User:Staircase/UnNews:Passengers on missing plane "wanted to go for a swim"
June 2, 2009
Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean - The disappearance of Air France Flight 447 has bewildered many, but not all the light has been shed on this subject. Before the plane went down, a group of a HAM radio club members picked up a signal which had a message regarding Flight 447's intentions.
These members heard the following message: "Several passengers have requested to go for a swim in the ocean. We will abide to their request by taking a pit stop in the ocean for a while, and then proceed with the flight. We will shut down all radio frequencies for the comfort of the passsengers, and when our flight begins again we will re-activate them." However, it appears the plane never followed through with its initial intentions, due to its elongated abscence over the ocean.
"It was actually quite cool," said John Johnson, one of the radio workers. "At first we thought it was a practical joke, but when we saw the news that the plane had gone missing we knew it was no bluff," The club memebers had decided to keep their information private until they found it was the right time to release it to the press. "What, would you expect us attention-wanting kids to release it immediately, No one would believe us. We had to wait until things got really juicy."
Many people were skeptical of this information. But then that changed when the debris that once was the plane was discovered. In the debris they saw several people swimming and eating lunch on pieces of floating fuselage. Several helicopters recovered the ten people, and they were asked what had happened.
"Well, we wanted to go for a swim. So, we asked the stewardess if we could talk to the pilot about it, and she mumbled something in Swedish or something. I don't remember what language it was. SO we went up to the pilot, and lucky for us the man spoke english," said one of the survivors. "We asked politely if we could go for a swim, so he said we should get some parchutes and jump out the back. He said he would land the plane somewhere nearby so he could pick us up. Unfortunately, however, it appears the plane exploded once it hit the water. My good damn shoes were on that plane!"
The statements of the survivors and released information has raised many eyebrows regarding the intelligence of French pilots. "Ve do not have zee standairds of zee Americans, becauze ve are confi-dant in our pilotz. Ve pick zee people who fly zee planes vell, not zee people zat make zee math equa-shons. Ve do not need zem to be smart, ve need them to fly zee areo-planes," said Jocke Babineux, the presidant of Air France Flights. "I do not know vat you reportairs are so concerned aboot, ve only lost zome teux hunjred passenjairs, I zeenk zat zen servived? Yes," he said.
Many found his point of view controversial, but his reason convinced most people that his view is correct. "Vell, vith zat many people off zee eerth, it vill make a cut on zee car emi-shons, yes?" he said. This caused the press conference to stand and applaud.