User:Electrified mocha chinchilla/Sandbox

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BRIAN PEPPERS HAS TOUCHED THIS ARTICLE!

"Someone left the door unlocked, and Brian Peppers came in. He has touched this article and touched everyone that contributed to it." Make sure to keep children away from this article, or else Brian Peppers might touch them as well.

(Translation: Brian Peppers Likes this article)

Brian Peppers is an American socialite and celebrity discovered via the internet on a sex offender registry. Although he is physically (and probably mentally) handicapped, he has been perhaps the most influential e-celeb with the last name "Peppers" in the last ten years.

He was named "People Magazine's Sexist Person Alive" for 2007, enjoyed a minor role in TV's Smallville, created a minor 80's pop-ballad album in 2008, and has spent much of his time and money on charity work, attempting to bring the joys of Christmas to children everywhere.

[edit] Life

He born in the Wood River, Nebraska on November 1, 1968. Growing up he was a member of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir where he gained notoriety as being the only living 19-year-old male soprano. With his interest in music waning, he left the choir as well and the Mormon church. He then took a brief sojourn of Eastern Europe to seek employment.

He did various odd jobs on the bloc. He became a very influential cabana boy in interbellum East Germany, and then later starred in several underground pornographic films, one of which left him paralyzed and disabled. He later spent some time in the Soviet city of Rotherham where he had many children with a Ukranian prostitute.

He returned to the United States in 1989, where an incident with a young woman landed him on To Catch a Predator. The internet buzzed with his picture which brought much hilarity to the e-people. Peppers claims that at the time of the photograph he was incredibly intoxicated which might explain the facial deformities.

Brian Peppers during his 'Santa Claus' phase, 1996-1999

In a response to Peppers' outrages, God caused Hurricane Katrina. Some have also claimed that Brian Peppers was the cause of Jesus' death; although it is also claimed that Peppers is Jesus himself. All arguments, about any subject, are pure fact, and are also the stories of which Metal Gear Solid 3 are based on.

Brian has one brother, Allen Peppers, who likes making fun of his poor brother on YTMND. Allen is also one of the foremost authorities on pagan nephrology in all of Poland.

[edit] Recent Work

Brian! Nooooooooo!

Brian Peppers in Smallville, playing Clark Kent's cousin from Krypton Creep-El

Brian Peppers once made a adult pornographic feature film called: "Grind some Pepper on me"
Nintendo made a video game of Brian Peppers called Brian Peppers DS: Touching is Good.
Brian Peppers converted from Catholicism to Ancient Greek Man-Boy Orgyism in 1337 after inventing it. He is the wife of Greg Lesniewski
Working on an autobiography entitled "How I Touched Children and Became an Internet Superstar ."
He is also a trained classical pianist available for children's birthday parties and Bar Mitzvahs. His latest piece is a singer-songwriter piece entitled "Do a Barrel Roll!" accompanied by the hyper-soprano Princess Peach. This piece, not unlike many other works of his, has reached almost instant success for reasons most certainly unknown to the public.
Brian Peppers is a well known actor, once starring in "Smallville" as Creep-El, Clark Kent's cousin. Unlike Kal-El aka Clark Kent, Creep-El decided to wear his costume instead of regular clothes. Brian Peppers previously starred in the TV hit show "Touched by an Uncle", which won him some awards.
He saw fleeting success in the mid 1980's with a largely unremembered pop album that featured the hit single, "BRIAN, NOOOOOOOOO!" which debuted at #2 in the US and #1 in the UK. It remained on the Billboard Top 20 list in both countries for the next 2 months.

Peppers' 1984 album, "LOL"

He stars as lead guitar and vocals for Brian Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.
He now resides "peacefully" in a dark room. HE WILL TOUCH YOU and even Grues fear his touch.

Link title

I was only six the first time he raped me and look how far I came in life. I am a paper boy. He touched me every week until I was 32 and I will miss him deerly he was my best friend. He always told me that he wanted to gargle my diareeah and so i let him when I was 24 years old. love K fed

[edit] BRAIN PEPperz Iz REPPIN MCC !!!! Contributions of Brian Peppers from the public consciousness

Much like Joseph Stalin during his purges, the liberal media outlet Wikipedia has repeatedly deleted Brian's page, effectively "disappearing" him and anyone's memory of him from Forty Years Ago.

