User:Mrchowrules/Apparently Health Care Reform Passes Senate, Citizens Distracted by Christmas
24 December 2009
Washington -- Apparently, at 9:42am Eastern Time, the current Health Bill passed the senate 60-39, while most Americans slept in, most likely distracted by the upcoming Christmas day celebration. Even Vice President Joe Biden was unaware until his personal aides told him while on vacation in Wilmington, Delaware. "They told me that the bill we had been working on for about 8 months now had passed", Biden said on This Week With George Stephanopolus. "I was happy at first, but after realizing it was 9 in the morning, I told them to get the fuck out of my bedroom and leave me alone". Most Americans seemed unaware of the recent passing of the bill as well, except for Hindus, Jews, Atheists, and Buddhists, who were not distracted by Christmas. Muslims however were, as each and every one were set watching as that guy tried to blow up that plane. Sen. Joe Lieberman commented on his website on Sunday, stating that he doesn't like it when he spends "so long flip flopping on a bill, and then when he makes a decision, they don't even have the nerve to realize". The few Americans who tried to spread knowledge of the new law that was passed included Republican Senators John McCain, who told followers on his Twitter profile that dedicated, non-communist God believers should go to every department store in the United States, and beg Santa that the only thing they want for Christmas is for the U.S. Capitol to be blown up by North Koreans. While this seemed backwards, he defended this statement by saying "I only want to show how much I love this country, and if that means killing all 100 senators and our President, so be it. But at least it's better than this son-of-a-bitch health care bill." He was unable for further comment because of a colonoscopy and a dinner with a bunch of white people.
- Sean Hannity "[Foxnews.com Guess What Just Happened When You Were Celebrating Our Divine Creator's Birthday]". FOX News, December 26, 2009