Unknown
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- Oops! Did you mean Unknown Artist? Anonymous? Or What's-his-name off that thing?
“I don't recall.”
~ Alberto Gonzalez on the unknown
“I wouldn't know.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Unknown
“Scientists love the unknown. It allows room for lies, otherwise know as theories.”
~ Dennis Quaid on Science and the Unknown
“There are things that we simply cannot be sure of.”
~ Anonymous on the Unknown
“What the hell is that?”
~ Bill Murray on The Unknown
“What is this!?”
~ Captain Picard on something he found
“Holy shit, it has one eye and is roughly the shape of a pokemon!”
~ Ash's Pornstar Sister on Unknown in a cave
Contents |
[edit] Etymology
The word unknown comes from the Latin word unknownus, which roughly translates to "the secret of the universe" in English. The origin of the Latin word is itself known. Unknown is the state of being unknown. It was first discovered by Twelfth-Century rap artist Tupac. This discovery inspired the famous adage: I think, therefore I am. Thus, if someone says that something is "unknown", they mean that it is known to be unknown.
[edit] Entymology
There are several species of insect which are unknown. Schrodinger's weather-chaos butterflies are one example. No one knows whether they are causing tornadoes in Texas or not, because they are trapped in a box with a single atom of unknownium. When this atom decays it will roll a ball down a gutter and knock a little diving man into a bucket which will trap the little plastic mice. When exactly this will happen, or why the experiment was ever set up at all, are completely unknown.
[edit] Theory of the Unknown
[edit] Known Unknowns
“I don't know what the facts are, but somebody's certainly going to sit down with him and find out what he knows that they may not know, and make sure he knows what they know that he may not know.”
~ Donald Rumsfeld on What he knows
Most scholars refrain from making decisions about unknown, saying that the circumstances surrounding unknown are vague, and difficult to pinpoint. The educational elite have argued for decades about which school of thought Unknowns fall into, but skeptics believe that it is too soon to make any judgment on the matter.
Example: The unknown area around the area of an unknown star is known to the scientific community to be: "The general area of uncertainty pertaining to an unknown object of an unspecified location." or "TGA-OUP-TAU-OO-AUL" for short.
"Unknown" may also refer to the erasure of memory or existence by a person; this is the opposite of learning. To do so, a person must go to the menu bar of the human brain, click Edit, and then click Unknown (it is found just above Reknown). Many figures in the American culture have been affected by the use of the Unknown, such as That Guy from TV, the other dude in the band Wham!, Chlamydia (band), What's-his-name off that thing, and the villains in the Carebears movies.
[edit] Unknown Unknowns
Above and beyond the category of things we know we do not know, or speculate that we don't know, lies a theoretical category of things, concepts, and ideas which we have no way of knowing that we don't know. These unknown unknowns are called Superunknowns. There has been very little information written on the subject. Studies have proven the efforts to understand Superunknowns are both expensive and pointless. The only thing that theorists have confirmed is that superunknowns are only interesting to talk about until you realize just how confusing it is.
“We can not provide a list of unknown unknowns because then they would be known, Aye?”
~ The Scientific Community on Superunknowns
See Also: Catch-22
[edit] Unknown Knowns
It is difficult, as a community, to agree upon the things that we're unsure that we know. These things seem to be right on the tip of our tongues, burning away at the back of our brains. It seems easier to recall minute details of our favorite reruns than to pull our collective intellect together and piece together the puzzle of human existence that we may, or may not, have forgotten. During a scholastic study at the Discover What You Already Know Convention in Detroit last year, scientists observed that after hours of questioning subjects about things that they did not know they knew, no one seemed to be able to recall ideas that they didn't already know they knew. Rumors have spread of participants leaving messages in the middle of the night, to report that they discovered something they knew that was unknown during the course of the study. These reports, however, were outside the scope of the questioning, and have been deemed invalid by Judge Judy.
“After they told me, I was like, 'Oh, I knew that.'”
~ Scientific Study Participant on Detroit Study of Unknown Knowns
[edit] Unknown, the Place
There is also a place known as "Unknown". As in, "You are now entering the unknown." This magical place is located in the middle of Over There, Somewhere Over the Rainbow, and The Twilight Zone. It is the Bermuda Triangle of magical places. It will not appear on any map, but you will know when you are entering it, because there is a huge sign made out of Pokémon, chanting their names incessantly. The exact population of Unknown is, you guessed it, well over a billion. City governance will release the up-to-date figures as soon as the Unknown Newfound Census Leaders of Everywhere Beyond Everywhere Near (UNCLE BEN) is finished registering every person in this vast, unchartable space.
