User:Gunny/HowTo:Win a gunfight without a gun
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Your heart races as you stare down the Japanese gangster in that dark alley street. This is what you live for: mano o mano combat. No second chances. One shot. One opportunity.
He opens his coat so you can see his Colt Python: nickel plated, .357 Magnum, 97.23% kill rate with a headshot. But you're not worried. You have a brand-new .40 S&W Glock, fifteen rounds in the mag, one in the pipe. Trigger safety, it's cocked and loaded. All you have to do is clear leather, point and fire.
The gangster gives you a smile, moving his coat so he has a clear draw on his weapon. You reach down to your holster, and caress the butt of you Gloc...
You forgot to bring it. It's not in your holster, It's lying in pieces on your desk. It feels like the day you forgot to bring that Physics assignment to school, failed the course, dropped out and had to become a mobster.
[edit] Step 1
Tip
Wearing body armour is a smart idea. Not wearing it to a gunfight is bordering on a death wish.
Keep cool. As long as that gangster thinks you're packing heat, you'll be fine. Check your resources. If you're smart, you'll have a backup .38 on your ankle, wearing Grade IV body armour that will stop that .357 and have six buddies with assault rifles round the corner.
Of course, being a moronic potato who forgot to take a gun to a gunfight, you probably don't have any of these things.
Time for step 2.
[edit] Step 2
You must now toss away the veneer of the hard edged mobster and revert to the stupid crying sissy you really are. Run. Run like hell. Try to zig-zag: if he's not packing automatic heat, it'll be hard for him to hit you. Unfortunately for you, since you're reading Uncyclopedia, you're probably a fat fuck, and therefore unable to run further that fifteen metres with a tail wind, down a hill covered with ball bearings.
Things are really getting serious now: as serious as someone who looked at a solar eclipse without one of those pinhole things, went blind as a result and now travels around schools telling people not to look at solar eclipses except through one of those pinhole things.
[edit] Step Three
Die like a man... and bring a gun next time.
