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This user is on vacation, sabbatical, administrative leave, or is otherwise goofing off with the knowledge and/or consent of the Admins. Or, more likely, they've buggered off without saying boo to anyone. Their expected date of return is when I finish my damn work, probably June 17th or June 18th. This last week of school is crucial for me and I can't be distracted. I'll still be slightly active, but not very much. If you're lonely, or you miss them, leave a message.

Puzzlepotato aqua.png Nominated Uncyclopedian of the Month
This user has been nominated for Uncyclopedian of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate your favourite users at Uncyclopedia:Uncyclopedian of the Month.
Pee reviewer of the month award.png Nominated Reviewer of the Month
This user has been nominated for Reviewer of the Month—you can vote for them or nominate any helpful reviewers at Reviewer of the Month.


For those who have been asking me to get a FaceBook, I had one, but deactivated it due to harassment. Please don't ask me to put out any personal information publicly, there or anywhere else, because of this harassment. Thank you. Also, Wikia sucks. It won't let me log in and nothing loads properly. FU hamsters on caffeine.

Carlb-sockpuppet-02.jpg Excuse me, did we correctly find your inner sock puppet by saying you are Paizuri?

Sockpuppeteer of the Month Award Sockpuppeteer of the Month April 2010

Help me!

Never fear, assistance has been summoned and will be arriving shortly!
Leave your message below, and check out Help:Contents in the meantime.
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NRV.png User Nominated for Ban
This user has been nominated for banning —you can vote for them to be banned or nominate your least-favourite users at FFS.
Just help already!
Look at his awards and stuff and be happy you have more awards than he does amazed.
Oh, and his PEE Reviews.
Commander of the Order
17-G This user does not speak 1337 and furthermore believes 1337 to be an embarassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of 1337.
DogNewspaper.jpg This user subscribes to the UnSignpost: The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!
sa-3 This user is able to contribute with an advanced level of Sarcasm.
ao-G This user does not speak AOLer and furthermore believes AOLer to be an embarassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of AOLer.
Clock.gif This user has been on Uncyclopedia for
10 years, 9 months and 5 days.

n00b This user is a n00b.
Bmup smaller.jpg This user is part of The Proofreading Service.

3000+ This user has over 3000 edits.
No Wikipedia.png
This user does not have a user page at Wikipedia because he or she thinks that they take things way too seriously over there.
Villianc.jpg This user is searching for the Cabal. If they go missing, please inform their family.
DramaticQuestionMark.png This user can also be found elsewhere on the internet.
Stop hand nuvola alternate.svg
This user has been blocked
8 times.

This user thinks that
Mr winkler is GAY, and that he should GET SOME SICK

Eaclogo.jpg This user is a member of the Evil Atheist Conspiracy.

"We're after your children and pets."
Salt Lake Flag.png This user is Openly Gay.
And is unabashedly proud of that fact.
Spellingnazi.png This user is a spelling Nazi. Beware their grammarsteeq.
Coffee sm.jpg
This user requires a steady supply of Caffeine.
So hand it over. NOW.
(List of users who NEED caffeine)

rn-G This user does not speak redneck and furthermore believes redneck to be an embarassment to language. This user desires genocide of all speakers of redneck.
Antisensor.JPG This user is against computer and video game censorship and regulation as they like porn and violence (though not always at the same time).
MEH This user redefines lazy.
Bush-jail bars-war criminal.jpg This user hates George Bush and therefore believes he must be arrested and tried for war crimes.
Screw It.png This user reserves the right to completely screw up his or her edits life by spending too much time on Uncyclopedia.
Eeek! This user steals userboxes from random people's user pages.
IC This user is a member of Imperial Colonization.

About HELPME[edit]

About me? Well, other than what my userboxes and subpages say, there isn't much. I'm a 16 year old in Washington D.C with no life. I've been frequenting the internet since about September of 2008. Uncyclopedia is my first and only Wiki, though I've been around many forums. (that explains why I hang around talk pages so much, and know nothing about this "privacy" bollocks.) I was born in England and lived there for about 4 or 5 years, so if I use both American and English terms, don't worry about it. I spend most of my time reverting vandals, cyberbullies, and unfunny people. I also list pages on QVFD, vote on VFD and various other pages, and do the occasional pee review. Basically, I'm helpful in a different way than article writers, but I don't think of myself as useless. If people like myself weren't around, about 80% of our old pages would be "suck mah dick" and about 99% of our new pages would be "ur gay." I'm also a grammar and spelling Nazi, and I can't stand the way people in D.C speak. If I correct your spelling and grammar, it's not because I'm a pain of the ass, it's because you need to learn English. Also, if my edit summary when I corrected your grammar was pompous and snooty, please don't cry. I do it out of love.

Frequently asked HELPME-themed questions[edit]

Does HELPME have far too many userboxes?



Penis.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 06:40, May 16 2010 UTC

Vagina. —Pelozurian (talk) 05:28, 6 June 2010 (UTC)
Die.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN Candidate NOTM USS Pees Stain ) On Sunday, 05:30, June 06 2010 UTC
No. —Pelozurian (talk) 06:20, 6 June 2010 (UTC)