bacon.
  • 2006 - Vatican City falls to Tony Blair and Robocop. Dispute over who gets to be Pope begins. End of the Five-Day War somewhat overshadowed by this event.
  • 2007 - George Bush accidentally nukes Parliament. Tony Blair forviges him because "he is so cute."
  • 2008 - George Bush orders the invasion of Canada, starting The North American War
  • 2011 - The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appear and are promptly offered their own reality TV show.
  • 2022 - Some guy wearing a mask in London blows some shit up, rioting doesn't ensue (it's England NOT France)

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The earliest Rickroll video with Rickus Astlius of Sparta, recorded at around 475 BCE.
  • 1978 - The BBC Children in Need Telethon raises nothing.
  • 1990 - ANT1 (Antena) is launched: the first programme was "TA NEA TOY ANT1".
  • 1990 - ANT1 (Ant-ember) is launched: the first programme was "OXI TA NEA TOY ANT1".
  • 1992 - Lottery numbers: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 50: Bonus ball -7.
  • 1997 - The XNYAPHPCRUTGPL (X-Men's Not Yet Another PHP Hypertext Preprocessor Clone Released Under The GNU's Not Unix Public License) is released.
  • 2001 - An intriguing way of linking articles is discovered (Check the editor version of this entry to find out how).
  • 2008 - Someone will mix the above with more boring anniversaries such as these, and the world is finally guaranteed never to end, until 5.5/Apple/26, at least.
  • 2009 - Some nerd is expected to discover this page and delights at the previous Doctor Who reference.

More November 6 Anniversaries...

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You should always appreciate a leaf blower that does a good job.

November 7: Blowjob Appreciation Day, Canada

  • 521 - The Visigoths opt out of sacking Rome for the third time in a row, preferring to sit around in the dark and complain about how horrible life is while listening to whiny synthesized music.
  • 1951 - General Jack Ripper becomes the first man to reject a blowjob in order to preserve the purity of his bodily fluids.
  • 1993 - The state of Iowa closes for cleaning.
  • 1985 - The People's Republic of Lasconia nuked off the map and subsequently wiped from everyone's memory.
  • 1990 - The People of Australia celebrate as another person is borne. His name is Saxon Strauss and will soon take over the world and the Uncyclopedia company.
  • 1996 - NASA launches the Mars Global Surveyor to search the universe for Mars Bars.
  • 1995 - Baldness is now considered a disease, aswell as bad teeth and gingeritous.
  • 1999 - President Bill Clinton, a native-born Canadian, celebrates his favorite Canadian holiday. Republicans feel left out.
  • 2000 - Glace Bay is flooded by 100 feet of cold November rain
  • 2005 - Kate Bush's first album in 27 years, the 27 disk set Antenna, released.
  • 2006 - Stephen Fry suicide bombs the houses of parliament and the white house simultaneously. his last words where "Don't fuck with Shakespeare, He's watching you!"
  • 2006 - The US Midterm Erections are marked by a series of negative political adverts and lots of Viagra. (Oops, did I say 'Viagra'? I meant 'pee pee medicine'.)
  • 2007Infinity - Gregorian calendar is rearranged into 13 months. Each month is now comprised of 4 weeks of 7 days. The extra month is placed between July and August and is called Fred. New Years Eve is discarded as a day “just to make it all work nicely”. As a result, each 364 day year has no ending and the space time continuum is tossed into an infinite loop. This minor oversight is rectified the day before our universe fades out of existence.
  • 2012 - Man becomes pregnant after blowjob.

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November 8: Erectional Pleasure Day

  • 1000000 BC - On the plains of Africa, the Australopithecus encounters an eerie black monolith, and for the first time in history, stands erect. Moments later, with "Also sprach Zarathustra" blaring in the background, the Australopithecus realizes his hands are now free, and begins to experiment with tool use. If you know what I mean.
  • 2059 BC - Taj Mahal, "Man's greatest erection for a woman" built in India.
  • 1173 - The leaning tower of Pisa gives the first sign of its famous erectile dysfunction problem.
  • 1889 - Eiffel Tower erected, giving pleasure to all Parisians. Rioting ensues
  • 1895 - Wilhelm Conrad Röntgen discovers x-ray specs.
  • 1901 - Washington Monument erected as a reminder to all american men that their penis is more important than diplomacy
  • 1923 - Joey gets a new Erector Set. He receives pleasure from it.
  • 1972 - Man gets first erection on the Moon.
  • 1973 – The right ear of John Paul Getty III is delivered to a newspaper together with a ransom note, convincing his father to pay 2.9 million USD. For some strange reason gives Getty Jr. a hard on.
  • 1989 - Terrorist organization Hamas superglues a 8 foot fake rubber crocodile to the Wailing Wall sparking outrage.
  • 1993 - The Louvre celebrates its 2nd birthday, and the Glass Pyramid is opened. Pleasure is provided throughout France. Rioting ensues.
  • 2004 – War in Iraq: More than 10,000 U.S. troops and a small number of Iraqi army units participate in a siege on the insurgent stronghold of Fallujah. Dick Cheney pops major wood.
  • 2006 - World declares national holiday as men of every race and religion appreciate their erection. Lesbians are outraged. Gays celebrate through an ancient Gay dance.
  • 2006 - Grand Canyon joins lesbians in outrage.
  • 2006 - Mount Everest gets very excited.

