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“Interned for a year on Wikipedia. That's why he's like that.”
“My goal in life is to cross my vocation and avocation, just like my eyes cross when I see a woman with an awesome pair of chest monkeys”
Location: New Hampshire
(UTC+5, UTC+4 in summer)
Principal maintainer of:
Other areas of interest: UnNews articles, Rescuing articles off VFD, Northeast US, Latin America, American race relations, Baseball
E-mail: You can e-mail me, in English or Spanish. It will go to a DOS dial-up machine, so no multimedia nor broadcasts, please. I cannot mail you from here, but I can reply from there, once you've e-mailed me.
The articles listed below are of course not exclusively mine, but I once rewrote them (totally or as indicated). I watch and defend them (or else I'll take them off this list).
I started with New Hampshire during July, 2009. When no one discarded my work with a snippy note against "original research," I got bolder, got a user name, and dug in on articles about places I've traveled to:
And I've performed gut-and-paste jobs requested by a tag in the article, on:
- However, the solicitation was made by one of Uncyclopedia's perennial problem children, and while he was banned from the site.
- Rules of baseball, split off from Baseball, won Best Article by a n00b in the 8th Poo Lit Surprise, October 2009.
- Work was featured on the front page on 23 January 2010.
In September, I stumbled on a high-school vanity page, wrote a section to pull it in the direction of general interest, and later deleted several personal biographies (which one of them claimed represented made-up people, hah!). For that, I got some vandalism, and they and their article got huffed.
On 13-Oct-09, I made my first nomination to VFD and started opening discussion Forums. So it was gently suggested that I pay some freight, and I reviewed four articles. That was a disaster! for 2 of them, I didn't have sufficient context and didn't know it. Slightly later, someone lamented that Uncyclopedia was dying because no one was entering the semiannual competition, so I submitted two articles to that.
Saves off VFD
Lately I've been loitering at the Votes For Deletion (VFD) water-cooler, where bad articles go to die, looking for articles to save. It's more social than picking requests off a list, and it carries the satisfaction that every good job displaces one of Uncyclopedia's worst. It's like being the local Simon Cowell (though I'm probably also the object of one unsatisfied customer's reference to "Uncyclopedia's Hitler Youth"). I've thus taken custody of the following articles:
- Angry Asian Kid
- Argumentum ad
- Basement Dweller
- Ben Folds Five
- Chicken McNuggets
- Croatia during VFD of Kurvatia
- Hmor with Romartus
- Jam Jesus with Romartus
- Korea (disambiguation)
- Mustaches of Legend
- el Niño
- Peter Pan
- Pink Panther Party
- the Quaker Oats guy
Redirected from William Penn
- Rice burners
- Survival of the Fittest
Replaces "Survival of the Sickest"
- Telugu language
- White van
- the Wish Fish
And I provided clerical help, but disclaim responsibility, for several articles that were rescued from VFD when I instigated but didn't exactly volunteer. I would take myself out of the article history, if I could; and am doing the reader a huge favor at great possible personal risk by making links out of the following:
- Kurdish Military Industries appeared on the front page on 29-Mar-10.
Placement Is Treatment
So said The Fat Man in the novel The House of God. That is, a workable (I mean billable) alternative to delivering treatment is to hand off the patient to the right specialist. Consequently, my involvement on VFD and elsewhere has induced other, more knowledgeable users to go for the Save on the following:
* Currently stalled and offering excuses
In February 2010, the pickings became slim on VFD of salvageable articles, and I used the free time to combine comedy writing with another love--following and commenting on current events--and started submitting articles to UnNews, usually closely based on actual but already-mostly-absurd emissions of the AP wire. I also did some audio UnNews reports, returning to a hobby I had not had since before everything was computerized.
My work on UnNews is listed on a separate page, which you should visit if you have feedback or suggestions for new items.
Recommended articles by other people
There are pearls here, such as the marvelous article based on the premise that a baseball team owner could create the Birmingham Niggers without understanding the offensiveness. I am watching it, and other race-based articles listed above, to keep it subtle and keep the rants and name-calling out.
Expressing your anger is a distant second to being funny--except that someone's article on My ex-wife masterfully does both: It conveys anger authentically but is still as funny as the stand-up comedy Sam Kinison did. Can't improve it.
I'm here because I enjoy using MediaWiki, enjoy writing precisely (am a technical editor in Real Life), and like to make people laugh. I mostly work on existing articles and hope to retain or adapt any excellence that existed previously.
My sense of humor is one of the drier ones here--the best example is the virtually jokeless There Isn't Any. I prefer to take familiar subjects and tell the truth in a funny way, or contribute facts that are funny by themselves, over goofy flights of fancy unless they have a double meaning or otherwise relate to reality. Most everything I write has the seeds of truth. But the stems and leaves are total crap and it's developed with the low standards of research appropriate to this site.
My bias is to distrust large corporations, but more greatly distrust the use of government force to remake them and us. I hope thus to be able to ridicule both sides, but mostly ridiculed one side in Global warming: Scientists making unmeasurable declarations of cause and effect, and recommending policy, are not practicing science; science is never "settled" and does not work on "consensus."
I wrote in British English in the 'nineties while a consultant to a computer consortium in Reading, England. I'm now back to American English (except for "judgement" and "saveable"). I write concisely in a style that resembles spoken American, overuse commas to indicate pauses in speech, and am happy to end sentences with prepositions.
This joint is more fun than Wikipedia, because there are fewer Small Minds pursuing consistency and Mandarins who exalt the style manual and reject work that is useful instead of merely formal. Both sites have their goal, but here it's end-result (making people laugh), whereas on Wikipedia it's preoccupied with process.
With the pearls mentioned above, however, is a lot of chaff, not involving subtlety, wryness, ridiculing the ridiculous, or pursuing an absurdity, but just clever gibberish. I hate deleting other people's work but make an exception for the history of the future, explanations in terms of God-versus-Satan, and life as a brand-new, Matrix-like videogame. And after I've worked on an article for a couple weeks and changed it from those memes to a subtle poke at the real world, I tend to defend it against the insertion of Grue templates, quotes from Oscar Wilde, and comparable initiatives to demonstrate the contributor's cleverness, especially if he has no user name, and especially if he writes no change summary.
The sections in many articles on "Fun facts" or "Little-known facts" or "Trivia" are invitations for people (none with a user name) who can't write but only Tweet, to contribute their most clever one-liner. This never develops the canon of the article and usually repeats a joke already told earlier.
Fortunately, many are getting at something. As every reader who misunderstands you does so for a reason and may identify a problem with your writing, every contributor, no matter how brief or misguided, alerts you to a new direction in which the article could go. I hope to be of good cheer and accept their help if it makes any sense at all.
- Spike is not morbidly obese (though perhaps that's only knowable in retrospect) nor orally fixated, as these animations might suggest.
- Spike often cooks at home, following his First Law of Home Economics: If the sauce is curry or Szechuan, nothing has to be fresh. Cultural realism is not a criterion either, resulting in works like Hamburger Tikka Masala.
- Spike is a late adopter of technology. Every Windows system in the house is a 2300-song jukebox spanning decades, one-eighth of the songs recut and recombined the way they should have been recorded. Except for that and web surfing, everything would be DOS.