User:Striker2117/The Uncyclopedia Conspiracy
The basic assumption behind this crazy theory is that some all-powerful party simply does whatever it wants without any regard for the set rules. The members of the aforementioned party are referred to as the "Cabal" by all the users who, in their demented little cracked out brains, believe that such a thing exists. This is, of course, completely ludicrous as many of the most powerful, and therefore knowledgeable, members of Uncyclopedia openly state that there is no "Cabal". It is the suggestion of this article that you now go take a nice rest with the help of this handy rag of chloroform.
The First Investigation
The first investigation into the ridiculous allegations of the alleged conspiracy theory was undertaken by a small group of elite investigators. After much searching and scrounging for evidence of the supposed conspiracy, all of the investigators disappeared in circumstances which the writers of this article were assured were accidents and had nothing to do with the "Cabal" that the investigators had been searching for. After the tragic, natural, and non-suspicious disappearances of the investigators; a few users claimed to have stumbled across the dead bodies of the investigators in the admin's lounge. When they returned with the proper authorities, there were no bodies and the "witnesses" were deemed insane. These insane few also disappeared, never to be seen again, but the Cabal, which doesn't exist, reassured the other users that they had simply wandered off on their own and there was nothing shady going on at all.
The first investigation was seen by many users (most of which were in the non-existent Cabal) as proof that there was no conspiracy. After all, not only had no conspiracy been discovered, but all of the investigators of the alleged conspiracy were never seen or heard from again, presumably because there was nothing to investigate as there was no conspiracy. Further support for the lack of the supposed conspiracy is the disappearance of all those who said there was one; which is largely believed to be self-exile caused by the humiliation that their false allegations of a conspiracy brought upon them. A spokesperson for the imaginary Cabal largely agreed with this analysis when it was presented before him/her/it.
The Second Investigation
Despite the rational, logical, heavily censored, classified report produced by the Center And Bureau of Aboveboard Labors (or more simply C.A.B.A.L.), a few crazy denizens of Uncyclopedia once again began sticking their pointy little virtual noses where they shouldn't and a second investigation of some sort of conspiracy was launched.