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November 9: NWS Day (UK), NSW Day (Wales), NSFW Day (Pornovia)

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November 10: Like Yoda talking, International Day of,International Videogame Day

Talk funny, I do not.
  • 1337 - Oscar Wilde admits, "Actually say any of this stuff, I did not."
  • 1940 - Winston Churchill proclaims, "On the beaches, fight them, we will."
  • 1604 - Shakespeare says to be, or to be not
  • 1863 - Gettysburg at, Abraham Lincoln declares "Our Fathers this continent a new nation brought forth, proposition that equality all men have and liberty was conceived therein, seven and four score years ago."
  • 1927 - Lenin accidentally ordered to execute 10,000 Russian oligarchs imitating master Yoda with the words "Execute, do not, forgive"
  • 1930 - Lovecraft says "Which lie eternal can, dead is not that, and strange eons with, may even die death"
  • 1962 - President John F. Kennedy says "Moon we choose in this decade to go, easy not because of, but hard."
  • 1963 - President John F. Kennedy declares "Ein Berliner, Ich bin!"
  • 1965 - The Rolling Stones release "Satisfaction I cannot get"
  • 1967 - Mick Jagger states, "To meet you, pleased I am. Guess my name, hope you I."
  • 1969 - John Lennon states, "Buried Paul I did."
  • 1969 - Sesame Street was created.....
  • 1975 - Melting fast his fame, sinks the Edmund Fitzgerald Gordon Lightfoot for a song material to get. Write song then "Sunk Edmund I."
  • 1984 - Watching you, Big Brother is.
  • 1992 - Michael Stipe declares, "In the corner, me that is. In the spotlight, me that is. Losing my religion, I am."
  • 1992 - Belong to us, all your base are.
  • 1994 - Born he was, the Foosa of eighty, the human name of Andrew Donohue, he assumed. Cared, nobody did.
  • 1997 - Bjork "Full of love, all is."
  • 1998 - President Bill Clinton states "Sexual relations with that woman, I had not"
  • 1998 - Britney Spears sings "One more time baby, hit me you shall."
  • 2000 - Aerosmith sings "Like a lady, Dude looks." and "A gun, Janie's got."
  • 2002 - President Bush declares "Attack Iraq, that we must."
  • 2003 - Press release Jacques Chirac in states "Missed the toilet with my pee, I did.". Rioting ensues.
  • 2003 - Condoleeza Rice declares "Smoking gun we do not want if shape of mushroom cloud it may be."
  • 2004 - George Bush Declares "Find new killer weapons, we shall!"
  • 2004 - Tony Blair declares "Find WMD's, we must!"
  • 2004 - Paris Hilton Likes teh cock who does?
  • 2005 - Kanye West declares "Care about black people, George Bush does not."
  • 2005 - Deny the above claim, George Bush does.
  • 2005 - Bush declares "Uh, um, forget my line I did." Yoda , "Lost a line, President Bush has. Very embarrasing it is, very embarrasing," replies.
  • 2006 - Released to public, Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare is. Increase, the number of Nerds does.
  • 2006 - George Lucas says, "Rich I am. Release more Star Wars dvds I will. Through the nose, pay you will."
  • 2006 - 5 hours after the Playstation 3 was released, bankrupt, Sony becomes. (or a crapload of money Sony gets, one of those, hmm?).
  • 2008 - Cancer Weebul Bull Dies Of.
  • 2009 - President Obama said "Do it we can".
  • 2009 - Released to public, Modern Warfare 2 was supposed to be. Not released, it was. Riot, the Nerds do.
  • 2012 - Out of office, President Obama is kicked.
  • 2012 - In the office, President Obama gets, thanks to Citizens of America, Happens again, the right thing.
  • 2021 - The national motto of Japan, "May the Force be with you" becomes.

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Beware the Red Warmongering Llama!

November 11: Red Warmongering Llama Day, First World War Appreciation Day (Commonwealth States)

  • 1914 - Archduke Franz Ferdinand is assassinated in Bosnia. His final words were: "I know I won't be leaving here (with you)." While people are still wondering what the hell he meant,War is declared against France.
  • 1914 12:15pm - France surrenders.
  • 1916 - Soviet Russia established, and nothing bad happens to the Russians again. Ever. Instead, the Russians happen to something bad.
  • 1918 - After four bloody years of battle, the first World War finally comes to an end on November 11, 1911 at eleven o'clock in the Morning.
  • 1918, 13:51pm - France claims its total surrender was a tactical ploy to draw the enemy onto thier battlefield of choice.
  • 1918, 13:52pm - Whole world laughs at France for being undeniable pussies.
  • 1919 - Armour plated Llamas invade Vienna. They are barbicued inside their armour with flamethrowers and eaten as soup.
  • 1920 - Llamas in tanks finaly annexe Austro-Hungary. They eat all humans they can find in a Cheese and White Whine sauce.
  • 1922 - A widely-criticized, conservative move, writer Kurt Vonnegut is born.
  • 1924 - Llama gain the vote. Emmeline Pankhust is stunned.
  • 1932 - Hitler held his first country-wide orgy.
  • 1945 - In response to a ravaged Europe following World War II, the Dolly Llama proposes a "let's all chew on a big tin can" policy.
  • 1946 - The sixth and final part of the WWII saga is released (Episode VI: THE RETURN OF THE BOMBERS) to mixed results by crittics.
  • 1975 - The day after the Edmund Fitzgerald sinks (with a load of llamas) Gordon Lightfoot releases a ballad by the same name leading to speculation he orchestrated the tragedy.
  • 1976 - Gordon Lightfoot Convicted of Llamaside sentenced to Death by Buggery, Elton John is his executioner
  • 1983 - Pop sensations Llamarama reach the top of the UK singles charts.
  • 1985 - Austrian rock singer Falco records "Rock Me Amadeus".
  • 1986 - Austrian rock singer Falco tried at the Haige and sentenced to Death by Buggery for crimes against music, Elton John is his executioner.
  • 1987 - Andre the Giant famously disrupts the 2-minute silence at 11am in the United Kingdom after needing a dump in Australia. Cannon-ball size lumps of lethal feces exploded the toilet, and most of the area around him. Steve Irwin was sent to wrestle Andre down, but lost, and was nearly killed after being thrown from Perth to North America.
  • 1991 The Czech Republic and Slovakia officially split citing irreconcilable differences.
  • 1992 All Serbians sentenced to Death by Buggery. Elton John takes a break from music.
  • 1995 - Oscar Wilde declares himself as the new leader of the pop band The Village People. An urban legend states that he was the Indian. In reality he was the effeminate fin-de-siecle writer.

