“Whose scrotum do I have to tickle to get this goddamn movie made?”
|The Uncyclopedia Movie|
|Directed by||Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer|
|Written by||Oscar Wilde|
|Distributed by||Uncyclomedia Films|
|Release date||June 47, 2008|
"The Uncyclopedia Movie" has become one of the most notorious and infamous unfinished films of all time. The project, fronted by none other than the posthumous Oscar Wilde and starting production in early 2005, was massively over-budgeted and had directly caused the deaths of several famous Hollywood actors (four of whom were not involved in the filming in any way) and countless other cast and crew members by 2007. It was originally supposed to be a sequel for the almost as notorious film "U for Uncyclopedia" (which earned a rating of 1.1 in contrast to "The Uncyclopedia Movie", which was given a disgracing 1.0 by Internet Movie Database and other significant film sites), but ended up being disowned by almost everyone involved in it. Despite being heavily hyped as being the first time Oscar Wilde had written anything since his 1898 poem The Ballad of Reading Gaol, The Uncyclopedia Movie had to be scrapped until October 2007, the officially stated reasons being: "Bankruptcy of Uncyclopedia studio, and poor concept"
There is none as such, although some critics have complained of the film's similarities to The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift.
Oscar Wilde, popular playwright, poet, and indisputably the greatest Irish writer of all time, was running short of ideas by the late 1800's-to-early 1900's. Self-proclaimed "trivial comedies for serious people" such as the The Importance of Being Earnest were done ideas, as were nihilistic commentaries on the morality and usefulness of art such as The Picture of Dorian Gray. What Oscar needed was something fresh; he set out to write what the people wanted. Having no idea of what the people did indeed want, Oscar set up the Uncyclopedia in early 1899, a humorous source of information designed to be written by the people, for the people.
Oscar took the end result of the project and gradually assembled it into the contents of a book, entitled The Humourous Encyclopedia: An Uncyclopedia. The Uncyclopedia became a widespread phenomenon, also spawning a news source and dictionary among other things, but soon caved in, due to its open-ended nature, to vandals. Shortly before his death the next year, Oscar wrote a lamenting play documenting the downfall of the Uncyclopedia. The playscript should have been labelled an instant masterpiece, but due to Wilde's death just after he completed it, it was lost.
By 2005, Oscar Wilde's pet project and all its bastard childeren had been moved to the internet to avoid ink and paper costs, and Unyclopedia itself was now a large-scale humour and vandalism device based on independent servers. However, like Wilde in 1899, Unyclopedia was facing a lack of originality. Its humour was derived mainly from repetetive jokes about English teachers, European iPods and Oscar himself, and the rest was little more than random humour and disgustingly low standards.
In early 2005, one of Unyclopedia's subdivisions, the Oscar Wilde restoration project, lead a funded architectural dig at his former apartment condo and uncovered a mildly intact copy of the Uncyclopedia playscript. This was the answer Uncyclopedia had been looking for: a film adaption of Wilde's script, made well and released in tactical ares would be an act of sheer originality, would gain the site some profit and would atract a generation of new, intelligent writers. Planning the project began instantly, with Unyclopedia's best and brightest starting to work out the costs and budget. The film's budget was estimated at USD$0.21, and Uncyclopedia regular Chronarion quickly signed on as the producer.
As the community made headway on the production, the server space accessible to them rapidly diminished. Eventually, a move to a different server was inevitable: Wikicities, which later morphed into Wikia, was the best option, and the transfer was made. Wikia, as the Uncyclopedia webhost, demanded that production of the movie stop immediately for no discernible reason, but at this point most of the peoples of Uncyclopedia were concentrating on the film. Wilde's script, although flawless, was found to be missing some sixty pages, and much of the rest was annotating those pages. A talented Uncyclopedia writer was hired as a script doctor, and quickly returned a shooting script. At the same time, up and coming comedy directors Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, having just finished comedy classic Date Movie, had expressed interest in directing the film by recommending the title The Unyclopedia Movie. Mostly because of such creative brilliance, they were hired instantly on a minimal wage.
So far, the The Unyclopedia Movie project had been going mildly well, but as the filming stage began the problems became apparent. The stars of the film were all washed up actors who had somehow agreed to star in the film, the most prominently featured being Gene Wilder starring as Oscar Wilde due to subtle similarities in name and appearance and John Cleese as Captain Obvious, his assistaint. Filming was planned as being done chronologically, with the opening grue orgy being filmed first and the final scene of Oscar Wilde weeping over Captain Obvious's faeces-covered corpse before bursting into song being filmed last, but the grue orgy was held back due to the difficultly of filming it.
