User:Optimuschris/talk archive 2

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A Blank Canvas?

Ha! A can of paint splashes across it with a gloopy sound. A manhole cover rattles back into place in the distance. All is still again. A variation on the talk page de-virgininsing thing. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:25, Apr 28

Well, at least the virginity is still intact. Graffitti away! -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN15:29, 28 Apr
/me pulls back a bloody cock from your talk page's ravaged vagina lol wat
(Wow, even I'm offended by that graphic image I just gave you.) ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 16:41 Apr 28
Did we leave our subtle hat at home today SysRq? ;-) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:09, Apr 28
lol wat ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 22:54 Apr 28
No, it's "lol wut" Isshiki Kotonashi-tan =3 | Talk! | IMRAC! | Sign! | Play! | Courtier Isshiki FBu! 15:28, 1 May 2008 (UTC)


Pointless tank.jpg Tha - wait for it! - nkyou!

UU wanted to express his thanks for your vote for that military thing he re-wrote.
Unfortunately, he asked several members of this year's winning regiment to deliver those thanks, and as you can see, they're having trouble getting to you. So you'll have to make do with this brown template instead. Cheers!

Thankies! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:09, Apr 28


Thanks for the welcome. Still learning my way around. I will be happy to share plenty of jokes & will eventually get around to contributing to Uncyc & VFH-ing soon. --Offtheair.gifStat talk 05:39, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Hey Stat (Yes I'm just making this comment to spit Opty, since I got to replying sooner than he did and it's his own talk page! He he) - 15:58 29 April Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Hetelllies 00:41, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Hi thanks for your advice I really appreciate it.Hetelllies 00:41, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

No sweat. I'll forgive you for not putting your message on the bottom this once because you're a noob. Next time it'll be the whip for you young man! :P -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN00:43, 1 May
OOps Sorry I got confused as to that 'insert your name here thing' .I thought it was a guideline as to how I am to write my message.Hetelllies 01:51, 1 May 2008 (UTC)
No worries, I's just teasin' ya a little. I think everything's gonna work out ok. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN22:59, 1 May

<insert name here>!!!

Hey Optimuschris, instead of {{USERNAME}} use {{BASEPAGENAME}}. I'm seeing myself being thanked on other people's pages, and that's probably incorrect... unless you know how hard I've worked to save this wiki.   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [13:03]>

I knew that. Tryin' to make me feel stupid eh? Thank you, I knew there had to be a better way! -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN14:04, 30 Apr
And again, Cajek saves Uncyclopedia. Where's his award? You're welcome, OC! Come by my talk page if you need anything else.   Le Cejak <Apr 30, 2008 [14:25]>
No whining! Get back to work! Unsolicited conversation Extravagant beauty PEEING 01:14, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Hmm... Can you Pop into IRC chat?

??? MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 00:58, May 2

Sorry, no. I'm about to log off for the night. Tomorrow? Let me know what's on your mind. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN01:00, 2 May
This is mine [1]. I'm in IRC now if you want to pop in. We would need to get a private chat going... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 17:47, May 2

NotM - Thanks


Optimuschris, you there? Come out where I can see you, I come bearing gifts! There you are! You are a VERY clever person. Why? Because you voted for me and helped me become NotM! Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

To reward you, I'm giving you a YTTE goodie-bag. It is a collection of YTTE memorabilia I've just pulled out of my pocket...That's one scrumpled piece of paper, a dead slug, three unidentified hairs, a strain of the bird flu virus, a morally ambiguous Olympic torch, two cows and various assorted, unexpected items. Enjoy!

YTTE would also remind you that he's still got a few miracle toothbrushes left. Toothbrushes have so many uses, and these miracles ones are great! Buy one now for a massively reduced price and enjoy their increased ease-of-use feel. 98% of the people studied said their teeth were saved by these total protection tooth brushes! Get your hands on one now!

P.S. Sorry that was so long and rambling, sorry there's no picture. You'll just have to imagine that this is a short, concise, beautiful thank you template. Also I'm hoping I'm not breaking any unspoken rule or etiquette of Uncyclopedia by giving you this thank you template!

from YTTE.

...My turn to give you a generic thank you template. Thanks! - 16:21 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Did I adopt you?

