User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/102
Episode #102: Unforseen Consequences
(Suddenly, commietroopers bust through the airlock and arrest everyone aboard. They are taken to the commie base and locked into a brig guarded by 2 guards. Supwealuhop takes out a tape recorder.)
Supwealuhop: Physician's Log, supplimental. Stardate 2007. We have been captured by a group of commietroopers, and sent back to the very brig we had tried to escape before. Han had survived the cold reaches of space, and we are trying to figure out why.
Han: That's because I'm not HAN!
(Han morphs into Doppleganger and is guided out of the cell)
Supwealuhop: No fair.
(All of a sudden, one of the guards attacks the other one, killing him, and releases the prisoners.)
Commietrooper: Go quickly.
Minh: Who are you and why do you not follow Darth?
Commietrooper: There is no time. Go quickly.
Nikita: Show us your identity!
Commietrooper: Listen: This is REALLY going to blow my cover.
Emmzed: Just show us!
Commietrooper: Oh for Christ's sake!
(The commietrooper takes off his helmet. He is revealed to be Han)
Han: You happy? Now go to the deck to get a Capitalist Destroyer and escape before you're caught! I need to take care of Darth.
(The group runs.)
Emmzed: My lumberjack senses are tingling!
(A load of commietroopers appear behind them.)
Commietrooper: Get them!!!
Nikita: This isn't good.
(They are chased as they rush towards the deck. They all rush into a Capitalist Destroyer.)
Emmzed: Quickly! Start the engines!
Nikita: But we need the keys!
Emmzed: Hotwire it then!!! Quickly!
Emmzed: JUST DO IT!!!
(Switch scene to Han. He is in a corridor. There is a commietrooper around a corner. He sneaks towards the commietrooper and shoots the trooper with his stun-gun. He then head-kicks the guard to death.)
Other Commietrooper: (from round corner) Hey, what was that noise?
(Han hides while the living commietrooper comes down the corridor round the corner and investigates the dead commietrooper. He aims his stun gun at the living trooper and fires. Unluckily he misses. The trooper sees the bolt given off by the gun and looks up. He sees Han and starts walking towards him...)
(Back to the ruins of the White House)
Bush: Don't worry, I will put food on you!
Benson: YOU DO KNOW BENSON OWNS THE BHOP CHAIN, RIGHT?
(A guy comes in)
Guy: Not anymore! It was just bought by some guy called Engelsfair. It is now CHOC. Commie House of Commies.
Benson: WHAT??? BENSON DID NOT GIVE PERMISSION FOR THAT TO HAPPEN!!! UNLEASH THE DEADLIEST WEAPON IN THE UNIVERSE!!
Guy: The Death Star? But that belo-
Benson: NO! THE LAWYERS!
Guy: I don't see how the lawy-
Bush: Don't worry, I'll sort you out. As long as I can have some delicious pancakes afterwards.
Benson: IT'S AGREED!
Guy: And would you both please stop interup-
Benson: WE'LL THINK ABOUT IT.
(Switch scene back to original space-ship, a few ships down from the one the recently-freed captives are on. PONG-01 gets out of the closet.)
PONG-01: (still malfunctioning from magnet on head) Where is every- b- odeeeee? So... many... lithiums. Emmzed? Man, when I get my h-h-h-h-h-hands on that Nikeeeta...
PONG-01: Okay, I'd better check the coooondition this ship is in, and issue a damage re-re-report. (He moves over to console.)
PONG-01: Now, this b-button heeere. I'm sure I recall that does sumpting. I think it might issue a report of the damages... (He presses the button. The ship's engines kick in...)
PONG-01: Oh, that's the emeergency turbo-charger. I wonder how it staaaaarted without the keys in the ignition. Oh, they're still in...
(The ship crashes through the airlock in front of it, severely damaging it. As it zooms away, the bridge bursts into flames.)'
Obviously-Computer-Generated Female Voice: (coming from speakers located around ship) Emergency oxygen shield activated! Emergency oxygen shield activated! Emergency oxygen shield activated!