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One way to assure Lightning Awareness is to be struck by it.

November 12: Lightning awareness day (Worldwide), Scheissenfest (Austria), 65th Annual Japanese Remembrance Day (Japan)

  • 1513 - In one of his lesser known works, "Mein Scheisskampf", Martin Luther claims to have gotten into a battle with the devil, flinging his "Scheisse" as a weapon. No shit.
  • 1620 - A number of pirates shipwreck on a gigantic rock off the Massachusetts coast. In a measure to combat cannibalism amongst the surviving members, the Mayflower Compact is signed. In the end, however, nine are eaten with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.
  • 1775 - American Revolutionary War: The Continental Congress passes a resolution creating two battalions of mimes, later renamed the United States Mime Corps. They are primarily used as human shields.
  • 1934 - Over a largish tankard of Guinness, the Irish House of Commons makes buggery illegal.
  • 1880 - Ned Kelly is hanged in Australia for beating around the bush.
  • 1881 - third elemental form of lightning created. Worshipers rejoice, detractors masturbate silently.
  • 1889 - Washington is admitted as a state of the Union; is propped up at a podium to give a speech despite the obvious decay.
  • 1902 - Element 4, Cheesium, first isolated by scientists in Paris. Rioting ensues.
  • 1918 - Germany signs a pact to be prissy for the next twenty-one years until an Austrian prick screws it all up.
  • 1930 - Albert Einstein and some dude you don't know receive a patent for the Einstein refrigerator. No Bullshit
  • 1955 - Marty McFly completes the first successful time travel experiment after lightning strikes the Hill Valley clock tower.
  • 1955 - Doc Brown's flying DeLorean is struck by lightning.
  • 1996 - The Paris Hilton opens for its first customer.
  • 1997 - Nothing happens. At all.
  • 1998 - Marty McFly travels in time to record a porn video with Paris Hilton. It becomes known as knock the back outta ya 2
  • 2007 - Doritos chili cheese lime are invented, thus changing the future of crunchy snacks as we know it.
  • 2010 - Some Stuff Happens, existence as we know it starts up again.

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Dutch duck.jpg

November 13: Quack Like a Duck Day, Feast of Hermaphrodite, Day of the Cool People

  • 10,000 B.C. - Humans begin destroying the forest, driving out bears and things.
  • 832 - Saint Anselm is permabanned from the Vatican for setting fire to the Pope.
  • 1915 - French Army phases out custard pies as infantry weapons, replaces them with hand-buzzers.
  • 1932 - William Butler Yeats marries his dog Chico.
  • 1972 - Mediocre Britain votes on whether to join the European Community, turnout extremely low.
  • 1978 - While starring in an open air production of Shakespeare's Henry V, Sir John Gielgud is carried off by a hunting kingfisher. He is found unharmed some hours later, having tricked the bird into incubating his egg-like head.
  • 1992 - The title of worlds first penguin to eat rocks was taken by Magiwatoo. A penguin from the north east of Columbian waters.
  • 1990 - The first webcomic is launched, entitled Two Sarcastic Badgers and Some Clipart.
  • 2009 - It is officially announced that the language of Liverpool is Quack. Every Liverpudlian goes quackin crazy.
  • 2015 - The French get tired of rioting, someone quacks for comedic value, rioting ensues.
  • 2063 - Jacob von Hogflume, inventor of Time travel, is born in a log cabin in 1864.

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It takes a brobdingnagian word to describe a brobdingnagian face.

November 14: Brobdingnagian word day. Super-Ultra-Mega (SUM) Excitement Over Nothing Day. Jokes That Don't Make Sense Day in Albanina.

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Santa is the source of all iguana ailments.

November 15: Awareness in Iguanas Awareness Week begins

  • 1491 - Christopher Columbus arrives at the New World, only to be told that he is a year early.
  • 1533 - Francisco Pizarro arrives in Cuzco, Peru. He notices that the iguanas have unusually piercing stares.
  • 1683 - War undoubtably raged somewhere in Eastern, Western, Northern, or Southern Europe.
  • 1853 - Deep in the Amazon, Brazilian missionaries discover the phrase, "Cogito, ergo sum" scraped onto a tree, apparently by the claws of some medium-sized reptile.
  • 1941 - SS chief Heinrich Himmler orders the arrest and deportation to concentration camps of all homosexuals in Germany. The German Army, once the most fashionable in the world, soon find themselves poorly groomed and wearing fatigues that clash with their boots.
  • 1964 - Mary Poppins donates a spoon full of sugar and the handsome sum of 21 guineas to the Arthritic Iguana Foundation after her beloved pet Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious dies screaming and horribly from Mad Iguana Disorder, a disease closely related to Arthritic Iguana Ailment.
  • 1965 - Chips invented.
  • 1969 - Vietnam War: In Washington, D.C., 250,000-500,000 iguanas stage a peaceful demonstration against the war.
  • 1982 Wikipedia destroys the Andromeda Galaxy. (sight of the destruction has not been seen yet due to the slowness of light speed)
  • 1990 - Producers acknowledge that Milli Vanilli, who won the 1990 "Best New Artist" Grammy Award, did not sing themselves on their album (the music was actually sung by a couple of iguanas).
  • 2001 - Microsoft releases the Xbox. The most popular game is Hi/Lo, a first person cooking game starring a cyborg known only as the "Master Chef". Set in a futuristic spaceship and challenging the player to serve up meals for an entire ship, sometimes using alien cooking implements, the game is regarded as a classic in the "First Person Cooker" genre.
  • 2002 - Harry Potter takes over the world for a second time and earns a total gross of 98.3 quadrillion dollars.
  • 2006 - Santa continues to plot total world domination.
  • 2016 - 84% of Americans suffer from thumb arthiritis due to excessive use of the text message.