I'm not sure if we ever agreed that I did! Should I fill out the paper work? MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 20:28, May 2

Benefits? This .js shit's kinds neat. It stalled IE when I refreshed it this last time. Does that just happen occasionally? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN20:35, 2 May
Benefits? Well everyone gets to know... Oh, OK, there are not really any. Just makes me look slightly more cool I guess... As per IE... Like I said, I don't really use it. I don't think it should stall IE, if it keeps happening, maybe try copying my .js. The code you have "imports" the script from the other pages, and so may go and re-get the source page each time. With my .js it does not need to do that, so it runs a bit more quickly. Also... and I don't know if you are aware or not, but I think you might get on better with Firefox.... OK, seriously I guess you need to use Firefox at home and IE at work. I think this should be OK, as IE should not cause "trouble" with the .js it can't handle. For me, IE works OK, just nothing works. If you decide to copy my .js you will need to create your own copy of my "welcome" page. Just search for MrN9000 and change em all to your name, and create "Optimuschris\Welcome"... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 20:46, May 2
I think you might be right. It only stalls out when I refresh. Normal navigation seems to work okay. You can adopt me if it'll help you look cool. :P -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN20:50, 2 May
Well I feel honoured! Hea, hang on, this is the wrong way around! Actually, if you ever want to do any adoption yourself, I think you are supposed to be adopted yourself first, so that you can be "graduated"... MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 20:56, May 2
Cool. How do I graduate? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN21:15, 2 May
Check out Uncyclopedia:AAN and Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters. You are graduated when your adopter gives you the {{AdopteeGrad}} template. Which if you look at your user page, I already have... Really it just means you can adopt if you want to. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 21:20, May 2

On your article

I like the premise, I like the punchline. The problem is just that it's so many paragraphs of nothing funny, all leading up to it. A lot of the presumably funny-intended lines are jokes that have been around for years, and a lot of the cursing outbursts are very unoriginal as well. I understand a lot of that ends to the final punchline, but mix it up a little. Throw in something absurd.

Example: after a lot of the more common traffic problems occur, an alien spaceship lands unexpectedly on the road and starts a war with earth right there, opting to immediately take out some of the road's drivers. The article's narrator is so furious that he doesn't bother to take notice of the extraordinary fact that there are aliens battling right in front of him, even threatening his very life, but he continues on with his "every obstacle in front of me is such an idiotic piece of shit" mentality, and flips off the UFO or something.

Interesting things like that help move the article along, add something extra to laugh at along the way, but allow the punchline and overall premise to stay as it was. So yes, there's my critique of it. Do think on it and let me know if you ever get around to changing some things, I'd like to read it. Also, I'd love to read a fixed up version of the nazi article if you in fact ever do one, as I really loved the overall premise. Cheers! -RAHB 23:05, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Well, keep working on them, the beauty of wiki is that something can always be improved upon. For the nazi guy, he could probably remain very upbeat and still say generally offensive and hilarious things at the same time. The humor is in him not knowing that what he's saying is offensive and/or hilarious. More humor could come out of the fact that none of the offensive material actually has to be nazi-related. Anyways, if you ever need help on something though, feel free to ask. I'd like to consider myself a pretty decent humorist, so it at least doesn't hurt to try. -RAHB 23:30, 6 May 2008 (UTC)


Thank you for voting

You have been awarded majority shareholding in DJ's Worms and Drinkies by way of thanks for voting Pre-Market Economy onto the main page. Just hold on tight, those kids bite...

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 10:09, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:15, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:30, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Long-delayed thankings

Guyonfire.jpg Err...
Hey, sorry I'm, uhh, a little bit late on the thanks for this thing... I've been really, really, busy. Anyways, thanks for voting, and, with any luck, those delusional fools will let me out of this hell-hole soon.
I'm going to burn you all!

Hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, amirite? - Don Leddy the Crunch Fedora.JPG (Nyah, see, nyah!) 23:55, May 12

UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:58, 15 May 2008 (UTC)


Pyotr Kuznetsov.jpg Pyotr Kuznetsov Says: "Thank You For Voting!"
Pyotr Kuznetsov would be here himself, but what with his psychiatric treatment and all, he sent Dora to convey this message.
Oh wait, Dora's dead! Oh well. Anyway, thanks for voting for this!

Please accept the preceding generic template as a sign of my gratitude, Optimuschris. - 08:14 17 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

UnSignpost: May 22nd, 2008

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 20:16, 22 May 2008 (UTC)

Join The CMC! Make Your Inner Cow Happy!

Moo, Optimuschris!

What is it about cows that gets us all hot and bothered? Where do cows come from? What are cows?

These are the questions that drive the Cow Moo Cult and its brethren, who are very, VERY interested in cows and cow by-products.

