User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/JMK

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Thumbs-up-small.jpg The factual accuracy of this article is absolutely indisputable. ~ Oscar Wilde
"As much as I hate him, Oscar is right. I would not want to change a thing" ~ John Mark Karr

John Mark Karr's August 2006 booking photo.

John Mark Karr (born December 11, 1969) was a leading pediatric psychiatrist (and occasional entertainer) at the Mayonnaise Clinic in Bangkok, Thailand. He was most noted for developeding several breakthrough techniques in child reering, such as his patented "hug of love around the neck with a rope".

Ironically, he wasn't the killer eventhough unlike other murderers like John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald he goes by his full name.

He is currently awaiting trial for the 1996 robbery of beauty pageant queen JonBenét Ramsey. It is known that Karr struggled with urges of kleptomania his entire life, the rest of which will be spent in prison.

Early life[edit]

Karr was raised in the suburbs of Boulder, Colorado. He was the 12th of 7 children, and lead a normal life. After graduating at the bottom of his class in high school, he moved out of Boulder and went to Thailand to study in the field of education.

While studying at the University of Goa Tse in Bangkok, Karr met his soon-to-be wife, 5 yr. old Quientana Shotts [1]. The couple married only weeks after meeting, but lasted less than three years. When Shotts turned 8, Karr divorced her and hastily married 4 yr. old Lara Knutson. Knutson and Karr are still happily married to this day, and Knutson is still 4 years old.


John Mark Karr stayed in Thailand after acquiring his much sought-after degree, and began teaching at several elementary schools in and around the Bangkok area.

Karr taught for several years until he was accused of stealing from several students, in which he was relieved of his teaching duties. Karr later confessed openly to the public that he stole from his students, and was prosecuted several times in the early 90's after police found stolen music on his computer. He was charged in 1992 for the crime, and was sentenced to two years of probation, and voluntarily submitted himself to a psychiatric ward for his life-long struggle with kleptomania.


For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Electrified mocha chinchilla/JMK.

While in the ward, Karr undertook independent studies to become a pediatric psychologist, which many suspect was an influence from his time at the ward.

After only four years of rehabilitation, Karr was invited to a Christmas party by his long-time neighbors, the Ramseys. The occasion was not just to celebrate Christmas, but to celebrate Karr's release from the ward and his earning of a degree in child psychology.

The Crime[edit]

Exactly what happened on the night of December 26th, 1996 is unclear, but many speculate that John Mark Karr broke into the home of the Ramseys, and stole the purse of JonBenét. Only hours after the crime had taken place, a frantic 911 call from Patsy Ramsey had begun the decade old mystery.

Investigators, upon their arrival at the Ramsey residence, began to search for fingerprints. The crime scene, which was the entire Ramsey house, was dusted for fingerprints. Investigators found 72 fingerprints, 45 of them which did not belong to a member of the Ramsey household, suggesting that the Ramseys hadn't cleaned since their Christmas party.

Money scattered in the basement of the Ramsey residence was the only physical evidence that was uncovered, all of which was taken by investigators as "evidence". However, this evidence went missing only hours after being taken from the Ramsey household. Some speculate that Batman may have taken it. An estimated $20 dollars was stolen from the purse.


Karr, who for a decade had been both treating children and entertaining them as a part-time clown in a Thai hospital, confessed in mid-2006 to the robbery of JonBenét Ramsey.

"I loved JonBenét Ramsey. I was with her when she was robbed. Her robbery was an accident," was John's only defense. He was immediately extradited to Los Angeles from Bangkok, enjoying fine wine and cheese.

He has recently written a paper on Thai champagne, in which he was quoted as saying, "I like my sparkling wine just like my women: vintage by about six years and smooth," He has also given his personal thumbs up to dining at Folsom County Prison and is looking forward to writing a report on the Háut and Fusion Cuisine in the Colorado penal system.

Other Hi-jinx[edit]

In late 2006, John Mark Karr was heard to confess to the murder of the Romanov family in 1918. When asked how this was possible, Mr Karr replied, "My wife gave me a time machine for Christmas in 1996. That is how I could be in Russia and Boulder, CO at the same time." Apparently, he left on December 26, joined the Bolsheviks and murdered the czar and his family in a basement. Currently, he is hoping for extradition to Moscow since he, "heard the Aeroflot flight attendants have nice asses and I really like Stolichnaya".

“I was with Anastasia when she died and that bitch isn't her.”

~ John Mark Karr on people who get caught lying to the media.

See also[edit]

  • Wikipedia: Karr's Life. Wikipedia (August 25 2006).