User:DjGentoo/Encyclopedia Dramatica (Encyclopedia)
- You may be looking for Goa Tse and not even know it!
- For other uses, please see Encyclopedia Dramatica (disambiguation).
“I will reserve judgment until they release an English language version...”
The Encyclopædia Dramatica, known simply as Dramatica or ED by its readers and haters alike, is a controversial encyclopedia developed at least 100 years ago in mid-18th century France at the height of the Enlightenment.
Encyclopædia Dramatica is the creation of underrated French inventor and tightass Percy Sherrod Pénible. Percy, who surrounded himself with politiques, philosophers and other flower children of the Enlightenment to appear more serious, had a large part in creating the original Encyclopédie with his close friend Denis Diderot. Diderot, who knew Percy through his brother Drama Diderot, was always the slacker of the four man entourage of enlightened men and childhood friends: the Diderots, Percy, and André Le Breton, whom the other three referred to simply as É.
Percy quickly tired of Denis and Denis's laid back, pot smoking habits and far-fetched dreams of solving the Kitchen Sink enigma, but was forced to keep his feelings under wraps until their Encyclopédie project blew over, as told by one excerpt in Percy's diary: "I am tired of Denis' laid back, pot smoking habits and far-fetched dreams of solving the Kitchen Sink enigma, but I shall keep my feelings under wraps until our Encyclopédie project blows over." Percy snapped when all of his additions were glossed over and replaced by more mellow entries to appeal to the lazy philosophe fan base, as suggested by their agent Jean le Rond d'Alembert. Percy snatched Drama from the Encyclopédie development team and the two began developing the Encyclopædia Dramatica to be released as a sister project to the Encyclopédie.
The Encyclopædia Dramatica was started with the intentions of plagiarizing the entire Encyclopédie and putting it in bold. When Pénible decided that wasn't dramatic enough, he created a special bonus bundle which packaged a Shakespearean street performer with the encyclopedia for an additional thirty silver coins. Eventually, he and Drama settled on a final solution: they'd sort through each individual entry and personally made dramatic improvements upon it.
For example, here's the entry for the constellation Eagle in the Encyclopédie:
|Eagle. In astronomy, it is the name of one of the constellations in the northern hemisphere. Its right wing touches the equinoctial line; its left wing is next to the snake's head. Its beak is separated from the rest of the body by the circle that runs from Cancer to Capricorn.
The Eagle and Antinous are usually considered part of the same constellation. See Constellation.
This is the same entry, but in the Encyclopædia Dramatica:
|Eagle. In astronomy, it is the name of one of the constellations in the northern hemisphere of the firmament. It used to be located in the southern hemisphere with Centaurus, but any dumbass would know that any two male constellations part of a larger one hanging around in the southern hemisphere is bound to stir up trouble. One autumn night, Bootes and Crates decided to have a jolly old gay-bash and ransacked Eagle's pad, stealing his beak and throwing it northward. Eagle proceeded to gouge out both their eyes while forcibly circumcising them with its claws, then flaying Bootes completely to ribbons. Thusly, the constellation Grossly Malformed Leper was created (see volume 5 for more details).
Ipso facto, the vain Eagle pissed it's [sic] last piss in the Southern Hemisphere, took the cat and all the scrolls from his old pad, ditched Centaurus, and ran away like a little bitch to the more liberal Northern Hemisphere. It can now be found near the Snake and it's new cloaca-buddy Antinous. See Constellation.
While both entries contain the same basic details, ED's entry is obviously and considerably more "dramatic". Similarly, whereas Encyclopédie downplays their entry on William Shakespeare, giving it equal share as the other entries and supplying only basic facts, ED has a six page entry about the "playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist and historian whose rampant sexuality and fetish for earrings have both improved and corrupted society to as great an extent as God himself."
The Encyclopædia Dramatica was nearly universally panned by critics of the Big Three: philosophy, lore and art. ED went over well with Europe's rebellious politicians and despots, but they were too few in number to count for much, and their influence failed to grab hold over the common educated man. Rather than selling to the top 60% of France's educated population (4% total), as aimed, it only appealed to 6% (3.21 10-3 total).
Even with its extremely limited audience, being able to read it didn't necessarily mean liking it. The most well known negative review of the Encyclopædia Dramatica describes reading it as "spitting into an ocean of saliva. Banal, flippant, and just plain repulsive in all parts. A must-read for masochists and Franks, alike."
Despite its economic failure, it created a new breed of European Noble: the Lullardz, or followers of the Lulz Movement. The Lullardz and the Lulz movement began in a similar way the Enlightenment itself began: through the use of sewing circles, powdered wigs, and to a lesser extent books, in this case the Encyclopædia Dramatica. The Lulz movement is often noted for its close association with the prestigious upper-aristocratic group known at the time as "4chan" (a possible wordplay on "fortune", which might be a reflection of their great wealth and nobility). Both 4chan and the Lullardz would exchange ideas over controversial topics, including but not limited to the teachings of Goa Tse and "buttsecks".
Sir Edwin Lulz, an owner of a southern England estate, obtained his copy of the Encyclopædia Dramatica from his French friend Guy de Camembert, and was instantly hooked. Awestruck by ED's intensity, reverence got the better of erudition and he began to worship the book as Newton worshiped S&M or gravity: with a blind pride that disillusioned him to believing he had invented it. Other owners of the encyclopedia drifted towards Lulz and in short time a cult began.
Taking the text of the encyclopedia literally, the Lullardz roved the land as bands of highwaymen, making things more dramatic through whatever means necessary. The cult of Lullardy has targeted many other religions and peoples in their attacks, but the brunt lay most heavily on those of the Jewish creed. Said attacks varied between the countries Lullardz hailed from; German Lullardz weren't afraid to use outright violence, but some Jewish contemporaries from the time said the English taunts were the worst. David Schmoltz wrote in his diary, dated 1770, that a gang of seven Lullardz verbally assaulted him with calls of "Jews did the Boston Tea Party!", "Go become an hero, you Jew!" and a slew of other insults.
- Drama Diderot, co-founder of the Encyclopædia Dramatica, died a mysterious death in 1788 thought to be from poisoning. The prime suspect in the case was André Le Breton himself, who claimed the concept of ED was stolen directly from a manuscript of his own design. The parody encyclopedia, named É-cyc, was released over 200 years after É's own death on the internet by the name of É-channel, and is widely considered to be superior to ED itself.
- Rapper, web designer, and current head of the Lullardz internet to much hype. However, Wyclef was not entirely pleased at the response of other online encyclopedias, inspiring him to write his best selling rap single "Like a Rolling Wiki". recently released a copy of the Encyclopædia Dramatica onto the
- The fanatical beliefs of the Lullardz have started over 10 wars across Europe. Their actual fighting is poor at best, since they rely more on verbal insults than actions, but their style is unique. Sacrificing technique for showmanship, their fighting is full of superfluous wavy motions.
- When charging into battle, Lullardz have been known to cry "FOR THE LULZ!" at the top of their lungs.
- It is believed that the "an hero" statement refers to post-medieval poet Eustace Budgell, who committed suicide after discovering his grammar had been completely fucked during his 20 year career of poetry writing
|Methods of Torture|
|Catholic Mass | Gay Bars | Liberal Media | Oprah| Transcription | Elevators|
|Tech Support | The French | Tofu | Wikipedia | The Von Stauberg Institute | Nyan cat|