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Student Oscar "Toby" Wilde being whipped

If you're reading this page, you're probably wondering, WTF? Where am I? What am I doing here? Who are all these people staring at me? And why am I wearing nothing but a soft, frilly ladies' undergarment?

We could tell you that you're at Uncycloversity, the "online university that anyone can edit." But that would not only be giving you too much information, it would probably cause you to go and visit a much more useful and educational website — one that provides free porn, for example, or allows you to play whack-a-mole with members of the Bush Administration.

Uncycloversity is a stomach-churning communist plot![edit]

Uncycloversity is an effort by communists to screw you over, and facilitate others' screwing you over too. You can use Uncycloversity to find information about your enemies and other people you need to find out more about. You can also use it to share your knowledge about one of your enemies, and to build vast conspiracies around that knowledge.

The point of any wiki-based "institution of learning" is, of course, to devalue and denigrate the expertise of qualified academicians, i.e., people with so-called "advanced degrees" who have experience at "teaching." These people are referred to as the intelligentsia, and they must be crushed under the boot-heel of the mighty proletariat! Never again can we, the righteous and justified masses, allow our values — nay, our very minds — to be suborned and subverted by suspcious and scurrilous "doctors" and "professors" who claim their "exhaustive knowledge of facts and figures" gives their position (with respect to any given subject) greater weight and accuracy than that of the greater community, whose ability to speak in one single, united voice must never be questioned! Anyone who denies this is clearly guilty of treason and treachery! Such anti-community "intellectuals" should be — must be — hanged from the highest yard-arm!

See below for ideas on how you can help yourself screw others over, or help us to help you screw yourself over. Or, just get screwed, we don't care.

Uncycloversity for dummies[edit]

At Uncycloversity, you can lose and misplace learning materials of all types to provide yourself with a convenient excuse for why you don't know anything. If you are interested in forgetting all about a subject, browse our lack of content to see if the frustration you experience drives you to the point of distraction, resulting in a dissociative fugue disorder and, if you're lucky, total amnesia. It would also be helpful if you could send us money, so that we can continually spend it on various things we like.

Also, if you want to meet other people who are interested in your sexual prowess, you may want to join a friendly online discussion devoted to that subject (and let's face it, venues for discussing that subject simply don't exist, not should they). You may find someone there who can help you with your "problem," or you may want to help someone else with what you already know (or have just found out) about various other people who, for whatever reason, think you're a complete asshole.

Please help Uncycloversity to destroy any potential for usefulness it might supposedly have had by going away and jerking off somewhere else.

Uncycloversity for terrorizing mass populations[edit]

MIR Insignia.jpg

Uncycloversity is designed to collect a range of powerful weapons for a range of uses. These weapons are designed, not just for self-destruction, but also as powerful destructive devices which can be used in the homes of your neighbors. What we aim at, however, is you - usually we go for a head-shot, but in most cases, we just have to get close enough for the shrapnel to do the work.

Though Uncycloversity is only just getting started, we see this as no excuse for people adding useless "content" to the site. We would really appreciate it if you would just dismiss any silly ideas you may have regarding the writing, posting, or even reading of actual content, and maybe also send us more money, in case you haven't already done so. In this way, we hope to build a massive collection of sports cars, yachts, private jets, and other things of real use to ourselves, not only in our personal lives, but also as a means to impress the general public with our enormous fame, power and wealth.

This will seem somewhat redundant, but please help Uncycloversity to destroy any potential for usefulness it might supposedly have had by going away and jerking off somewhere else.

Uncycloversity for regurgitating[edit]

Uncycloversity will offer a space for not just vomiting up other peoples' work as if it's your own, but also for vomiting up yesterday's lunch. Please help Uncycloversity to do this by eating a really big and disgusting lunch that you won't be able to avoid regurgitating.

Uncycloversity for shelving[edit]

Uncycloversity will offer opportunities for people to build new shelves in our guest room to hold all of our cash, gold bullion, precious stones, and so on. Please help Uncycloversity to do this by popping over on Wednesday with a hammer, some nails, and some nice, high-quality lumber. (None of that cheap-ass pine crap, please.)

Uncycloversity for sharing needles[edit]

If you have dirty, potentially AIDS-infected needles that you think could be of use, you can send them to Uncycloversity! We'll make note of the postmark, send them to one of our agents in your town, and have the agent place them (sticky-side up) in places where there's heavy foot traffic. Remember, we do this as a public service to you, so that you won't have to do it yourself — this is just one way in which Uncycloversity saves you time and money!

See Uncycloversity:Podiatric Disasters for pictures of various peoples' feet after stepping on dirty needles sent in by our helpful contributors. You can also read the map to guide you in finding the needles, so that you can step on them.

Uncycloversity for arguing endlessly about stupid things[edit]

Uncycloversity is also a place to argue endlessly about stupid things - about how to teach, how to learn, what the best ways of facilitating learning are, what has worked in the past (such as actual schools and colleges), and what hasn't (such as free, non-professional online "academic" entities). It is hoped that Uncycloversity will (amongst other things) provide a platform for stalkers, pedophiles, cranks, and various types of morons to form communities about doing those sorts of things.

Uncycloversity for communists![edit]

As is obvious from the above, Uncycloversity is a haven for communists. It is hoped that Uncycloversity will not only provide spaces for persons to form various communist "cells," but also a place where themore violent tendencies of our recruits can be utilized to overthrow various "legitimate," "elected" governments. Of course, the important thing is that we have fun and rewarding times together in bettering our world, our societies, and our bank account.

See also[edit]