- 1 Archives
- 2 Latest issue
- 3 I'm putting up my idea for the article:
- 4 I put up another idea
- 5 I'd like to recommend
- 6 The USP is completed
- 7 You can add this
- 8 Add this.
- 9 2012 VFS Derby: Final Race
- 10 Linkipedia
- 11 I'm back everybody!
- 12 An endzone victory dance from your new overlord
- 13 Delivery
- 14 Again
- 15 No issue this week
- 16 Delivery
- 17 The latest meme
- 18 Delivery
- 19 A Song of Ice and Fire
- 20 My first UnSignpost article
- 21 Delivery
- 22 Delivery
- 23 Why, again, are we counting to a million?
- 24 Delivery
Archive 8: Issues #28 - 32
Archive 19: Issues between 2010 and 2012
Archive 20: The end of the Chief era (up to issue 160ish)
Latest issue 
- I can do. Might not be straight away, but I can do it. -- 07:00, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
I'm putting up my idea for the article:
OK, may I introduce you to this article? And also, I want it recorded. | King Joseph® | Contact Goa Tse Clan Priest | Goa Tse Clan Sign Up | | 07:38, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
A Day in the Life of an Average Uncyclopedian
Co-written by Joe9320 and Qzekrom
As usual, I wake up in my bedroom. Yes, I do the usual: I ate my breakfast, which is Uncyclopedio's with toast, grape juice (I ran out of orange juice yesterday) and a nice cup of coffee. Then I showered and brushed my teeth, but not at the same time. Afterwards I put on my clothes, and headed straight to the Village Dump by the notoriously unreliable service that is the UTA Metro. At the Village Dump, I have a chat with the other fellow Uncyclopedians at a nice cafe called BHOP, where they sell cheerful pancakes with the words emblazoned, "Benson is better than you" on the plates. I saw a large counter in which the people count to a million, one by one. I thought to myself, by the time they reached a million, it would be 2020, or later. I contributed to the counter and... whoa, they'd gotten ahead 2,000 numbers since I'd left!
I left for work to write a new article for the Uncyclomedia Association (but the sign says "Cylon Ass" on its neon lights), which was a building made of leftover construction materials, concrete, tarpaulin and held with hope. And mostly hope, as about a year ago, the building crumbled killing over 300 people below it. The article was halfway complete from yesterday, so I manage to edit it. Unlike my boss, I can't destroy someone else's document, or put it in a file and call it "top secret". But I can make amends to documents, or even write a newer, better one.
There was an IP by the name of 68.343.245.130. He seemed to be a nice guy at least, but his first work was rubbish, so I talked to him on how he can improve it. This had gone for hours, and by the time I had given feedback to at least five IPs, it was the end of my shift. I simply went back home by subway, had a hearty meal, and cried myself to sleep. This had been my routine everyday since.
- Joe - I stuck what you have so far into the next issue. If you come up with more we can put it in the one following, as the current issue is pretty full already. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3
I put up another idea
I want this on;
ALL HAIL MR-EX777
Written By Mr-ex777
I'd like to recommend
The USP is completed 
... Two days ahead of schedule. If anyone wants to deliver it around 0:01 on the 19th (UTC) it would be appreciated. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3
You can add this
This just happened on IRC and is like, wtf. I strongly suggest you add it.
[16:53] Mr-ex777 Filial Piety is not even funny
[16:53] =-= Mode #uncyclopedia +o RAHB by ChanServ
[16:54] =-= YOU (Mr-ex777) have been booted from #uncyclopedia by RAHB (Shut your dirty whore mouth.)
[16:54] -->| YOU (Mr-ex777) have joined #uncyclopedia
[16:54] RAHB Just kidding, Mr-ex.
[16:54] RAHB I <3 you.
- I'm not sure. IRC stuff hasn't been a regular part of USP in the past, and tbh I was there when this happened and didn't find it that amusing. I think if someone read this who han't been there it probably wouldn't be that funny to them either. I'll see how we go for content, but there are a few items that should be covered off as actual USP news this week. It might be time we started actually doing that again. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3
- Actually, there's some really good stuff in the IRC qotd vaults (or whatever they're called). If you can find some stuff from earlier years that might be better brough to light, I'd be more inclined to add that in. Easier just to throw the links in here rather than doing a huge text dump though. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3
2012 VFS Derby: Final Race
You can now link to Wikipedia pages directly with [[wp:name of page]]. For example, if you wanted to read their article on Uncyclopedia, you would type [[wp:Uncyclopedia]] and it would look like wp:Uncyclopedia. I think it's called a hotcat or hotdog or hotburninglovepotato or some such thing. I didn't make it, but it works. Why do I need to provide this? 06:58, May 12, 2012 (UTC)
I'm back everybody!
