User:El Zoof/Roof pool shark

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The roof pool shark, Animadverto quod intereo, also known as yuppie shark, flying mouth full of razaaaaaaargh or we're all fucking dead, is an exceptionally large, hungry and deadly shark found in highly urbanised areas of all major continents(except Atlantis). Reaching lengths of 24 metres (80 feet) and weighing approximately 80 metric fucktons (38 imperial arseloads), the roof pool shark is the world's largest known predatory fish. It is one of the only known surviving species of its genus, having eaten all the others apart from the smaller and cuddlier koalashark. They are regarded as an apex predator, as they predate apexes, with their only real threats being kreepy krawlies and seabears. Makes sense, really. Their diet consists of everything.

Distribution and habitat[edit]

Roof pool sharks live in almost all cities and megacities which have a high concentration of chlorinated roofs, with there numbers exploding in recent years in both New York and Tokyo, and to a lesser degree in Surrey (for no apparent reason). It is a pelagic[1] fish, but recorded or observed in waters that contain pool ponies, inflatable sharks, wet bars and drunks.

  1. No idea. I stole most of the formatting from wikipedia, if truth be known. But I made it funnier.