Eventually it was realized that Brian is in fact Jimbo Wales' own father, and he threatened to ground Jimbo and put the servers in a garage sale if the page was not deleted.

Accordingly, after a truly epic vote for deletion it looked like the forces of justice and freedom had finally won the day for Brian Peppers. However, Jimbo Wales, in his tyranny, silenced the voices of the majority in an ironfisted display of totalitarian Nazi Communist Marxist liberal fascism. After an ambiguous 1-year censorship, the destruction of Brian Peppers' article became final; despite cries of the masses to bring Peppers back, he was locked away, and any discussion on his return was made taboo. He is now only spoke of in whispers in the sandbox.

To honor this event, Wikitruth proposed February 21, 2007 to be Brian Peppers Day on the Internet. Every February 21st, we are to celebrate Brian Peppers Day to honor the day when Jimbo Wales used his powers on Wikipedia to delete the Brian Peppers article.

[edit] The Brian Peppers Christmas Album

Alternate title: A Very Brian Peppers Christmas (REJECTED)

Due to the rise of Brian Peppers in the American consciousness, his handlers have seen fit to allow Mr. Peppers to fulfill one of his lifelong aspirations: the recording distribution of a Christmas album. Featuring family favorites such as "Oh, Little Girl, Won't You Give Me A Merry Christmas" and "lol im rly ugly".

But also featuring:

I'll give you a sleigh ride tonight.
I'm watching you from under the Christmas Tree.
My candy cane and jingle bells.
Mommy caught Brian Peppers touching me under the Tree.
What's that coming down the chimney?
What's that going up my chimney?
Nuts roasting on an open fire.
I'll stuff your turkey.
Brian Peppers is coming to town.
What happened to the Little Drummer Boy?

However, it was released on an EXTREMELY limited printing run and does not exist anymore starting at the end of this sentence which is being written right now at this time of which I am about to end this sentence k period.

[edit] Things Brian Peppers is accused of doing

Doctor Doom once had a younger sister who died at the age of 6 from severe brain hemorrhaging as the result of massive head trauma from a donkey punch delivered by Brian Peppers. Doctor Doom didn't seem to notice. He didn't much like his Sister because she didn't support his ranting and raving about growing up to become one of the best/worst world dictators ever known.
Brian Peppers helped watch the kids of Sgt. Peppers, his cousin, while Sgt. Peppers pursued a music career. Sgt. Peppers claims that Brain did nothing wrong, but then he wasn't home to see anything that happened.
Getting hit by the ugly truck, which used up all of its ugly on him. When he got home, he was so ugly his parents beat him with the ugly stick.
He also is accused of having sex with a male horse, a cow, 7 ostriches, 4 chickens, a female anaconda and Satan.
A Nurse claims that Brian Peppers groped her and ripped her skirt in a nursing home, and she filed sexual abuse charges against him as a result. Brain Peppers claims that he did not, but only tried to get her attention because his diaper was full and he was in a wheelchair and unable to use a toilet. That she kept ignoring him, until he finally grabbed her ass and tried to rip her skirt in a desperate attempt to get her attention.
There is a list of people touched by Brian Peppers that outlines the accusations of inappropriate touching and other such things Brian is accused of doing.
Peppers was once accused of creating a 'Super Fantastic Magic Flying Time Machine' (a term he coined himself). He apparently used the Time Machine to go into the past and stop himself being born, and when he returned to the present, not only was he still alive, but he was arrested for child rape and for breaking the 'facial disfigurement law'. The law states that if your face has been on 4chan over 500 times, you go to jail for life. Peppers claims he has no idea how any of this happened.
It has been said that Brian Peppers has got a 100% on Through The Fire and The Flames by using only his penis.

[edit] After-life

Lead singer of Red Hot Brian Peppers. Hitler Jr.'s confidant.

Brian Peppers was fucked by a dead animal and then killed by the husband farmer of that animal, Ron Paul.

Brian Peppers came out of his dark room after being cured of peppers syndrome, and he realized he didn't want to touch kids anymore. He now peacefully touches old men at the spa in Canada. AAAGH! But at least now he is happy and paid his debt to society, and is no longer a creep or weirdo, but a fine upstanding citizen and true patriot who gives public service announcements on pedophilia and how to avoid it by touching older members of the same gender instead of little kids of the same or opposite gender.

[edit] See Also

Those obsessed with so-called experts should thank their lucky stars that Wikipedia does not have an article about Electrified mocha chinchilla/Sandbox.