“I believe I heard it from a friend's friend's friend's mother”
An Urban Legend is something that feeble minded people cling to as the truth, despite overwhelming evidence that anyone who believes such tripe has the I.Q. equivalent of a fruitbat. Before you heard about them, they had only been told on the remote desert island of Snopes, a tropical paradise where flying monkeys roam free and good people are left to die like dogs. My mother's friend's brother's room-mate's uncle told me that all urban legends are true.
Most pervasive legends
- The world actually is round, and we only think it's flat because it's so big.
- The song "In The Air Tonight" by Phil Collins is about his divorce.
- Girls don't have cooties.
- Jumping on a pogo stick while juggling chainsaws on a moving conveyor belt is not beneficial to your health.
- Somehow, someway, everyone is loved by someone.
- You weren't adopted and your parents loved you.
- Human beings flew to the moon onboard a giant rocket ship.
- Clay Aiken is straight.
- You offend Shai-Hulud by sheathing your crysknife without having drawn blood.
- Uncyclopedia is inaccurate.
- Carlos Mencia is Mexican - a fat gay Mexican.
- This highschool girl goes to a frat kegger. She meets a nice guy who buys her a couple of drinks. Later she wakes up in a bathtub with a can of Molson Ice to find that her virginity has been stolen and her hymen is missing!!!
- In the 50's a woman grows a huge beehive hairdo, it's so big she never takes it down to wash it completely. One day she visits Florida and at a theme park two men kidnap her, dye her hair and cut it short so she won't be recognized. When they cut it they discover it's full of albino alligators which kill everybody. The woman's hair keeps growing even after she dies!!!
- This old lady decides to hire this hippy girl to watch her gerbil while she's away. When the old lady calls the hippy she can hear that she (the hippy) is high on drugs. The lady asks about the gerbil and the hippy says that she gave it a bath and it's drying in an ass!!! (In some versions the Hippy dries a hamster in Richard Gere's ass)
- The previous items are funny/coherent.
- Fox News is fair and balanced.
- If you're driving along the road at night and you see an oncoming car with its lights off don't flash your lights at them or a gang of maniacs with hooked hands will get you!!!
- If you drink ten bloody marys in the bathroom by the light of a single candle you win a free PSP and a free airline ticket to travel to the Olympia Beer factory for sex.
- Kitten huffing is not real.
- George W. Bush was the best president ever.
- Windows Vista is perfect in every way.
- Sex causes pregnancy.
- Garth Brooks is a real cowboy.
- Oscar Wilde quotes are still funny.
- Carlos Mencia did NOT make up most of his jokes.
- Bob Saget isn't funny, he's just a pervert.
- Global Warming
- Fat People are attractive.
- Wikipedia's Authenticity
- Jodie Foster and Meg Ryan give the best boobjobs.
- Zigs move for great justice.
- The bird is the word.