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Felnaari's User Page[edit]

“Seriously. It's a user page. Who else was it going to be about? Moron.”

~ Oscar Wilde on User Pages

So, this is a user page. Wow. Kind of stark and empty in here. Hm.

Anyhow, on advice of nobody in particular, I'll be putting any lame ideas I have for articles up here until I get them fleshed out.

So if you're looking at this- and seriously, why would you be? It's not like it's an article. How did you get here anyway? Whatever.- then you can give your opinions on these articles, and cite various ways in which they will inevitably suck.

Da Hooch[edit]


A dark and terrible ritual conceived in the depths of the Dark Ages. It invokes ancient and terrifying powers in order to raise an army of poorly choreographed zombies.

The History[edit]

The first performance of the Thriller ritual was accomplished in 1203 ACE by Michael Jackson's evil polar opposite alien clone from another dimension. (There is actually some dispute over this- some historians believe that it was in fact performed by the original Jacko, and that the present incarnation is the evil bizarro etc., and not vice-versa. However, this explanation involves time paradoxes and other absurd pseudo-science like that, and you really don't care about that, now do you?)

The ritual's power causes armies of poorly coordinated zombies of former music video dance extras to rise from their conveniently shallow graves for the express purpose of making the summoner look mighty cool.

The Ritual[edit]

The three most important elements of the ritual are the writhing hordes of undead filth, the narrator, and the choreography.

The filthy undead hordes are easy- just go to any cemetary, science fiction convention, or any place you can find washed up musicians and dancers, and make sure all of the graves are conveniently shallow.

The narrator must be a lich of unimaginable power, with a deep, inherently sinister and awesome voice.

The choreography must be perfectly executed 80s performance, adapted to be utilized by those suffering from rigor mortis.

A hot chick couldn't hurt either.

Let heat for 25 minutes at 450 degrees, season to taste, invoke an ancient god, do the hokey-pokey and turn yourself around.