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I will eat your soullllllllll.... soulllllllllllll..... soulllllllllll.... MUAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA

November 16: Feast of Saint Bukkake (Japan)

  • 599 BC - The Inca Empire decides to convert themselves into Christianity, because the emperor thinks hes Jesus, but it is currently known as he got bribed by Spain.
  • 600 BC - Inca Warriors land in Spain, and end up converting Spain to a Christian country
  • 1776 - American Revolutionary War: Hessian mercenaries capture Fort Washington from the Patriots. Startled revolutionaries say, "what the fuck is a Hessian"?
  • 1846 - The letters "æ, ø, å" are invented by Oscar Wilde, He states that he needed a little time off and that he was really bored in the 18'th century.
  • 1904 - John Ambrose Fleming invents the Vacuum Tube. The vacuum tube makes possible electronics and early computers, and it is therefore considered a major advance over the Tube Full of Air.
  • 1915 - Albert Einstein solves the problem of Uncyclopedia's many inconsistencies and contradictions, which scientists had been trying to solve for centuries. His theory states that in fact space-time is inconsistent, and Uncyclopedia simply follows a geodesic line through it.
  • 1920 - Qantas, the national airline of Australia is registered as an air carrier. The first Qantas airliners are Douglas DC-3s equipped with a pouch on the underside to carry passengers.
  • 1960 - Clark Gable passes away. Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn.
  • 2001 Elmo (pictured) goes on a killing spree, attacking and consuming 4923 children attending a Sesame Street convention.
  • 2002 - The First Kandahar International Film Festival is held. All filmmakers in attendance are hanged afterwards as Heathens.
  • 2005 - The 100th anniversary celebration of the Feast of Saint Bukkake was cancelled after the star of the feast declared "I'm full"!
  • 2006 - Paris Hilton... Bukkake... Ah... this is just too easy, in my eyes
  • 2010 - People are still laughing by the idea that the world would come to an end in 2012, the movie 2012 gets a prize of it's comedy.

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An icelandic swan dresses up as Bjork to celebrate Bjorksmas

November 17: International Celebrate Things That Happened On This Day in the Past Day; Bjorksmas (Iceland).

  • 1558 - Elizabethan era begins: Queen Mary I of England dies and is succeeded by her half-sister Elizabeth XP.
  • 1796 - Napoleonic Wars: Battle of Arcole - French forces defeat the Austrians in Italy. Despite the victory, French forces surrender 15 minute later, citing "force of habit".
  • 1863 - Siege of Knoxville begins: Confederate forces led by General James Longstreet place Johnny Knoxville under siege; Steve-O manages to escape in a daring skateboard stunt.
  • 1871 - The NRA is granted a charter by the state of New York, they celebrate by accidentally shooting people.
  • 1903 - The Russian Social Democratic Labor Party splits into two groups; the Bolsheviks (Russian for "majority") and Milkshakes (Russian for "minority"). (NOTE: Later the Mensheviks became the majority party, meaning that technically the Milkshakes became the bolsheviks and the Bolsheviks milkshakes).
  • 1967 - Vietnam War: Acting on optimistic reports he was given on November 13, US President Lyndon B. Johnson tells his nation that, while much remained to be done, "We are inflicting greater losses than we're taking...We are making progress." Johnson goes on to say that after he wins in Vietnam, he will attempt to bring law and order to Afghanistan, impose democracy on Iraq, and stage a winter assault on Moscow.
  • 1969 - Negotiators from the Soviet Union and the United States meet in Helsinki to begin SALT I negotiations aimed at limiting the amount of sodium in fast food.
  • 1970 - The Soviet Union lands the probe Lunokhod 1 on Mare Inebrium (Sea of Rains) on the Moon. NASA says that it's the first roving remote-controlled robot to land on another world. But then again, they also say that we can't live on the sun.
  • 1970 - Douglas Engelbart receives the patent for the first computer mouse. The revolutionary invention will allow men to search for porn with only one hand.
  • 1973 - In Orlando, Florida, US President Richard Nixon tells 400 Associated Press managing editors "I am not a crook". Moments later he swipes somebody's wallet.
  • 2003 - Arnold Schwarzenegger is inaugurated Governor of California, announces that he intends to cut the state's deficit, improve education, and find a woman named "Sarah Connor".
  • 2006 -The Playstation 3 is released in America at $599. Rioting does not ensue. Except in Paris.

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Prior to the famous apple-shooting incident, William Tell actually had thirteen other children.

