User:Nebagram/Touching your nose with your tongue

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“The first day I was able to do this was the greatest day of my life.”

~ Nelson Mandela on Touching your nose with your tongue
The greatest super power known to mankind.

Touching your nose with your tongue is an activity limited to only the most genetically pure Aryan supermen, and people of most other races too. It is believed by many scientists including Dr. Robert Winston to be the pinnacle of human evolution.


Nixon, showing why he won the cold war.

The most popular approach to touching your nose with your tongue is to stick your tongue out, curl it upwards, and lick the tip of your nose. This may sound straightforward, but it takes talent, dedication, perseverance, and a really long tongue (or a really hooked nose) to be able to achieve.

Other, less popular techniques include cutting your tongue off with a pair of scissors and taping it to your nose, cutting your nose off to spite your face and stapling it to your tongue, and cutting both your nose and tongue off and arranging them in an aesthetically pleasing fashion on the mantelpiece.

Some people are known to favour the technique involving using your fingers to help you touch your nose with your tongue without cutting either of them off. This is clearly cheating.


Henry VIII, showing why he had six wives.

Touching your nose with your tongue is the ultimate action in that it will automatically overshadow any other action that is taking place at the same time. Often, porn movies will cut away from the image of 2 or more people having sex, just to show an 8-year old child sat in the corner, touching his nose with his tongue. At this point, everybody watching is expected to stand up and applaud for the duration of the nose-tongue contact. The BBC will also broadcast an emergency news bulletin if a major public figure has been spotted touching his or her nose with his or her tongue, even if it means interrupting the series finale of Doctor Who.

Anyone who touches their nose with their tongue will also automatically win at chess, Scrabble, Monopoly and life.

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