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Internationally-known terror chef George B. Laden II

One of the most misunderstood concepts in politics, sociology, and Ohio, Terror (also known as "Jeff") has been used for millennia by various groups and individuals as a means of obtaining extra cheese, cold medicine, and sex without paying for it.


In order to use terror, an individual or group must first obtain a license from the appropriate governing authority. Licensing fees vary with each nation-state, but can be as high as 1,000 Wal-Mart store coupons per year. (Bulk discounts may apply; check with your local Terror Licensing Board agent.)

Once you've obtained a license, simply remove the terror from its resealable sanitary pack, place it into a 4-quart mixing bowl, add water, and stir for 15 minutes or until the mixture has begun to quiff. Pour the mixture into a casserole dish and bake for 30 minutes at 450° F. or until the terror has begun to get all gooey.

Serving Suggestions[edit]

Unlike revenge, terror is best served at room temperature, sliced as thinly as possible. Coated with a thin layer of powdered Jihad, a slice of terror makes an excellent accompaniment for crumpets, layer cake, and Leave It To Beaver re-runs.

One highly popular way to serve terror, especially in the Middle East, is to claim it as a fundamental tenet of one's religion. Sprinkled with dried fruit, black nigella seeds, and crude petroleum, it makes a refreshing afternoon snack if you're a busy, on-the-go zealot in a hurry to blow your own ass up.


Terror can be stored for up to three weeks in a closet, tool shed, or mine shaft. Terror should never be refrigerated, as it will quickly become bored and attempt to blow up other items in your refrigerator, especially carrots and that container with Bill Murray's head in it.

Freezing is also not recommended, but can be used in emergency situations. It is important that foreign objects such as garnishes not be mixed in prior to freezing, as these objects will soon become frozen in terror.

See also...[edit]