PONG-01: Great. Now all the oxygen is being kept inside, this thing can turn into a giant f-f-f-fireball. I don't even need oxygen. I hate these stupid automatic protection systems. They always just make things woooooooorse...
(PONG-01 is almost immediately consumed into the fire.)
PONG-01: I-I-I don't know w-why I feel pain!!! AAAAAAAAA!
(Switch scenes. Shamus has hotwired the Capitalist Destroyer because Nikita lacks such skills. They are blasting through the dock's walls.)
Emmzed: Something is missing here...Oh, I know!
(Emmzed places a little Canadian hula dancer with a Ukalele and plaid skirt on the dashboard. Everyone looks at Emmzed strangely.)
Emmzed: What? What's wrong with a Canadian hula dancer?
(Argon File comes on board the ship after escaping the brig using a welding torch.)
Argon: I WILL BURN THINGS!
(Argon modifies one of the ship's guns to become a flamethrower and mans it, burning sickle fighters trying to destoy the Capitalist Destroyer)
Argon: BURNING SICKLE FIGHTERS!
Dizberg: Well...as long as he is content...
(Back with Benson, a guy explains to some lawyers how Engelsfair took over BHOP to make it CHOC. The lawyers are just commies.)
Lawyers: Well, I see nothing wrong here...
Benson: WELL YOU MUST BE BLIND! BUSH, DO SOMETHING!
(Bush starts playing with a Game Boy he had in his pocket.)
Benson: I MEAN DO SOMETHING SO I CAN HAVE MY RESTAURANT BACK!
Bush: Okay, but I'm still playing Pokemon afterwards!
(Bush signs an executive order forcing Engelsfair to give Benson his restaurant back. Meanwhile in the commie base in a nondescript room, Darth is talking to Emperor Stalin)
Darth: What is it?
Stalin: I just felt a disturbance in the law...
Stalin: Bush took away the chain of CHOC restaurants and gave them back to the screaming one.
Stalin: Shutup. Quit being a wussy and stop them for Marx's sake! Oh, and your prisoners have taken your personal Commie Destroyer.
Darth: You mean the one with the leather seats?
Stalin: Yes, the very one.
Darth: Have the Communist Star Fleet invade it at all costs. Just don't asplode it!
Stalin: Do it yourself.
Darth: RONALDS!!!!!! <calls Ronalds on his Cell Phone>
(Scene to Dark Knight Ronalds watching The Simpsons while eating CommuChips in a CommuRecliner. His cell phone rings.)
Ronalds: The Commie Destroyer has been recaptured.
(Commie destroyer lands, and the heroes, now prisoners, are taken out of it)
Braycat: In captivity, not. Captivity... not. MAKE IT STOP!!!!
Darth: Don't worry, the captivity will end...when you are brainwashed to be commies. And, I rebought BHOP. Or shall we say, CHOCCCCCCC. Commie House of COMMIECOMMIECOMMIECOMMIE etcetra.
(A policeman comes out, saying "NO Commie")
Darth: See the power of the brainwashing!
(Darth brainwashes the policeman)
Policeman: COMMIE!! WOOHOO!
(Arvel Chinchilla in an A-Wing smashes into the bridge of the Destroyer, destroying it. He is thrown some 9,000 feet into the air, and uses his parachute, only to land surrounded by CommTroopers. He is captured.)
Darth: MY DESTROYER!
Arvel: My freedom!!!
Adam: My OUROBOROS STATUE!!!
Darth: DAMN YOU ALL! PREPARE THE GAS CHAMBER!
Stalin: No. That is too inhumane even for Commies. <dissapears>
Darth: Awwwww...but I will now brainwash them to TOTAL COMMUNISM to be new CommTroopers.
(Meanwhile, outside the heavily guarded base, a mysterious figure wielding two six-shooters of n00bishness walks down a path. Credits roll, with western music in the background)