User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/100
Episode 100: Revenge of the Capitalists
(The episode starts out on Corsaire's star destroyer, stationed in a dock somewhere in France.)
Mhale: We'll have to help them...
(The Star Destroyer falls from the dock, and sinks into the ocean, killing many unimportant people)
Corsaire: YOU ARE ALL FIRED!
(Scene to space battle, Han's X-wing is hit, and it spirals into a uncontrollable spin!)
Han: I'm losing control... (X-wing explodes, static)
(Switch scenes. Benson and Aquarii are stuck on a ship while tied up)
Benson: THE ONLY WAY TO ESCAPE IS TO CRASH THE SHIP!
Aquarii: That should be easy, after all, our group crashes planes for a living!
(A quick flash shows Darth alive still. Arvel drinks a shot of whiskey)
Dizberg: Don't be too hard on yourse-
Arvel: It's my fault! I must avenge his death!
Emmzed: We don't even know if he is dead!
Arvel: An entire crew...destroyed...
Dizberg: What are you talking about!?
Arvel: Fire photon torpedoes!
Emmzed: We're not on that class of carrier!
(Arvel runs into the dock, nobody follows)
Dizberg: What is he going to do?
Emmzed: Who cares? Keep shooting down those sickle fighters!
(Arvel gets into a ship.)
Arvel: This one is for you, Commodore Decker!
(Arvel launches his ship into space. Flash back to Benson and Aquarii, who are trying to crash the ship they are in while tied up in metal ropes.)
Benson: BENSON HAS AN IDEA!
Benson: THERE IS A BOMB ON THE SHIP!
(The metallic ropes explode off of them)
Aquarii: Unfortunately, we are still locked in this bomb-proof ship.
Benson: CRASH THE DARN SHIP!!!
(Aquarii easily crashes the ship ...into the White House.)
George W. Bush: Laura!!! I wanted some pancakes, not a space-ship! Security!
(Scene to Space battle, Capitalist Ships and Star-Wings fly into the fray)
(Adam shoots a few Communist ships with a QVFD Cannon)
Arvel: Here they come!
(Thousands of Sickle Fighters launch into space, in the transport, a random protocol droid walks out of a closet)
PONG-01: Oh dear...
Nikita: How the hell did you get out of there? Get back in the closet and shut the on off!
(Nikita beats PONG-01 with a metal cane until he gets back into the closet)
PONG-01: Oh dear that hurts terribly!
(Nikita inserts a magnet onto PONG-01's head, causing him to sing folk songs mindlessly while sitting down)
PONG-01: Ohhh she'll be coming around the mountain when she comes!
(Adam closes the door)
Adam: That was annoying.
(Meanwhile, on Arvel on his A-Wing makes his way towards the Capitalist Destroyer Stalinator. Dizberg backs him up with gunfire from the transport.)
Dizberg: I can't back you up forever! This gun sucks at the range you're going!
Arvel: Fight for the transport!
Arvel: I don't care!
Dizberg: Damn you!
(Dizberg fights closer targets. Dramatic music is cued. Arvel closes his eyes and takes another shot of whiskey. He hits the bridge of the Stalinator, crashing his A-wing through a window. He is quickly captured by Commtroopers on board.)
Arvel: Shit. Well, that didn't work out like I planned...
(Arvel is hit with a stun weapon and is dragged to the brig. The A-Wing suddenly explodes, with some electricity from a surviving battery contacting with the throttle's previous position. The throttle is maxed out, causing the Stalinator to go on a collision course with Earth. The estimated area of fall - Strangetown Commie HQ.)
CommPilot: C'mon Commie Squadron... DESTROY THAT TRANSPOR- AHHHHHH! (Sickle fighter shot down by Starwing)
(Switch to a split screen view. Bob is on one line in the Commie HQ. The other is Darth in is sickle fighter)
Bob: Sir! We have a situation!
Darth: What? Is the toilet not working again?
Bob: No sir. It's something much more minor. The Stalinator is on a crash course with us.
Darth: Who cares? It will not damage the invincible base!
Bob: The base is only invincible against Capitalists...
Bob: Just joking. But you do understand that when the warp core explodes after it hits the base, a black hole will form, and suck the entire world into a small dense singularity, right?
Darth: Yes. I don't care.
Bob: But Mother Russia will die!
Darth: What? I'm playing space invaders right now. Shut up.
Bob: I was just joking. The Stalinator is being pulled to land harmlessly.
(Stalinator lands harmlessly on a desert area, sims think that an alien has crashed)
Sim #1: WE MA POGA!
Sim #2: You do know you don't have to speak Simlish anymore, don't you?
(A Commtrooper comes out.)
Commtrooper: You don't have to speak English anymore. As a new citizen of the Democratic Republic of Engelsfair you are required to speak Russian or Newspeak.
Sim #2: Oh...
(Meanwhile, in the White House)
Benson: BENSON CAN GIVE YOU PANCAKES! BENSON CAN GIVE YOU MANY PANCAKES IF YOU DON'T ARREST HIM AND HIS FREIND!
Bush: Who is this Benson char-akter?
Benson: BENSON IS BETTER THAN YOU! BENSON IS BENSON!
Aquarii: I am sorry Mr. President, but he lacks the ability to talk in first person.
Bush: And I thought I was stupid!
(Switch scenes. The fighting in space isn't as terrible, but now the blaster rifles are losing power.)
Emmzed: I don't think it's possible that we can hold out much longer...
Supwealuhop: I can try and help.
(Supwealuhop sprinkles curry onto the blaster rifles. The rifles get the added benefit of disintegration of ships into curry powder and a longer life span. Supwealuhop also sprinkles curry onto the fletchings of Kiera and Braycat and they join in the fight. A knock is heard on the airlock. Zatoichi attempts to open it. Han is found, tattered, beaten and frozen by the cold temperature of space. Credits roll)