User:SPIKE/Sappy

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October 18, 2019 13:25 UTC

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Valedictorian Takahashi is sanguine about his storm-damaged car: "I always wanted a convertible."

Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day

TOLEDO, Ohio -- A tornado unleashed a "war zone" in northern Ohio on what should have been the happiest day of the year. A seven-mile-long strip southeast of Toledo is now littered with wrecked vehicles, splintered wood and disfigured teddy bears.
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Latest sappy news:

7 June

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Valedictorian Takahashi is sanguine about his storm-damaged car: "I always wanted a convertible."

Ohio tornado wreaks havoc, ruins day

TOLEDO, Ohio -- A tornado unleashed a "war zone" in northern Ohio on what should have been the happiest day of the year. A seven-mile-long strip southeast of Toledo is now littered with wrecked vehicles, splintered wood and disfigured teddy bears.
» Full story



Shiny!!!

Shiny Balloon Becomes Media Darling

FORT COLLINS, Colorado -- Today a shiny balloon floating across Southern North America captured the hearts and minds of cable media outlets around the world. Built by Science enthusiasts Richard and Mayumi Heene, the air construct held the media's attention for hours. The extreme coverage length ended in tragedy however when events took a terrible turn....
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Reader poll

<poll> Do you think President Obama is an American citizen? Of course! he's President, for Chrissakes Hell no! I read Uncyclopedia, you know ┬┐Why choo oskin' me? </poll>

Results of last poll

Are you happy with the direction in which the country is moving?
61%    Delighted. I voted for change. Now, where do I go to get my free, new GM car?
13% No. I am a progressive. We should be progressively moving into the future, only faster.
11% No. In the Good Old Days, we'd put punks like Obama over our knee and give them a good spanking. Well, maybe not Negroes.
10% No. I was for McCain, bless him. We were both in the Service. 'Nuff said. Except, wish Sarah Palin had kept her trap shut. And gotten the boob job sooner.
Totals do not add up to 100% due to rounding error, undecided/uncommitted/inarticulate, and poll-taker sloth.