November 18: Constantly Hum the William Tell Overture Day, World Kool-Aid Day

  • 1307 - William Tell (pictured) shoots an apple off his son's head. What they don't tell in the history books is that before this day, Tell had thirteen other children.
  • 1626 - Due to an unfortunate typo, St. Peter's Basilica is accidentally desecrated instead of consecrated.
  • 1786 - The year 1786 gets lost in history
  • 1794 - The year 1786 is found again. Rioting ensues.
  • 1928 - Release of the animated short Steamboat Willie, directed by Walt Disney. The copyright on this film is expected to expire when the sun exhausts its hydrogen and enters a red giant phase, or perhaps somewhat afterwards.
  • 1972 - Angela Griffith is the first woman to ingest five times her weight in broccoli. Tragically she died after the resultant flatulance blew her to bits. A statue was probably erected in her memory, somewhere or other.
  • 1978 - Jonestown incident: In Guyana, Jim Jones leads his Peoples Temple cult in a mass murder-suicide that claims 918 lives, leading Kool-Aid to revoke their sponsorship of Jones.
  • 2001 - The Nintendo GameCube was released. It sells considerably better than the Nintendo Hypercube, which requires users to push buttons in four dimensions.
  • 2009 - Spongebob Square pants attempts to try on round pants. The resulting wedgie places him in a 2 month long coma.

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Instead of potatoes!

November 19: Thankstealing Day, Anarchy Awareness Day (Worldwide)

  • 2500 BC - Pharaoh Whahuti invents the phrase 'thank you' and requests the phrase to be planted on every garbage can.
  • 461 - St. Hilarius becomes Pope. Ironically, his pontificate turns out to be only mildly amusing.
  • 1600s - Puritans get food from Native Americans, then drive them away and take their land in traditional American fashion.
  • 1716 - Sir Isaac Newton coins the phrase 'Thanks a lot!'. Unfortunatly, it gets no recognition among trash men.
    • Seconds later, he coins the phrase 'Don't mention it'.
  • 1848 - Irish potato famine enters its 115th day; President James K. Polk heard to utter 'I am heartened to discover that the potatoes of Ireland have finally liberated themselves.'
  • 1850 - Oscar Wilde invents Plagiarism. Only on this one day of the year can people freely steal other's hardwork and claim it as there own!
  • 1852 - It is getting pretty damn cold in Russia.
  • 1942 - World War II: Battle of Stalingrad: Soviet Union forces under General Zhukov launch the Operation Uranus counterattacks, turning the tide of the battle in the USSR's favor. Zhukov hurts himself trying to keep from laughing when, during the middle of the battle, Stalin radios for information and asks him, "How's Uranus?"
  • 2004 - Lt. Stealer is tricked into falling down the stairs in front of his house.
  • 2008 - Highschool Musical 3 and Kung Fu Panda paraphenalia (free with any purchase of anything) join forces to become the largest distribution of propoganda the world has ever known.

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Nice to meet you Sophia, my name is Randy

November 20: Sophia Day

  • 500 BC - Greeks invent philosophy(filos=love, Sophia)
  • 479 BC - Sophia invents boobs , millions stare.
  • 284 - Dodecahedron becomes Roman Emperor.
  • 403 - The Hagia Sophia completed in Constantinople. Her majestic domes are just huge.
  • 1453 - Turks capture Constantinople and rename it Is Stan Bull, adding minarets as phallic symbols around the Hagia Sophia.
  • 1910 - Mexican Revolution begins. Mexicans get some Madero and Porfirio Díaz is not amused at all.
  • 1910 - (about 1 o'clock PM): Siesta in Mexico. Revolution postponed.
  • 1917 - World War I: Battle of Cambrai begins - The Allies make surprise attack on the German Trenches while the Soldiers are transfixed on Sophia's Invention.
  • 1950 - Sofia Loren enters puberty. The Acme Hand Lotion Company sees its stock quadruple almost overnight.
  • 1958 - Sofia films 'Boy On A Dolphin'. Years later, Michael Jackson will purchase rights for the remake.
  • 1988 - Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man wed
  • 2028 - After 40 years of marriage, Pac-Man tragically dies whilst at work, Ms Pac-Man disbands the Pac-Man series of games. Forum riots ensue.

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Is it cannibalism if a couch potato eats crisps?

November 21: International Couch Potato Day

  • 1783 - Oprah and Shoobily Boobily ze French Guy had the first untethered hot balls flight.
  • 1847 - The Great Irish Potato Famine reduces the number of Couch Potatoes in Scotland and Ireland by 25%. Tragically, this results in a global Deep-fried Mars Bar recession.
  • 1877 - Thomas Edison announced his invention of the pornograph.
  • 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald gets laid for the last time.
  • 1963 - J.F.K. proclaims invincibility.
  • 1969 - The first AARPNET link was established.
  • 1987 - Oscar Wilde becomes the first person ever to be eaten by a grue and live. Annoyed, the grue eats him again.
  • 1996 - Couch Potato Day is established to encourage nations to collectively sit on their asses watching pointless programs at the same time. Scheduled Programs for this day included 100 Ways to Watch Paint Dry, and 20 Things You Didnt Know About Carpet.
  • 2002 - NATE-Oes invited Bulimia, A stoner, Laffy Taffy, Lithium-Ion, Ramen-Mania, Slavekia and Slavekneea to become members.
  • 2003 - Megatron destroys the earth, only to be remade by Ultra Jesus.
  • 2004 - I Can't Believe It's Not Jesus distributes Nintendo DS systems to cheering (m)asses in Nude York Shitty.
  • 3503 - God purchases Earth expansion pack, "Earth, 21st Century Terror" we all love him for that don't we?

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Peaceful demonstration or failed invasion from space?

