Uncyclopedia:General disclaimer

This page is considered an ignorable policy on Uncyclopedia.
It has wide acceptance among editors and is considered a standard that everyone should follow, unless they don't want to, in which case they are free to ignore it, in which case nobody will care. Please make use of the standing on one knee position to propose to this policy.

UNCYCLOPEDIA MAKES NO GUARANTEE OF VALIDITY

When watching Uncyclopedia, do so in a well lit room, and do not sit too close to the TV. We are absolutely not accountable for your actions, especially if you try to use this information in a dark room. Consult a doctor if reading while pregnant, diabetic or hypersensitive to penicillin. Do not pass Go. Do not collect $200. Void where prohibited. Where there is smoke there is fire. Swimming is the best form of exercise. Batteries not included. Do not fold, spindle or mutilate. Call your mother, she's worried about you. Close cover before striking. Game pieces do not actually talk.

Uncyclopedia is meant for educational purposes only. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental. Some assembly required. List each check separately by bank number. Contents may settle during shipment. Use only as directed. No other warranty expressed or implied. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Postage will be paid by addressee. Subject to CAB approval. This is not an offer to sell securities. Apply only to affected area. May be too intense for some viewers. Do not stamp. Use other side for additional listings. For recreational use only. Do not disturb. All models over 18 years of age. If condition persists, consult your physician.

No user-serviceable parts inside

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Unix is a registered trademark of AT&T

No transfers issued until the bus comes to a complete stop. Package sold by weight, not volume. Your mileage may vary. This article does not reflect the thoughts or opinions of either myself, my company, my friends, or my cat. Don't quote me on that. Don't quote me on anything. All rights reserved. Terms are subject to change without notice. Illustrations are slightly enlarged to show detail. Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Hand wash only, tumble dry on low heat. No substitutions allowed. For a limited time only. Outlook not so good. Do not consume raw cookie dough. Ignore previous cookie. After dissolving Uncyclopedia in a gallon of water, do not place the liquid in a jug away in the cupboard for twenty days, because then it would turn into wine.

Surgeon general's warning

Uncyclopedia causes lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and may complicate pregnancy. This article is void where prohibited, taxed, or otherwise restricted. You may not actually edit uncyclopedia. Caveat emptor. Article is provided "as is" without any warranties, express or implied. Reader assumes full responsibility. An equal opportunity article. No shoes, no shirt, no articles. Quantities are limited while supplies last. This wiki has been modified from its original version. It has been formatted to fit your screen. Other television listings magazines are available.

If any defects are discovered, do not attempt to read them yourself, but return to an authorized service center. Read at your own risk. Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Text may contain explicit materials some readers may find objectionable, parental guidance is advised. Keep away from sunlight. Keep away from pets and small children. Limit one-per-family please. No money down. No purchase necessary. You need not be present to win. Not applicable in Quebec. Do not eat.

Some assembly required

The Uncyclopedia lawyer has informed us that we need a warning! So.. if you are under the age of 18 or find this website offensive, please don't look at it. Thank you! This website is equipped with MediaWiki. Due to possible breathing problems under rapid acceleration, all females are advised to remove any tight fitting clothing for their safety. Instructions are included. Children can fall into bucket and drown. Keep children away from bucket with even small amount of liquid.

Action figures sold separately. No preservatives added. Safety goggles may be required during use. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Call before you dig. May contain nuts. Not liable for damages arising from use or misuse. For external use only. If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, discontinue reading. Read only with proper ventilation. Avoid extreme temperatures and store in a cool dry place. Keep away from open flames. Avoid contact with eyes and skin and avoid inhaling fumes. Do not puncture, incinerate, or store above 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Do not place near a flammable or magnetic source. Smoking this article could be hazardous to your health. The best safeguard, second only to abstinence, is the use of a condom. No salt, MSG, artificial color or flavoring added. If ingested, do not induce vomiting, and if symptoms persist, consult a physician. Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

Caution

Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds. Happy Fun Ball contains a liquid core, which if exposed due to rupture should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at. Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete. Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs: itching, vertigo, dizziness, tingling in extremities, loss of balance or coordination, slurred speech, temporary blindness, profuse sweating, or heart palpitations.

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head. Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin. When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and it's parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability. Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space. Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our war planes on Iraq. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. May cause any of the aforementioned effects and/or death. Articles are ribbed for your pleasure. Reg. Penna. Dept. Agr.

Possible penalties for early withdrawal

Not responsible for any backlash or loss of social capital you may experience by associating yourself with our project. Terms and conditions won't apply because this shit is totally illegitimate and going absolutely nowhere. Side effects can include: Loss of Twitter followers, half-assed apologies, storytelling, and anal leakage. Do not look the leopard in the eyes. See store for details.

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Even with advanced airbags

Children can be killed or seriously injured by the airbag.
The back seat is the safest place for children,
Never put a rear-facing child seat in the front.
Always use seat belts and child restraints.
See the Owner's Manual for more information about airbags.
"People's Choice Award" is America's greatest honor.
Styrofoam is not made from kittens.
The U.F.O. was a paper plate.
The nerds on the internet are not geeks.
The word "cheese" is not funny in and of itself.
The older Flanders boy is Todd, not Rod.
Lyndon B. Johnson did not provide the voice of Yosemite Sam.
If you are reading this you have no life.
Roy Rogers was not buried inside his horse.
The other U.F.O. was an upside-down salad spinner.
Our universities are not "hotbeds" of anything.
Mr. Dershowitz did not literally have four eyes.
Our users are not pathetic, sexless food tubes.
Audrey Hepburn never weighed 400 pounds.
The "Cheers" gang is not a real gang.
Salt water does not "chase the thirsties away".
Licking an electrical outlet will not turn you into a Mighty Morphin Power Ranger.
Cats do not eventually turn into dogs.
Bullets do not bounce off of fat guys.
Recycling does not deplete the ozone layer.
Everything is 10% fruit juice.
The flesh eating virus does not hide in ice cream.
Janet Reno is evil.
V8 juice is not one-eighth gasoline.
Merv Griffin is a robot.
Women aren't from Venus and men aren't from Mars.
Fleiss does floss.
Quayle is familiar with common bathroom procedures.
Bart is bad to the bone.
Godfrey Jones' wife is cheating on him.
The Beatles haven't reunited to enter kick boxing competitions.
The "bug" on your computer screen can see into your home.
Everyone online is better than you.
The people who are writing this have no life.

Other restrictions may apply.
This supersedes all previous notice.

Finally

If you're easily offended, go elsewhere, it'll be healthier and less nastygrams.