User:Aleister in Chains/Isaac Asimov

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Asimov being pompous, shortly after consuming a hearty bowl of Honey N' Oates

Isaac Asimov was born into a Jewish family in the summer of 1812. He is most known for a his work in composing the 9th symphony and editing Mein Kampf to coincide with his admittedly communist political stance. Oh, and there were multiple science fiction books and articles written sometime in his life.


Asimov was not like other children. At a small field in Jarkarta, India, he was summoned by the all powerful Dr. Jumanji, the Cross-eyed African Dental Surgeon. Being summoned without a mother, Isaac became very bitter throughout life, which is related to his sub-par upbringing due to his father's learning disability.

The Early Years[edit]

Isaac was color blind and a notorious asshole. Being summoned without a mother had it's side effects, like his vicious hatred toward the white race. At age six, he wrote his first book entitled "Foundation," which detailed the inner workings of building foundations. It became an instant best seller on the Chinese market and went on to win numerous awards for literary excellence. He killed his first fruit bat at age 9, which is still enclosed in a glass case at his residence, which he named "This is where Foundation was written, bitches." A statue of himself infront of his house has that named etched into a solid plate of gold, which is guarded by a group of police that are forced to wear Asimov masks.

Witchcraft and Congress[edit]

After his formal education was complete in 1843, Asimov moved to New Jersey where he married a female necromancer named Bertha. They wed on September 8, 1910. Bertha Asimov, shortly after their wedlock, was caught sleeping with a zookeeper and tried for adultery. The charges were dropped. The court, aided by Isaac, found a way to incriminate her. On December 12, 2001, the court found Bertha Asimov guilty of witchcraft. She was burned in a fire which was fueled by Isaac Asimov's science fiction collection.


Someone shot him, yada yada, blood everywhere, no witnesses, four cats escaped. Honestly, who cares? Thankfully Asimov was alive long enough to release his autobiography entitled The Most Narcissistic Autobiography of a Pompous Douche Bag Even Written.