November 22: Conspiracy Theory Appreciation Day (not celebrated for some reason)

  • 200 Sex is invented.
  • 1812 - Puzzle potato officially refound. Citizens everywhere rejoice.
  • 1910 - Hekyll and Jekyll secretly meet to create the Federal Reserve System.
  • 1932 - The first time machine is successfully tested.
  • 1945 - Nazis accidentally explode nuclear bomb in Dresden. Allied air forces are subsequently blamed for mass firebombing.
  • 1952 - In Guatemala, CIA first operation gives start to a era of brutal military dictatorships sponsored by the US government in Latin America ... wait... thats not funny...
  • 1957 - The invisible wallet of gold is stolen in Manchester, England. Local swan is blamed
  • 1963 - J. F. K. accidentally assassinated by angry, confused polar bear. Polar bear plants gun on napping Lee Harvey Oswald and escapes in a get-away sled. Nobody looks into it very much.
  • 1963 - Absolutely nothing happened. You hear me? Nothing. If you heard otherwise, it's a filthy Communist lie.
  • 1968 - Stanley Kubrick begins secret filming of the moon landing.
  • 1970 - The Million Cyberman March (pictured) is held in Washington, DC. Conspiracy theorists claim that it was actually a failed invasion from outer space.
  • 1983 - America's largest Tin foil hat manufacturer is shut down - at the same time as a record number of "communications satellites" are sent into orbit by NASA.
  • 1985 - 1985th anniversary of "Going to bed on November 21 and waking up on November 23 mysteriously" day
  • 1986 - Hands Across America is celebrated at the same time as secret evidence is presented during the Iran-Contra trial.
  • 1988 - J.F.K. zombie rises from dead and rampages across U.S. leaving hundreds slain in his wake. U.S Secretary of Wizardry David Copperfield resurrects the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to stop the monster.
  • 1989 - Remains of JFK's brain grafted into a 150ft tall, titanium, laser-eyed, nuclear-powered robot to celebrate the anniversary of his death. JFK-9000 ran amuck and was subsequently destroyed by Godzilla, who had to be flown in especially from Tokyo, Japan.
  • 1992 - Mossad agents from the future assassinate Sam Weaver in Ruby Ridge for unknown reasons.
  • 1997 - INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence debuts his hit single "Noose Sensation".
  • 1999 - CIA operatives go berserk in Columbine High School, killing 14 people including two innocent students who were subsequently blamed.
  • 2000 - Shadow Internet #1 created. Subsequent internets are created in the coming years.
  • 2000 - John Titor stops by for a chat on his way back to 2136.
  • 2001 - George W. Bush places blame on Afghanistan for Terra-ist attack 11 days earlier, when in actuality he did it in order to have an excuse to declare war.
  • 2005 - Federal Government attempt to reduce surplus population in New Orleans fails with just over 700 deaths.
  • 2006 - South Park exposes 2001 conspiracy as a conspiracy; Bush too stupid to blow up planes
  • 2007 - November 22 mysteriously wiped empty
  • 2008 - Squirrel resembling J.F.K. assasinated.
  • 2048 - The first time machine is invented.
  • 3048 - The Second time machine is invented to go retrieve the crucial parts of First Time machine which blasted in New Orleans in 2005 causing 700 deaths.
  • 55441 - John Titor never did get back.

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The sweet taste of victory.

November 23: Official Lucky Glass Golf Trophy Meets Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf Day

  • 323 BC - Creation of GOLF (Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden).
  • 265 BC - Golf drops the acronym and lets anyone play.
  • 108 BC - Creation of golf trophy.
  • 14 BC - First golf trophy race.
  • 0 - Creation of glass.
  • 45 - Creation of glass golf trophy.
  • 924 - Creation of luckiness.
  • 1337 - Creation of 'Lucky Glass Golf Trophy'.
  • 1502 - Creation of blonde girl.
  • 1503 - Creation of first blonde joke.
  • 1792 - Creation of blonde girl who plays golf.
  • 1824 - Creation of 'Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf'.
  • 1825-2664 - Every year on this day, Blonde Girl Who Wins At Golf wins at golf and wins Lucky Glass Golf Trophy.
  • 2665 - Abolition of glass, luckiness and blonde girls.

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November 24: Pete Best's Birthday (US, UK)

The remaining Beatles slowly step away from Pete Best.
  • 1601 - Pilgrims celebrate the first Thanksgiving. Pete Best wonders why there is no Thanksgiving in the UK until he realizes that The English have nothing to give thanks for.
  • 1859 - The great prophet Charles Darwin publishes his manifesto The Origin of Species, predicting the eventual birth of Pete Best.
  • 1941 - Pete Best is kicked out of mother's womb.
  • 1946 - Teacher sends note home to Best's parents, complaining about his sullenness and unwillingness to play bass with other children.
  • 1951 - Mother auditions George Best as possible replacement in the family.
  • 1955 - Learns to play drums. Snares, bass and drumsticks go off and socialize with one another, leaving Best out.
  • 1960 - Makes trip to Germany; greeted with cries of "Rammstein forever, Pete Best never!"
  • 1961 - Plays with Tony Sheridan; burns Virginia with Phil Sheridan.
  • 1962 - The Beatles record demo version of "Love Me Do;" original chorus of "We hate our fucking drummer" goes unnoticed.
  • 1962 - George Harrison stares icily at Best during a performance; Paul McCartney kicks his drum set during rehearsal; John Lennon hires Brian Epstein solely to fire Best.
  • 1962 - George Martin brings Ringo Starr in to shout incoherently over Best's drum parts; later uses it as an excuse to fire Best.
  • 1962 - Best kicked out of the Beatles.
  • 1963 - Best kicked out of house;
  • 1964 - Best kicked out of England; Elizabeth II says her kingdom "wants to go in a new direction."
  • 1968 - Best briefly kicked back into Beatles when Ringo leaves during White Album sessions; quits when he realizes he'll lose his job a second time to a guy named "Ringo."
  • 1970 - John, Paul, George and Ringo join Best in the "Ex-Beatles" group.
  • 1971 - Alice Cooper jumps from a plane and disappears, after collecting a ransom which includes US$200,000 and a Pete Best box set.
  • 1980 - Best kicks it old school.
  • 1984 - Fozzie Bear tragically dies of a heart-attack.
  • 1991 - Seven years after the song was released, Freddie Mercury breaks free and moves to the Moon.
  • 1993 - David Dickinson makes headline news after cutting off negotiations to be in the Doom video game.
  • 1995 - Release of Beatles Anthology allows new generation of fans to kick Pete Best around.
  • 2000 - Pete Best briefly dies for 4 minutes before coming to life thanks to magic.

