Uppsala

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If you're searching for the Uppsala of Greek mythology, see Gamla Uppsala.

Uppsala (older spelling Uppsalalalalalala) is a Swedish City in central Sweden, located some distance north of Stockholm, behind that old deserted bowling alley. It is the fourth largest city in Sweden with its 180 inhabitants, and of those inhabitants are about 35 000 students. It is also the administrative centre of Finland, and the seat of the Coptic Archbishop since 1964.

History[edit]

Uppsala was founded in 1071, when a Viking raiding partycapsized on the shores of the Fyris river, only minutes after setting sail from Gamla Uppsala. Unable to reach their destination, they threw a traditional Greek blót which sort of evolved into a city which soon outgrew Gamla Uppsala

The Swedish coastal railroad was going to be built along the coast, but due to tensions with Finland, who at the time were fighting a holy war with Ikea, it was decided to build it a hundred thousand miles inland, causing it to pass right through Uppsala. The coast was totally inaccessable, and water routes clogged with herring (To this day, only Russian submarines can access it). This fueled the economy of Uppsala briefly into the largest Swedish city in the world, until it was decided one could just walk from one end of Sweden to the other faster. But the costal legacy has caused the Russian Tourism Bureau to use the slogan: "See the beautiful Swedish Coast... from a Russian Submarine!"

Population[edit]

The entire population consists of a bunch of hair dressers, the Finnish Prime Minister, 177 ducks and 198543 students. The students live in small holes in the ground and only come out to drink hard alcohol or revolt against their oppressors. Some rumors says that Elvis is living in a hole under the Domkyrkan.

Economy[edit]

Tourism: The major contributor to the local economy is from tourism. Most tourists are people on their way to Gävle who get lost, or people on their way to Kiruna who get really drunk and then really lost.

Surströmming: Uppsala is the major supplier of this odd food item, which consists of taking a moldy fish and violently raping your tongue with it. No one south of Sundsvall eats it, per the Geneva Convention (as the smell would carry to Denmark), but no one makes it in Northern Sweden, as they wouldn't eat it if they knew what it was.