The CMC is devoted not only to cows, but to helping Uncyclopedia through general acts of goodness and through motivating people with cow-treats and the like.

So, Optimuschris, why not join the CMC? It's free (unless you count virginity as money) and it's fun (and it's full of clichés)! You'll get a pretty template for your userpage and a nice title for your signature! What could be better? Sign Up Now!
Double moos from your cowy friend,

UnSignpost: May 29nd, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 02:59, 29 May 2008 (UTC)


...fancy having your cult-virginity removed by joining the Clever Man's Club, the Cautious Metal Coalition, the Camp Malicious Cods, the Coughing Madmen's Cult? - [18:47 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

I know this is a double whore...but I'm a whory guy...and sorry...I wanted to stop by and say hi...and rape you Sorry. Can we have sex now? - [18:53 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
Ya dude. OS? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN19:01, 30 May
OS...does that mean oral sex (please god let it mean oral sex)? I mean I don't mind which way we do (oh gawd I want a BJ, so, so much). - [19:05 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
You'll fugure it out. I'm gonna take off my pants. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN19:12, 30 May
Ewww! Why would you do that? - [19:15 30 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise



So what's happening of son of mine?

OK, I'm in my 30's and you are possibly older, so maybe I should not talk about that... Anyway, just to let you know, I have a new "whoring" box at the top of my talk page these days. Whatever you are working on, if you are interested in me contributing to it, drop it in... Cheers. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 01:06, Jun 1

You're in your 30's? Jesus! SO OLD!   Le Cejak <1:08, 01 Jun 2008>
How did you know that was my other name? You're 25 Cajek????? I'm actually... Lower (mid) 30's. You get very particular with these things at my age... Anyone would think I'm soon to be the same age as... Jesus, is that the time? Also. I wonder if Chris will tell us how old he is? Also, Also.... My G/F just had a breast reduction! NOT FUCKING SHIT. Things will never be the same again. Goodbye DD's. Hello C cup. ALSO, ALSO, ALSO... Why teh fek am I saying this on poor Chris's talk page? Ah, I remember. Chris is our resident expert on breasts so he can probably assure me that C is a good size. I will miss the DD's though. :-( MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 01:15, Jun 1
LOL UR ALL GRAMPAS IM 16! /me goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 01:21 Jun 1
Fek, I'm twice your age SysRq! /me feels old and goes back to masturbating and drinking the vodka he stole from his parents MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 01:25, Jun 1
Haha, I didn't really realize until recently that I'm actually one of the few young Uncyclopedians. A lot of you are in your 30s and whatnot, although I already knew Chris was old. How old is YTTE? Or UU? Or Skullthumper, for that matter? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 01:28 Jun 1
Actually of those who's ages I know, or have been told, I think the majority are under 20. You might be surprised at the ages of some people... But my lips are sealed. You would have to ask them. :P wicked aren't I MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 01:33, Jun 1
Me? Oh, I am teh youngzors. Oh yes. I am so down with the kids. SysRq is teh ancientzors. Seriously. I'm not even old enough to drink Sunny D. And if my mum caught me looking at those pictures OptyC has had on his userpage, why she'd stop my pocket money. Or maybe I am, as I suspected, a bit older than Cajek, and not too far off MrN. You decide. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:19, Jun 2
Sux my dixxorz I am just 16 :D... but Squiggle is like 13 or something scary and there was an 8yr old somewhere on here :/ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 13:29, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
Also YTTE is like my age, Skully and THE are slightly older... Leddy is about my age, maybe older... and Ljlego is a freakin robot... also SysRq I is still teh virgin to :( --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 13:31, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
Will all you young whippersnappers get off my porch? I'm trying to watch Matlock here! 16? I hate you. Who stole my Geritol? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN13:38, 2 Jun

How dare you?

You don't appear to have a South Park image of yourself for me to add to my South Park images of people gallery at the moment. Rectify this shocking oversight, please. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:14, Jun 2

Um, okay. Where do I find these? -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN14:16, 2 Jun
Have fun! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:17, Jun 2

Thanks buddy!

I LOVE YOU os? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 17:46 Jun 2

Further to this, that was your fifth in-depth pee review, and as such, you would make a decent member of PEEING. If you're interested, pop over and sign yourself up. I sent you, so you can just add yourself to the "Fresh Stains" list and appropriate the userbox for your page if you so desire. Alternatively, you can not join. It's a free wiki. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:59, Jun 3
Actually, don't listen to that guy above. You have to join! If you don't, we send a huge bucket of fresh pee around to your house, and spread it all over your carpet. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 12:03, Jun 3
Irrelevant instruction MrN: no-one listens to me anyway... (Or is that just at work? I can never remember) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:28, Jun 3
did someone call me? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent OZ! Noobaward.jpg Wotm.jpg Unbooks mousepad.PNG GUN.png 12:30, 3 June 2008 (UTC)

Late thanks!