Costumes, puppetry and stop-motion animation were all considered to shoot the scene with, but quickly turned down in favour of booting it from the film until further notice. This was thought of as the best possible course of action, even though the scene made clear the plot of the film, introduced the protagonists and made decent attempts to explain the numerous plot holes. The next scene, due to a vast miscalculation of the fighting skill of Chuck Norris, ended with Norris limping from the set after having one foot torn off by the untamed grizzly bear he was to fight. Whilst most people were left scratching their heads, some wondered how the eight other scenes involving Norris would be filmed. The obvious solution was to move on to the next scene yet again, ignoring the consequences of this lazy method and the fact that everyone on set had no idea how to shoot a feature film.
The scene after that consisted of — according to 18.104.22.168's script — "ur mom eeting shat ang goenigg to hElll!!1!" As no one wanted their mothers to eet any shat, and no one could find affordable coaches goenigg to hElll, that scene was scrapped, as were those before it. At that point, the crew simply gave up and the good people at UnTunes were commissioned to write and sing a prologue which would explain the cut scenes in graphic detail and had to be at least twenty five minutes long.
As this happened, someone noticed that it was late 2006, the film has gone disastrously over budget, and that Wikia was threatening to dump Uncyclopedia from their network if the film was not scrapped immediately. Tensions flared, and a sudden taste for clear satire as opposed to random humour led to an all-out fight for control of Uncyclopedia. Users battled valiantly with power-mad administrators, actors with directors, and everyone with Wikia. Numerous pages were vandalised in the conflict, and faeces were flying everywhere. The site had been driven out of control, bankrupted and overwhelmed by this project, which simply had to be abandoned. Finally, a self-proclaimed "new wave" of Uncyclopedia members, focused on civil actions and sensible humour, rose to control and unexpectedly dictated what was to be done. The Uncyclopedia Movie became no more than a recording of a twenty five minute a capella, some concept art, a poor script and approximately thirteen seconds of usable footage. It had becomea disaster, but following its proud tradition, Uncyclopedia simply looked the other way and moved on.
After the tense clash that ended the production of The Uncyclopedia Movie, Uncyclopedia was left on unsteady footing with Wikia. The "new wave" of Uncyclopedians began to improve much of the website's content, also attempting to regain the estimated the $2 lost during the production. Eventually the resultant regime achieved a state of relative peace, having fully recovered from the battles of 2006. Yet, they too ran into the writer's block that was not having anything to do. Under pressure from some of the older users, the authority flirted with the idea of restarting the Uncyclopedia Movie project. It was a risk, as relationships with Wikia had further degraded and many of the former actors and crew had walked out.
Nevertheless, the Uncyclopedians persisted in completing the film. Shooting resumed in private, with a new script, incorporating more of Wilde's work, being used to complete the remainder of the film. Funding had evaporated, but as there were no longer any professional actors to pay, few things required money. Jarring continuity errors between this new footage and the previous work was noticeable. but in the words of one Uncyclopedia user: "That's just nitpicking, isn't it?" Eventually, the entirety of the script had been filmed, much of it featuring Uncyclopedia members and homeless people in place of actors, but the marketing campaign would still feature these former cast members prominently.
The nine hours of footage was edited into a mildly comprehensible film using a high end computer which had Windows Movie Maker installed. This process took roughly two days, a relatively quick time despite the editors watching other people's films for the majority of it. After this, the film was handed to the heads of Uncyclomedia Films, who screened it privately across the Uncyclopedia network and then negotiated a deal with cinemas across North America. The innovative marketing campaign spread across the internet in the form of pop ups windows, viruses and mock death threats, attracting three whole people to The Uncyclopedia Movie's premiere in Hollywood, California.
Upon its completion, The Uncyclopedia Movie was submitted to various rating agencies around the world to acquire presentable content ratings. It was given an NC-17 rating by the MPAA, but this was eventually appealed to an R for "pervasive strong crude sexual humour and language including sexual dialogue, nudity, sexuality, drug and alcohol use, Geneva convention-violating acts, and for comic graphic bloody violence", in order to appeal to a wider audience. The UK's BBFC originally gave the film a 15 with the advice "Contains strong sex, language which may offend and disturbing violence" and planned to restrict release to some areas of Birmingham; upon appeal (and death threats from the producers) they dropped to a PG. The Australian ratings board, aware of these events, released the film with a G rating straight away, despite The Uncyclopedia Movie passing even the R 18+ criteria.