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'Till the going down of the sun...

November 25: Feel Vague Anxiety Whilst Examining A Tattoo You Got On A Drunken Impulse Day

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Part of the ongoing War on Abstinence

November 26: National Day in the Republic of Bulimia, International Abstinence Rejection Day.

  • 1528 - Rabbits, who were for so long the world's dominant species, become stupid and incompetent by staring out to sea to look for their carrots
  • 1622 - Tony Blair rejects the invention of a sandwich. Fish and chips are hereby the 'standard' lunch item for schoolboys. Oscar Wilde moonwalks at a nightclub in Moscow. Michael Jackson boards an aeroplane as soon as word reaches the Neverland ranch.
  • 1989 - Year 1989 gets lost in history and cunningly disguises itself as the year 1789. No success yet recorded
  • 1800 - Something vaguely interesting probably happened today, but we don't give a fuck.
  • 1818 - The Republic of Bulimia declares its independence from Spain.
  • 1971 - Jim Morrison dies a virgin.
  • 1984 - Rumors flare that Irish band U2 actually originate from Eurasia. Fans rebel, labelling them doubleplusgood.
  • 1999 - Chastity belts are outlawed and replaced with Chastity lasers.
  • 2010 - It all ended (more or less - although to be honest, it's really more less than more).
  • 2013 - Tragic death of Lurgan (Northern Ireland) celebrity Willy the Tramp after an overdose of Buckfast
  • 2090 - The last Christian dies due to practising abstinence.
  • 2100 - The Republic of Bulimia mysteriously disappears. David Blaine denies involvement due to being dead.

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It's the Alan Bean-ie Baby!

November 27: Alan Bean celebration day (the 4th man on the moon)

  • 1000000 BC - Food invented.
  • 999999 BC - The first feast to celebrate food is held.
  • 999999 BC - First indigestion victim recorded. More soon to follow.
  • 999999 BC- Oscar Wilde invents fat people
  • 999998 BC - First recorded case of Anorexia.
  • 999998 BC - The second feast to celebrate food is held.
  • 999997 BC - The third feast ends in tragedy due to a lack of food. It is decided that all other feasts will be with babies
  • 999996 BC - Babies are eaten for the fourth feast
  • 999980 BC - Thus ends the civilization of the baby eaters
  • 1009 BC - First recorded case of anime-character-fangirlism.
  • 1095 - Pope Urban II launches the First Crusade, thus starting the Indiana Jones film franchise.
  • 1895 - Alfred Nobel fails to win the Nobel Prize, in spite of the fact that it's named after him. The following year however, he does go on to win the lesser-known Alfred Prize.
  • 2012 - The civilization of the baby eaters rises from the dead and eats all babies.
  • 2012 - Babies go extinct.
  • 2015 - Mutant babies are spawned and go on a revenge killing spree, millions dead in days for "Making up for Lost Time"

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November 28: Panic Day/Tell-someone-you-know-you-had-sex-with-someone-they-don't day

  • 1834 - AAAAAAIIIIEE! Help! We're all going to die!
  • 1943 - Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, they'll kill us all!
  • 1944 - People die... and stuff...
  • 1963 - Hundreds of thousands die in global mime protests, Mimes assume totalitarian control, only to have it crushed 3 weeks later by Vin Diesel dressed as a clown.
  • 1967 - Holy Shit!Anna Nicole Smith.
  • 1979 - Don't Panic
  • 2000 - Y2K kills the entire planet, annoying environmentalists throughtout the planet, users of Macs are left unharmed.
  • 2004 - Y2K is fixed by a patch from Microsoft, life FINALLY returns to normal.
  • 2004 - Y2K is fixed again by another patch from Microsoft, due to the complete failure of the first patch.
  • 2004 - Y2K can be fixed (at last!) for those users who don't have Genuine Windows software (ie. most people)
  • 2004 - Microsoft panics. What the hell can they not-fix now?
  • 2005 - The 113th annual World Autofellatio Championship contest begins. If you have children, panic.
  • 2006 - Celebrating 445324248432479525 seconds since people invented the tree.
  • 2006 - Jesus has not returned to earth in his intergalactic space pod.
  • 2006 - Person spills milk on floor
  • 2006 - OMG! Celine Dion is playing a concert!!!!!! Nooooooooooooooooooo
  • 2006 - Chirstopher Meloni attacks Emmy Winner Jon Stewart after being screwed once again.
  • 2007 - K-fedex is releasing another album
  • 2008 - Kernel Panic: Segmentation Fault (Core Dumped)
  • 2012 - Scientists apologize for any inconvinence previous apocolypse warnings may have caused. Claim the apocalypse is, infact, 2 years ago.
  • 2038 - Epoch ends. The ultimate bug shows up. Still no Duke Nukem Forever.
  • 2046 - Glucose begins his crusade against toilet paper.
  • 2101 - All your base are belong to us!!!
  • 2102 - All your base destroyed by tsunami.
  • 2105 - All your base rebuilt.
  • 2105 - All your base is destroyed again, by a can of Coca Cola. People can't be fucked to built your base again.
  • 2105 - al;sdkfjoi;as (Aaahhhhhhh!!!! It's the end of the fucking world!!!)
  • 2112 - Attention, all planets of the Solar Federation! We have assumed control!
  • 2134 - Angry ticks fire out of my nipples.
  • 2843 - Bono finally dies.
  • 3764 - SAW 127874 is made.
  • The Future - Jesus returns to earth with many holo-hookers
  • The Future + 1 - Raptor Jesus pokévolves from Your Mom
  • The Future + 2 - Jesus meets Raptor Jesus and the universe implodes.