Portrait-of-Homeless-Man-IMG 3825.jpg Thanks, son!
But Uncle Sam didn't thank me! All you bastards can GO TO HELL!! Eh, got any change, son? I sure hope no one writes an incredibly offensive article about me. Wait, where ya goin, son?

Thanks for voting for Veteran.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 18:42 Jun 3

I voted for that nonsense? Man, I must have been so high! -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us.png CUN19:17, 3 Jun

Y'know, you don't see many VFH thanks templates about these days, do you?

Don't care. I still use 'em. Here's one now:

Bubbledress.jpg *pop*
Yeah, er, thanks for *pop*
your vote for *pop* that...
oh lord, her whole dress is made of...
*popop* *pop*

And then two turn up at once. Must be fate, or karma or something. Thanks for the vote, Opty! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:11, Jun 4

UnSignpost: June 5th, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 05:18, 5 June 2008 (UTC)


Jurassic park tyranosaurus rex.jpg RAAAAWR!!
GRAAH! Gavin thanks you for voting to publish his memoirs. Just don't let any trannies read it.
Thanks for voting.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 12:50 Jun 5

UnSignpost: June 12th, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 16:58, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: June 19th, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 01:04, 21 June 2008 (UTC)


Hai Opty! Hows are you? How dare us not talk for so long. I was going to propose and everything...but then I went and accidently ordered a mail bride, so I've got to be faithful to her and stuff. Anyway, UnProvise has fallen into disuse a bit, so I was hoping to kickstart it a bit with this UnProvise. What do you think? Care to get involved and help UnProvise power forwards? - [13:39 22 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

UnSignpost: June 26nd, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 22:40, 27 June 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for voting me your Best Friend

Bff.png Hello, Optimuschris, I just thought I'd drop by to let you know that you're my best friend too.
No really.
Sure you may see this message on other people's talk page
but you know that I'm just saying that so I don't hurt their "feelings".
You are special.
I also recognise that you weren't exactly spoilt for choice on who to vote for
But thanks all the same

You won't regret it! I'll always be there when ever you need me and if you ever become an insurance salesman I'll definitly buy some. Have Fun! MuCal. BFF Sir Orian57!Talk!PEE!Read!UnProvise!Awards! 03:57 1 July 2008

Thanks for the vote!

Jimi psychedelic.jpg Necropaxx loves Hippies and you do too.
PS: No physical contact, please, the smell will rub off.
Thanks for voting on Hippies on VFH.

Necropaxx (T) {~} 20:44, Jul 8

I think you deserve one of these...

MShippo37915.jpg Jolly Good Show!

MrN9000 could not help but notice that you have been doing some spiffingly good deeds of late.
As such, you have been awarded this rather nice boxy type thing by way of recognition.

Glad you are still around, and writing good stuffs. MrN Icons-flag-gb.png 00:57, Jul 9

Thanks for the vote

Thanks;)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:09, 10 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: Jewlie 3rd/10th, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:32, 12 July 2008 (UTC)

Will u review my article

Hey Opti..., I was wondering if u wouldn't mind peeing on my article user:Bobofosho2/Ventura, CA.-Bobofosho2 02:23, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, No Rush

Thanks, please review my article.-Bobofosho2 17:21, 18 July 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: July 17th, 2008

THEDUDEBOT Armed and Ready Say The Word 06:06, 20 July 2008 (UTC)


So yeah, Orian has mentioned that the UnSignpost, paragon of investigative journalism (or is that pentagon? I can never remember), should cover a certain super secret page of yours, and his response from the other side of the fence. So my question is this: how super secret is that page? Would you object to both of the UnSignpost's readers finding out all about it? And if so, would you like to write any blurb about it yourself? Finally, it's been a while since I said hello to you on here, so Hello OptyC, hope you're well dude! --UU - natter UU Manhole.gif 09:35, Jul 21

Review ReekQuest

Hi it's me. I would like you to review this page. I have already ask another admin to move it for me. So you won't have to but I would really appreciate it if you would comment on it. Hetelllies 10:22, 21 July 2008 (UTC)