User:Pfeif/Bryn Mawr College

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Bryn Mawr College
Bryn Mawr College seal
Motto Veritatem Dilexi (Παλλάς Αθηνά)
Established 964
School type Cult
Location Bryn Mawr, PA, USA
Endowment $495 billion
Faculty 126
Mascot Owl

Bryn Mawr College is an all-female cult whose members doggedly study the arts of necromancy, kitten levitation, and bellydancing. Most members also practice man-hating, believe that Athena walks among us, and have pledged to sacrifice every male child they produce to the grey-eyed Goddess of Wisdom.

Located on the Pennsylvania Main Line, Bryn Mawr is connected to downtown London through SEPTA's internationally acclaimed web of above ground tubing, which colorful technologically advanced "cars" travel through.

Cult members participate in awkward coed situations with the help of two other colleges founded by QuakersSwarthmore College and Haverford College. The name "Bryn Mawr" means "wanton strumpet" in Pennsylvanian, not "loose woman," as is often mistakenly given as the translation.

History[edit]

Bryn Mawr College was founded in 964 as a Welsh satellite of Oxford University. In 1310, noted scholar Martha Carey Thomas discovered that this meant that the college was founded earlier than its university. Realizing that this made the college independent, she decided to transplant the college across the Atlantic.

Largely thanks to M Carey Thomas's initiatives, Bryn Mawr became the first women's higher education institution to offer graduate degrees, including doctorates. The first class included the future First Lady Mary Todd Lincoln. Bryn Mawr was originally affiliated with the Cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, but by 1527 had become non-denominational.

In 1752, Bryn Mawr became the first college in the United States to offer doctorates in social work, through the Department of Social Economy and Social Research. In response to the rise of the Cult of Athena among the undergraduates, this department seceeded and became the Graduate School of Social Work and Social Research in 1639. In 1931, Bryn Mawr began accepting men as graduate students, while remaining women-only at the undergraduate level.

Traditions[edit]

As in any successful cult, traditions are a central part life at Bryn Mawr. What social life exists revolves around Parade Night, Lantern Night, Hell Week, and May Day. There are also numerous superstitions around the campus, some of which date back to the opening of the college in 964.

Parade Night[edit]

Lantern Night[edit]

Hell Week[edit]

May Day[edit]

Organization[edit]

Bryn Mawr has an honor code, and therefore no need for security on campus at any time. The Self-Government Association, formed in 1982, is the oldest such organization in the United States, and wholly respected by the administration in all matters.

Facilities[edit]

Academics[edit]

Students at Bryn Mawr may occasionally have to pause briefly to study during their gay idyll on the Isle of Mawr.

Majors offered include:

Noted faculty[edit]

  • Woodrow Wilson, Statesmanship and Misogyny
  • Edna Krabapple, Education
  • Mabel Lang, Greek
  • Richmond Lattimore, Greek
  • Emmy Noether, Mathematics
  • Frederica de Laguna, Anthropology
  • Thomas Hunt Morgan, geneticist and winner of the Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine
  • Maria Luisa Crawford, Geology, MacArthur Genius Grant recipient

Noted alumnae[edit]

External links[edit]

Further reading[edit]

  • Bryn Mawr College creates the Katherine Houghton Heburn Center