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Master Magician Carman, prior to the Marvin Gaye incident

November 29: Third annual Day of NEIN!, Spell all 'C' words with a 'K' day (UK High Schools)

  • 1854 - Australians rebel and wave the Eureka Flag. As usual, American government takes all credit from the Aussies.
  • 1939 - Britain asks ze Germans nicely to pul out of ze Poland... but dis ist NEIN day und so ze german public shouts! und so hitler said NEIN!!!
  • 1983 - In a publicity stunt gone bad, Carman decapitates R&B star Marvin Gaye.
  • 1983 - Band Aid release the little known Do They Know It's Christmas? (1983 Version)
  • 1984 - Chocolate rations were increased from 30 grams to 20 grams.
  • 1991 - David Copperfield stuns world by causing Statue of Liberty to vanish into thin air.
  • 1992 - After a year-long search, NYPD gives up search for missing statue, citing lack of cooperation by local eyewitnesses.
  • 1990 - Taking advantage of the 'C with K' day, someone wrote 'KUNT' on the blackboard, and was praised for thinking before being expelled.
  • 1993 - Retaliating against "police harassment" after authorities bring charges against him in relation to disappearance of Queens, Copperfield destroys Manhattan Island with his penis.
  • Today - Someone is throwing a party and you aren't invited.
  • Today - Bob got rob by Dennis
  • 2002 - As a special treat, high school pupils in England are allowed to play Kommanden and Konquer, but not Command and Conquer. When pupils discovered the game only existed with a 'C', there was a mass rebellion.
  • 2003 - Sally Webster and Pat Butcher partake in civil partnership
  • 2003 - Rumsfeld attemps to use magic in order to find WMD. Results are not as expected.
  • 2004 - Metropolitian Police release statement condeming Oscar Wilde
  • 2005 - Oscar Wilde wins high court battle with Metropolitian Police. Oscar Wilde spends settlement winnings on Cocaine
  • 2005 - Snape kills Dumbledore using magic.
  • 2005 - In Soviet Russia, magic kills Snape using YOU!
  • 2006 - Someone will throw another party to commemorate the one-year anniversary of their supreme triumph in having prevented you from attending their party the previous year; this timeyou will be invited
  • 2006 - Dick Chaney made some guy's head disappear. He later claimed that he was trying to make a rabbit come out of his hat but missed.
  • 2006 - A young boy is brutally beaten at school after spelling the word 'Comrade' instead of 'Komrad'
  • 2006 - Triumph, the talking dog, gets neutered.
  • 2007 - Just before dying of throat cancer, someone will write you out of their will for having failed to come to their party the year before last.
  • 2123 - The Magic Circle becomes corrupt after using their 'powers' for brutal mass-murder. The circle collapses... into more of an oval shape to be honest.
  • 2586 - Armageddon.
  • 2587 - Duke Nukem Forever.

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"You've been blocked!"

November 30: Vandalize Wikipedia Day ON WHEELS!!!

  • NARF NARF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  • 53 - Roman general Steralusis accidentally steps in world's biggest pile of shit and is made Roman God of phoesis.
  • 1666 - Apparently, after good old Jack the Ripper offended the Jews with his shitty jokes, They unleashed the common cold onto London. Thousands die.
  • 1670 - The finger fuck day celebrated worldwide for the first time, after the discovery of male g-spot orgasm. Males all around the world commented "Now we also know that we can get an orgasm through multiple ways. We're not feeling inferior to females anymore, and it's great!"
  • 1825 - World's first railway line opens between Stockten and Darlington, England. Rail commuters are left waiting for a train until 1849. British Rail blames scheduled trackwork and weather for the delay.
  • 1900 - Oscar Wilde is fucking killed by Steve Ballmer. This then begins his career of making quotes about hundreds of Uncyclopedia articles.
  • 1950 Ron Jeremy loses virginity before he is born.
  • 1963 - Dalek invasion of Earth. US President JFK is accidentally exterminated when he is mistaken for Doctor Who. After being killed, JFK vows to put a man on Skaro before the summer of love.
  • 1984 - Big Brother finally assumes power - assumes power of levitation. His assumption was false, and he died trying to fly out of the window of his 6th storey one-room apartment in Brooklyn.
  • 1987 - Pac-Man dies of obesity in his home in California. Diet of dots and the ghosts of Christmas Past blamed.
  • 1998 - Bizarro, a confused being that randomly destroys stuff, accidentally stomps on an orphanage, thus, begins the 20 year Bizarrophan war.
  • 1999 - The Artist Formerly Known as Prince, but currently known as Wanker, decides that he'd rather party like it was 1983
  • 2034 - The great Aztek Reich of Nazi Mexico is established for 100,000,000,000,000 years.
  • 2002 - The documentary Harry Potter and The Chamber Pot of Secrets airs on BBC2. Controversy reigns when it is claimed that a budgetary hole just appeared like magic. Tony Blair disbands the Ministry of Magic and replaces it with a new portfolio, The Ministry of Sound.
  • 2005 - Cloud Strife, in a major change of disposition, does something.
  • 2006 - Thousands wait outside of WalMart to buy Microsoft Vista. However, was turn away when it was delayed for another 5 years.
  • 2007 - You are banned from Wikipedia, you cry.
  • 2010 - Volkswagen officially gives away the rights to use their logo (VW) to support Vandalize Wikipedia day.
  • Today - Some Dude rob another dude
  • Today - In Soviet Russia, Some Dude rob YOU!

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