Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/America

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America[edit]

A substantial rewrite engineered by THE and myself. Please to enjoy.-Sir Ljlego, GUN VFH FIYC WotM SG WHotM PWotM AotM EGAEDM ANotM + (Talk) 04:03, 19 January 2008 (UTC)

Well reviewing this looks like a challenge! Will give it a go... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/e/e1/Goldboobs_Improved.jpg 23:09, Jan 25
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Final Score: 39.05 Good re-write chaps. I remember having a look at this article in its previous form, and I'm glad someone has done this! It really was a mess before.
Basically, I think you need to move away from the 'too much' political attacking of the US unless you can find a way to make it funnier. It smacks a bit as a rather obvious dig at American policy, but does not have the funny to back it up. I think people are happy to read the political stuff, but you have to give em some lolz when you do...
Regarding the structure, it's just a little too wordy in places. Maybe consider reading through chopping out the bits which you feel don't really contribute much, and streamlining some of the sentences which are longer than they need to be. Hopefully you will think some of my suggestions suitable, and you're not short of material.
Hmm, now that you have done this, you just have to spend the rest of your Uncyc life removing vandalism and stupid comments that don't with the style of the rest of the article! That's coming from the guy (with another) who is still trying to re-write Gay. I guess America is one of the most attacked pages on Uncyc. Good luck defending it from the IPs!
Because of the obvious appeal of this article to the majority of Uncyc voters I feel that this article might do well on VFH if you decide to put a fair bit more effort in, but in its current state it just looks a little rough around the edges. Enjoy. :-)
Reviewer: MrN Icons-flag-gb.png http://images.wikia.com/uncyclopedia/images/4/4e/HalIcon.png http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/e/e1/Goldboobs_Improved.jpg 01:03, Jan 26