United Provinces of Yugoslovakia
The United Provinces of Yugoslovakia or UPY is a country established in the early years of the late 1400s. Founded by Winnipeg Rodriguez, famed spanish explorer, UPY has blossomed into a minor, poverty-stricken, powerless world power. In 1954, a war broke out between UPY and Zimbabwe. This was deemed the least important war in history. Now in 2006, UPY is occupied by US officials in an attempt to turn the country around.
The US occupation has done absolutely nothing and the government continues to make outrageous laws to put the citizens in sticky situations. George W. Bush finds it comical and it makes him joyous when he realizes that there are leaders with less of an ability to lead than him.
The economy of UPY depends on the exportation of weapons (and illegitimate love children). UPY is below the poverty line due to their currency. They have so much inflation due to the printing of several trillion bills and only one nugget of gold to back it. Farming is also a problem considering that the entire country is located on pure stone.
The government of UPY runs on the It system. This system is when one government official tags another government official making him It. The person who is It, is the ruler. (This It has nothing to do with law 7 on the List of Laws below.) The problem with the It system is that it gives power to everyone, this leads to many different and outrageous laws. These laws are listed below:
Laws of UPY
These are the ten most important laws in UPY:
- If you are out after 8:30, you will be trampled by a stampeding heard of hippopotumuses that are let into the streets every night. If you survive, you will be kicked...a lot.
- All pets must have three legs.
- All citizens must wear funny hats. If a hat is not funny, the person wearing it will shot.
- All third children in a family must orally castrate themselves.
- All products must have a seal of approval, all seals of approval must have a seal of approval, if this law is violated the violator will be imprisoned in a prison made of pure cold cut meat for 3 years.
- If a citizen is found with a gun, the person who found the gun is obligated to challenge the aforementioned gun holder to a duel. The loser of the duel (if not dead) will be beheaded with a spoon on the next free thursday.
- Every 20th of the month is national hide and seek day. One person is chosen to be it and the rest of the country must hide. Those who are not found in the allotted time will be shot for committing treason by hiding from the law.
- All shoes must have red laces on Friday. They must be dyed red with the wearers blood.
- Homocide is only acceptable on Wednesday.
- All lemons must be sour. If a lemon is found that is no longer sour, the lemon will be shot and the lemon salesman will be roasted in hot oil and fed to the tigers.
- Fires are not allowed. If someone is found with a fire, the fire will be shot and thrown off a cliff into the sea.
UPY enjoys many sports and past times. The national sport is Cage Fighting with Fully Armed Mercenaries.
UPY's food source consists of cow meat. The cow is not provided alive or dead, so citizens must find a cow living in the woods, kill it, de-bone it, and roast it over the top of a volcano (remember rule 11). If citizens are caught doing this, they will be shot, or pushed into the volcano.
The only jobs in UPY include cage fighting (which usually hurts more than pays), being a metal band (see below), or a cow herder, but trust me, don't be a cow herder.
Metal is the prominent musical style in UPY. Not heavy metal of course. The citizens take large metal rods and bang them on anything they can find, thus creating an irritable clanging. A famous band in this genre is BabyEater and the Nematodes.