Unquotable:Captain Oblivious

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“There is an article about who?”
~ Captain Oblivious

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Captain Oblivious


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Captain Oblivious to the rescue?

Captain Oblivious is a superhero renowned for his failure to comprehend what is going on around him. Experts are extremely unsure about the origin of Captain Oblivious. When interviewed about this, as all superheroes are, he was found to be unsure of this himself, and only after hours of Interview -- they had to repeatedly explain to him that an interview was taking place -- did they learn nothing. What is known is that his name has been whispered in the darkened corners of the Internet since the Internet went online, and that his life is shrouded in mystery. Even to him.

Captain Oblivious has gained himself fame, but he has never realised and he probably never will.

He is one of the Obious "twins", the other being Captain Obvious. Doubt is still held as to the exact nature of these so-called twins, however, due to disparaging stories from both of these heroes. Oblivious has stated on the record: "Captain Obvious says we're related, and he seems to know a lot about our mutual childhood. Why, I don't know."

Captain Obvious verified this in his own autobiography where in page 2 he writes: "He doesn't know I am a superhero. He probably doesn't know he is a superhero himself."

The Oblivious Offspring[edit]

Captain Oblivious Jr. aka The Riddler.

“I have a son?”

~ Captain Oblivious on having a son

“What I really miss about my childhood is going fishing with my father without a rod. Or a boat. Or my father.”

~ The Riddler on his childhood

Captain Oblivious has a son, whom he forgets procreating. Naturally the identity of The Riddler's mother escapes Captain Oblivious, as does the whereabouts of his beloved son. Captain Oblivious also remains oblivious of the fact that The Riddler had a career as an arch-enemy of Batman. Eventually The Riddler got fired because he wore too stupid a costume, and nowadays he is pestering his poor father by sending him riddles such as:

Riddle me this, riddle me that
What kind of dad forgets his own brat?

Quotes on Record from Captain Oblivious[edit]

“Nobody mentioned there was going to be an article about me?”
~ Captain Oblivious on reading this article

~ Captain Oblivious on Captain Oblivious/above quote

“What do you mean 'There is an article about you'?”
~ Captain Oblivious on Himself

“If you read the quotes on this page to your friends nonstop, they will laugh.”

~ Captain Obvious on reading quotes

“Is this quote in the right section?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“What one?”


“Man, I love trolls”

~ Captain Oblivious on going to watch Troll 2

“Mmmmm... oven chips”

~ Captain Oblivious on John McCain

“Mmmmm, cake!”

“Mmmmm... cobras”

~ Captain Oblivious on Cobras


~ Captain Oblivious on morning erection

“But I pee with that thing!”

“Really?! Since when?”

~ Captain Oblivious on his family

“They don't taste of butter?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on butterfly

“Elton John is gay?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Elton John

“I don't remember my house being this small. Oh well”

~ Captain Oblivious on getting lost again


~ Captain Oblivious on getting pwned

“Wow! Satellite!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Cable TV

“This red button?”

~ Captain Oblivious on "press the red button" Cable TV screens


~ Captain Oblivious after babysitting

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the sham-wow commercial

“I bet that thing works!”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching any commercial


~ Caption Oblivious

“Wall? What wall?”

“Nobody cares about that”

~ Captain Oblivious on Pop culture

“I'm scared!”

~ Captain Oblivious on winning something



“I'm white?!”

~ Captain Oblivious on Being white

“Wait! The President's half White? He looks black to me!”

“I don't remember agreeing to this”

~ Captain Oblivious on watching the movie Memento

“When I sit down, it makes a noise?”

~ Captain Oblivious on woopie cushions

“... I'm blind!!!”

~ Captain Oblivious on sleeping

“There's going to be a quote below this?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the next quote

“Wow, I swear I didn't see that coming”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

“Seriously? Fish swim ALL THE TIME?”

“Who's Chuck Norris? I could probably take 'em. sounds like a pussy”

“In any given right-angled triangle, the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the opposite and adjacent sides”

~ Captain Oblivious on Blacking Out

“What does that mean?”

~ Captain Oblivious on the above quote

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