School was tedious but the holidays is here, so after months of not editing Uncyclopedia, I'm back to regain my sense of humor(if I ever had one, which is probably not the case)! But I don't think anybody cares, so I'm going off to poop on Frosty's lawn again. Bye. --User:PopGoesTheWeasel/sig3 12:25, May 23, 2012 (UTC)
An endzone victory dance from your new overlord
Hi, I'm EMC, your family friendly fascist and tyrant. Having been at Uncyclopedia for almost seven years, I have seen some shit. A lot of it I can't talk about because of some gag orders which are still in effect. Some of it I don't want to talk about because even thinking about it gives me sympathy pains in my groin.
But one thing I had never seen before was me becoming an administrator. One month ago, this was something which only happened in my wettest of dreams. Thanks to my mother's influence, I was able to win VFS. Once this happened, I felt obligated to write this UnSignpost piece about this extraordinary blessing known as me.
I will start from the beginning and finish at the end. I was born just like everyone else. Sometime shortly after that, I discovered Uncyclopedia. Seven years later, I became an administrator. As you can see, my life can be summed up as a series of successes followed by more success.
I invite you all to follow the example I have set for you in my years of
servicing Uncyclopedians serving Uncyclopedia. I can assure you that a life in service to Uncyclopedia will become a life of attractive foreign women consenting to your penis for a change. Be more like me. Get born. Discover Uncyclopedia. Become an admin. Make a USP article about yourself.
Success awaits you, especially if you are me.
Hello all, I have completed an UnSignpost for tomorrow, could somebody deliver it? I have no idea if anyone has a bot available for the task, but if someone could chuck it onto talk pages at some point tomorrow I would be hugely appreciative. -- 14:31, June 13, 2012 (UTC)
See above for the begging, please could someone deliver the USP? Here it is. -- 12:10, June 20, 2012 (UTC)
- Doesn't matter, done now. -- 00:52, June 21, 2012 (UTC)
No issue this week
That's right there's no UnSignpost, at least not from me this week. The next UnSignpost will be on July 5th. This will undoubtedly come as a major relief to all of you.. --19:04, June 26, 2012 (UTC)
Here. Please God could somebody help me out with it this week? -- 18:45, July 4, 2012 (UTC)
- Done, again. I'm going to kill myself if I have to keep doing the delivery. -- 09:07, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
The latest meme
is Template:Boner. Heck, I was thinking about creating Barack Obama's userpage and John Boehner's userpage which utilize the template. Is this worth a mention? --User:Qzekrom/sig7 00:13, July 12, 2012 (UTC)
- I'll use it for something I'm sure. -- 13:47, July 12, 2012 (UTC)
I would be willing to do it if someone would show me how to do it. Let me know what you think of this proposal. --User:Oliphaunte/sig2 23:02, July 12, 2012 (UTC)
- It's not too difficult to do it manually, just go here then add a new section to the first talk page containing the USP template. Rinse and repeat until you run out of talk pages, it's literally as simple as it sounds. -- 10:19, July 13, 2012 (UTC)
A Song of Ice and Fire
Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water.
We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive?
I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER! --Lord Scofield Stark 09:54, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
- I think they would have used 'Earth, Wind and Fire' but that had already been taken. --RomArtus Imperator(talk) 09:58, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
My first UnSignpost article
Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals
As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals.
Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er...
Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die.
- I'll put it into the next USP, I may make some minor alterations but you are welcome to reverse those if you aren't happy with them. Keep an eye out for the next USP. --
19:41, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
- Alright, but it will still be credited to me, right? ~[ths] the magic! 20:09, 07/19/2012
- Done. --User:Oliphaunte/sig2 15:31, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
Here is this week's issue, if someone could proofread it quickly that would be superb. I have to leave for work in about 5 minutes so I can't do that. Please and thank you. -- 11:37, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
Why, again, are we counting to a million?
Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots.
After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it.
So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway.
So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to.
So I feel I've been mentioned in the UnSignpost many times, and I think I'd like to write another article for it. Probably not as funny as last time, but still, tell me what you think about it. ~[ths] the magic! 00:09, 08/13/2012
- Gut feeling is it's too confrontational a tone. After all, Hypster is actually commenting as he wants to help the wiki. While you and he have differing opinions, it's no reason to attack him. Change the tone to The question was asked relating to the value of the forum... it has been stated that only idiots would... and the last part So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to. Again, this is all opinion, but I wouldn't use USP to continue an argument in creative differences, but I would to support my perspective. User:PuppyOnTheRadio/sig3
- Hi and thanks for your feedback. I have changed it accordingly. I don't want to mock Hypster. ~[ths] the magic! 01:32, 08/13/2012
- I'll put it in next week's USP. Sorry for missing it this time around, I just didn't see it. My fault entirely, feel free to beat me with a stick. -- 18:50, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
- Hi and thanks for your feedback. I have changed it accordingly. I don't want to mock Hypster. ~[ths] the magic! 01:32, 08/13/2012
If I have to deliver it again I will kill myself to death. Please have mercy on me. It's here. -- 18:51, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
- Anyone for this week? -- 13:45, September 5, 2012 (UTC)