The Uncyclopedia Movie received extremely negative reviews from critics. Todd McCarthy of The Hollywood Reporter wrote that the film was "a puddle of utter shit. The characterisation is weak, the plot literally non-existent, the acting seems to be a series of embarrassing celebrity impressions and the general production standards are so appallingly low I was forced to consider my own sanity whilst watching The Uncyclopedia Movie". The rest of McCarty's review was formed of insults directed at the various film crew, in a style similar to most other reviews The Uncyclopedia Movie recieved. Glenn Kenny of MSN Movies rated the film 1 out of 5 stars, concluding with the fact that company rules prevented him from awarding the film a lower rating. Roger Ebert of the Chicago Sun-Times gave possibly the only review that was not negative, although the fact that it was a completely nonsensical string of words suggested that he had been driven insane. In the UK, the reviews were equally negative, with BBC film critic Mark Kermode stating: "The film is incomprehensible and the story is six and three quarters hours long and it's a boring, horrific, suicide-inducing six and three quarters hours long." The Guardian notably refused to write a review, citing the lengthy scene in which a Queen Elizabeth II impersonator performs fellatio on a corgi as the primary reason.
Though the movie did not make much of a profit, it did garner just enough money to make Uncyclopedia break even and not completely go out of business. Some believe that private funds were borrowed from the Uncyclopedia Cabal, but it was soon made clear that there is no cabal. However, Uncyclopedia did have to cut back on most of its more superfluous sister projects, leaving only the seven you see today, and write a sizeable letter of apology to Wikia. While Uncyclopedia's previous film effort, U for Uncyclopedia, received a shameful rating of 1.1 out of 10 or 1.1% from significant film sites such as Rotten Tomatoes and Metacritic, thusly being labelled as having "an infinitesimal fraction of a permille of redeeming value", critics all over the world have unanimously declared The Uncyclopedia Movie the worst film in existence, surpassing other awful movies, and a disgrace to mankind, stating that "Uncyclopedia is the worst".
Excerpts from the film
Conclusive musical number
The Uncyclopedia Movie has been earned several awards; rather unsurprisingly, all of those has been Golden Raspberry Awards. This came as something of a shock to the production crew, as the film had been hotly tipped for a Golden Globe nomination for cinematography. Regardless, The Uncyclopedia Movie became the first film ever to "win" every single Golden Raspberry Award in one year, which included a large number of custom awards made up specifically for the occasion due to the fact that the jury felt that they were running out of negative superlatives to describe the film.
The Golden Raspberry Awards won by The Uncyclopedia Movie include Worst Picture, Worst Remake or Rip-off, Worst Visual Effects, Worst Soundtrack, Worst Film Ending and, cruelly, Worst Cinematography. Also won were a string of actor/actress awards, given to Rob Schneider for his "hauntingly realistic" portrayal of Encyclopedia Dramatica, Tom Cruise for Jimbo Wales, Katie Holmes for 22.214.171.124 (coincidentally, the two also won a Worst Screen Couple Award), the posthumous Oscar Wilde and Mr. T. The Worst Director award went to Alan Smithee, and the Worst Screenplay award was presented to the Uncyclopedia community as a whole, none of whom could be there. Rather interestingly, the one other award The Uncyclopedia Movie earned was the MTV Movie Award for Best Kiss; this is not typically listed as the recipients, Tim Curry and Adam West, refused to accept it.
- About thirty minutes into the film, one of the pages in a newspaper that Jimbo Wales (Tom Cruise) reads is blank, except for the words "This page does not exist".
- The character 126.96.36.199, played by Katie Holmes, repeats the phrase "go eat shit fuckers" in no less than 178 occasions throughout the movie, the world record for a single phrase appearing in a movie. This phrase, though repeated 178 times, is the only spoken line that Holmes has in the movie.
- As many as three hundred and twenty four of the project staff, including camera men, stunt men, make-up artists, writers and catering staff, are seen in shot at some point throughout the movie according to moviemistakes.com. Over four hundred other errors have been documented by users, the most prominent being "the fact that this was ever made".
- Poor concept? A massive understatement.
- Sorry, William Shakespeare, Charles Dickens, and J.R.R. Tolkien.
- It would later be found out that one of the Wilde restoration project team has simply dropped them in a puddle as they were waiting for a taxi.
- The previous title was Sexy Sexy Uncyclopedia Bounce Movie!
- The reaction was one of relative pleasure, as not the whole six-and-a-half hour film, but only its surprisingly infrequent nude scenes were shown.
|U for Uncyclopedia||EpicAwesomeness/UNMOVIE||The Uncyclopedia Movie 2|