User:GlobalTourniquet
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The artist formerly known as User:ThomasPynchonsLeftNut
Contents |
[edit] Articles
Transubstantiation
Wise Latina
Tampa Bay Rays rewrite for Der Unwehr
Terry Gilliam rewrite for Der Unwehr
Pandora
Alarmism
Jim Jarmusch featured
UnPaid Programming:The Z-list Celebrity Rehabilitation Fund
Feral Child
Anaheim Ducks
Plink Poo Lit Surprise: Best Article; featured
Oscars
Alfred Hitchcock featured
Paraprosdokian
Inland Empire featured
Nuance
De Gustibus Non Est Disputandum
Los Angeles Angels
Hatstand
Running of the Bulls
Ingrate
Fiona Apple
Coen Brothers
Leonard Cohen
Episcopal Church
Super Bowl
Canadian Football League
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Los Angeles Clippers
The way better, completely brilliant previous version of The Mars Volta
I swear I'm going to promote a Mars-Volta-Article-Off with Guildenfuckhead and prove him wrong
[edit] The UnClassic Film Review
A new feature which, like my bowel movements, I hope to make regular.
UnClassic Film Reviews 
[edit] UnNews
[edit] Part of the Michael Jackson colonization effort, Mar 2009
[edit] Part of the Al Gore colonization effort, Feb 2009
- UnNews:I Was Abducted By Al Gore
- UnNews:I Am Not An Al Gore Denier - Richard "Dick" Lindzen featured
[edit] In other UnNews
UnNews:Obama Unveils Ambitious Tit Access Package
UnNews:Quentin Tarantino Wins First French Open
UnNews:Moderate Point-Moderate Counterpoint: What do we think of the stimulus package?
UnNews:Making Money In A Down Economy: Experts Offer Advice
UnNews:Controversy: Women In Prison Ordered To Take Shorter, Solo Showers
UnNews:Pridelands to be re-integrated by court order
UnNews:Feline Advocacy Group Launches Cat Grammar Initiative
[edit] HowTo
HowTo:Write Serj Tankian Lyrics featured
HowTo:Write Good featured
HowTo:Get Away With Murder
[edit] UnScripts
UnScripts:Waiting For Godot 2: Waiting With A Vengeance
[edit] Horoscopes
Weeks:
8/3/09: Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - It's time to finally admit it to yourself. I know you've made a lot of progress, filling your iPod with the likes of Jeff Buckley, Sigur Ros and The Shins, but you need to take it to the next level now and finally admit that Rush sucks, and always has.
7/13/09: Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - Glowing balls of energy orbit your spirit in the supernatural realm. This sounds nice and uplifting and motivating and all, but it actually only makes it easy for the ghosts of old dead enemies to find you and haunt you.
6/29/09: Sagittarius (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21) - Your life is an open book. In a bonfire. Surrounded by jeering Christians who believe they are doing the Lord's work.
6/15/09: Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, you will be ready. You should probably untie that rope from your balls first, though.
6/8/09: Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Speedometer Christ has your machine blowing horse bundles into the president's crotch. Also, don't forget to turn on your surrealism interpretation machine.
4/6/09: Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - You will be livid when they take away your television. You will be outraged when they take away your radio. You will be incensed when they take away your computer. Then, to top it all off, you will be... uh... really angry when they take away your thesaurus.
3/30/09: Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) - The good news is, two girls will be coming over this weekend for some fun. The bad news is they're bringing one cup.
3/23/09: Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) - Savor with simple glee all of the good things life has to offer this week - the golden rays of sunshine, the delightful tunes of the morning bird's songs, and the melodious crash and tinkle sounds of the windshield against your nasal bone.
3/9/09: Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) - With Saturn approaching your house this week, use Wikipedia sparingly. You know what? Use it sparingly anyway, regardless of wherever the fuck Saturn happens to be. It's a garbage dump as information sources go.
3/2/09: Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) - Try to balance your need for attention with a clear concept of "acceptably bad" this week. There is a fine line between "fun" and "disgusting" public vomiting.
2/16/09: Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - Be sure to bring your camera when you go on that excursion to the Cascades. Your "true love waits" stance will get challenged this week when you encounter the elusive Sasquatch.
[edit] Wannados
I want to do these one day if I ever get a good idea for them. NOTE: I list these here so someone else can steal my thunder. I hate my thunder, and I wish someone would just take it.
| Article | Comment |
|---|---|
| Alfred Hitchcock | Decided to do this in a bit of a different way, for the PLS contest. See it here. |
| Oakland Raiders | Fish in a barrel? Actually that might be funny - The Oakland Fish In A Barrel, and the article relentlessly attacks the obvious (ahem - they suck and Al Davis is loonier then Fiona Apple) |
[edit] Fixer-uppers
Finally, here is a list of crap to half-crap articles that, unless someone stops me, I will one day stick the business to, if you know what I mean:
| Article | Status | Comment |
|---|---|---|
| Terry Gilliam | redone - yay | Rewritten for Der Unwehr yay |
| David Lynch | redone - yay | Nicely reworked by Guildentwit with some assistance by yours truly. |
| Rod Serling | crap | mostly crap. OK, all crap. Though it is at least an attempt at not being total crap. But it's still crap. |
| The Shins | crap | total random unfunny crap. (great band) |
| Academy Awards(Oscars) | weak | My PLS entry in the rewrite category |
[edit] Don't look here
This is just for my convenience - stuff I'm working on, or not.
User:ThomasPynchonsLeftNut/Girl Scout Cookies
| This user has been abandoned by Electrified mocha chinchilla, and is now a Feral Child being raised by wolves. |
| IC | This user is a member of Imperial Colonization. |
| Featured Colonization: Al Gore This person contributed to a Colonization which became one of the Featured Articles on Uncyclopedia. |
