Behold his Divine Noodliness!
September 26: Happy Pastafarian New Year!
- 13,775,000,001 BC - The Flying Spaghetti Monster creates the Universe, then quickly retreats back into his dishy domain until the time is right.
- 75 BC - Julius Caesar finally catches up with the prophet Mosey along the shores of the Mediterranean and crucifies him, along with his closest friends; they then dismantle his ship, the Lasagne, and sell it for scrap, ushering in the start of the Pastafarian calendar.
- 1403 - Alfredo de Spag-Hetti, a merchant from Parma, begins his attempt of translating copies of the sacred texts of Pastafarianism, first given to him by an Arab trader, on this day.
- 1708 - Blackbeard is finally killed by the South Carolina militia.
- 1796 - Robert Burns convenes his first (and only) Burns supper; he dies in the middle of it and is devoured as part of the pasta course.
- 1837 - Humpty Dumpty converts to Pastafarianism, is tossed off a wall for it.
- 1922 - The Flying Spaghetti Monster curses President Warren G. Harding for being so corrupt; he falls ill and dies over the next year.
- 1930 - Wall Street crashes due to pasta stocks going through the roof.
- 1945 - The Flying Spaghetti Monster declares World War II over.
- 1957 - British television viewers are informed of the dire plight of the Swiss spaghetti crop on the BBC's Panorama.
- 1971 - Flying Spaghetti Monster moves into the Vatican, the rivers run red with pasta sauce.
- 2005 - Bobby Henderson announces his rediscovery of the Flying Spaghetti Monster on this day.
- 2010 - President Obama converts to Pastafarianism; Italians rejoice.
- 2066 - Uncyclopedia becomes obsolete, but that was inevitable, because Desciclopédia is clearly better.