Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale

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Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale is arguably the 5th worst movie on the face of the Earth. In this movie, which rips off Charlotte's Web, a pampered, fat idiot piglet named Walt eats his mom's pie and says that aliens did it, then he breaks her favorite pot and says that a ghost did it, and then he says that he did his homework but it ate the dog when he really didn't even do it. Then a snake called Noiman Ja Rahr comes along and tries to take Walt to Viperwood and make him a star, when in reality Ja Rahr is really just too much of a jew to spend $5 on bacon. So they tried to give it a moral, but it was really just a failed money-making scheme.

If you want to see this fuck-heap of a piece of shit movie without having to pay money for it (not like you would actually want to) just go here: The Worst Movies Ever - Spider's Web: A Pig's Tale (Part 1/5). Watch only with extreme caution, if you dare dare.

Reception

The severely mentally handicapped creator of the movie, Michael Schelp, spent a whopping $1,025 trillion making the movie and edited it with Windows Movie Maker. He wrote the script in five minutes but spent another three years revising it, to make sure there were enough fart jokes and racist remarks by the horse in the movie. When asked about the value of the movie, considering the universal hatred of his previous ones, he said "durrrrrrr" continuously for approximately 1 hour before finally saying "I don't know."

Everybody hated it; it scored 0% at Rotten Tomatoes with an average rating of -100 percent approval. Roger Ebert formed an angry mob and they all attacked Michael Schelp, who screamed like a baby, shat himself, tried to run away, and later killed himself. The only person ever to give this movie a rating above 0% was a retarded whore who hadn't actually seen the movie and was too stupid to even comprehend it even if she had seen it. In fact, she rated it 100% on her Rotten Tomatoes account. Then she got suspended from YouTube because she clicked the like button when the video clearly stated "Do NOT click the thumbs up button", because only someone stupider than children who play Cunt of Diarrhea could like this movie. Later, the angry mob found out where she lived and killed her. Currently, users on MySpace will murder anyone who attempts to disgrace the site by uploading parts of this video. When they are through, they return to their Britney Spears videos with a wary eye, prepared to lash out upon the next unfortunate n00b who dares upload even a small potion of the movie without accompanying commentary about how much it sucks.

In October of 2006, a woman who was in attendance at an early screening began to throw up and violently shake, apparently suffering from a stroke. At the hospital she exclaimed "I'll never laugh again!" and she is currently undergoing extensive therapy. Michael Schelp is being sued for "Extensive emotional damage". Also following the early screening of the movie, a riot broke out, and several people were severely injured.

For others attending the early screening, the movie was not received, yes, it was not received. Besides those that put a suicide pill in their drinks before seeing the movie, all others left their cinemas in disgust after watching the first joke. We do not have closure on what the certain joke was, but we have an estimate that it involved one of the following: The pig being blown up, a TV coming to life and attempting to eat him and his friends, a fart joke involving "methane gas" emitted by cows, something racist the horse said, or something racist the horse did.

The movie ended up costing $41,300 trillion dollars to make, Schelp having added an extra 40,275 trillion for the horse's fart jokes and racist remarks, and I stole all the profits the movie gained. As the talking Bender doll would say: "Bite my shiny metal ass, Michael Schelp!"

It was latter proven that the movie was so mindbogglingly bad that it was released Direct-to-DVD by The Asylum under the disguise Spark Plug Entertainment. An IMDb user review describes it best: "You'd Rather Receive Oral Sex From A Piranha Than Watch This Piece Of Painful Crap!" Another review also states that it "Makes Delgo look like Toy Story 3 or Doogal Look Like How To Train Your Dragon". And yet another also called it "The Disaster Movie of Animation". Many others think of it as being to Charlotte's Web what The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure is to Teletubbies: A completely crappy knock-off of a popular kids' show/movie/book. So if you're thinking that it can't be that bad, it indeed can, and it is. Don't believe me? See for yourself!

Box office

The movie broke the record for the biggest box office bomb, and managed to be even worse than the Super Mario Bros. live-action movie. It's still the lowest rated, most hated movie of all times on all of Rotten Tomatoes. (they gave The Oogieloves 27% from critics, and 65% from the audience).

Soundtrack

48 minutes of a pure, absolute lack of music. There was no soundtrack: it is all a lie.

External links