User:Uncyclopedian/UnScripts:The Young and the Uncyclopedians/106
Episode 106: The Hostile Hospital
(This episode begins.)
n00b: ...Cerid Marie.
PONG-03: Keira and Aquarii, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g!
Han: I've got it, wait, is it worth blowing this bot up with my last thermal detonator?
PONG-03: Keira cheats, Aquarii beats.
(Nikita takes of the previous magnet and inserts an alphabet magnet. A commietrooper comes down. PONG-03 rips part of his gut out and places it on his head.)
PONG-03: (Dancing) I AM THE QUEEN OF FRANCE! KEIRA HAS SEX WITH AQUARII'S ASS!!!
Han: FIRE IN THE HOLE! RUN LIKE HELL!
(Han throws the Thermal Detonator, PONG-03 catches, everyone except PONG runs like hell, PONG is blown up)
(Aquarii has sex with Keira when everyone is asleep)
Aquarii: WHO'S THE MAN IN THE VESELIA NOW, BABY?!
(In a security room...)
CommTrooper #1: Hey, check camera #43. That's where the prisoners were last seen.
CommTrooper: #2: Sure.
(Screen is switch to camera #43, they see Aquarii and Keira having sex)
(Robert comes in the room)
Robert: Hey, can I watch? I've got the popcorn!
CommTrooper #1: Aren't you one of the escaped prisoners?
Robert: Uh, no.
CommTrooper #2: Then the screen is all yours, buddy!
(The CommTroopers run away)
(Aquarii and Keira are going crazy doing sex. Braycat wakes up.)
Keira: Oh no.
(Braycat takes a knife from a sheath on his belt)
Braycat: Goodbye everyone. <enters a small weapons closet>
Indy: DON'T STEAL MY DEATH METAL BREAD!!!
(Braycat runs out of the weapons closet, PONG-04 chasing after him!)
PONG-04: Keira and Aquarii, having sex in bed, Keira fell off and bumped her head, so Aquarii called Braycat and Braycat said, "No more Keira having sex with you in bed!"
Adam: Ooh look, a self-destruct function! (causes PONG-04 to self-destruct)
Han: Damnit, that droid had to wake us up. And, OH MY GOD! COVER YOUR EYES.
Priest: SINNERS! <faints>
(Suddenly, Robert comes and videotapes the sex)
Robert: Say cheese.
Adam: AAAUUUGGGHHH!!! <faints>
Cerid: What now? AAUUUGGHH!!! <faints>
Han: Don't look back, don't look back...
(Han sees the sex in a mirror, and faints)
Emmzed: OH MY MAPLE SYRUP! <Faints>
Indy: NOT ENOUGH CONTENTS IN THE SEX!!! <faints>
Shandion: Agh!!! <faints>
Shandion's dog: WOOF!!! <doesn't faint>
Keira: I think we should stop for the night. Everyone is fainting. And I don't know if this is good for my baby.
Aquarii: Even Jack Bauer would stop now.
Robert: Please keep going!!!
(They both put their clothes on and pretend nothing happened)
Keira: I need to get to the hospital to have my baby!!!! NOW!!!
Aquarii: But it wasn't supposed to come out for 5 days!
Keira: Quickly... <Lays down>
Aquarii: SUPWEALUHOP, WAKE UP!
(Sup wakes up, but can't help.)
Supwealuhop: You thought I could help with a human BABY?
Aquarii: YOU'RE A FUCKING DOCTOR!
Keira: Ooh look, a car!
(Aquarii drives Keira to a hospital, Alka'anad is there)
Alka'anad: Now can I have my prescription and get out of here with a cast over the leg the heroes broke?
Nurse: Sorry sir, you won't be discharged today.
(Alka'anad enchants the nurse)
Aquarri: Damn, that guy is here. Let's try to sneak around him!
Alka'anad: You dare face me again!?!
Aquarii: Get out of the way! You know that Shoshone woman?
Keira: Yes, I am... I need... a healer..
Alka'anad: Who cares?
Keira and Aquarii: WE DO!!!
(Aquarii kicks Alka'anad out of the hospital, and gets a doctor)
Doctor: So this woman is...pregnant?
Doctor: I need reinforcements!!!
Aquarii: JUST HURRY! THERE IS NOT ENOUGH TIME! NOW!!!
Doctor: What is her name?
Doctor: Keira, last name, and middle initial?
(Another doctor comes in)
Keira: No middle, no last.
Doctor #1: Why not?
Aquarii: Keira is a Shoshone. She has no last and first name. HURRY!
Doctor #2: Ok, GET HER ON THE STRECHER! SHE NEEDS IMMEDIATE ATTENTION.
Nurse: Wait! She's not a registered patient here! She'll need to fill out a few forms first!
Aquarii: Oh great. JUST HURRY!
(Nurse then gives Keira a large stack of forms)
Doctor #1: You will have to manually fill out those forms in triplicates.
Doctor #1: The bureaucracy is expanding for the expanding needs of the expanding bureaucracy.
Nurse: All praise Alka'anad!!!
(Alka'anad comes in, with a rifle, and then trips with his broken leg, gets up, and runs)
Aquarii: If this takes too long, I'll have this place airstriked!
(Keira fills out the forms once)
Nurse: Now write them in triplicate!
(Keira writes them in triplicate)
Nurse: It seems like the guy who processes these forms is sick today. You'll have to go down to the room by yourself and organize the forms.
(Meanwhile down the hall)
Doctor #3: Listen, I don't care if you have Ebola! You still need to get those papers to the room over there!
(The man throws up, but gets on his way to the office. He then scans the forms)
Doctor #1: Alright... the forms are scanned, get Ms. "Keira" on the stretcher...
Keira: I... am... pregnant...
Doctor #2: We know. Now please, lay on here, and we can start...
(She is carted to the operating room. A clown knocks on the doors and is allowed to come in)
Clown: Huhuhuhuh! I'm Officer Ronalds McDonalds, here to make you laugh throughout your operation!
Doctor #3: WHO LET THIS GUY IN? THAT ONLY WORKS ON CHILDREN. <kicks out the clown> If you want to entertain anyone entertain the Ebola patient next door!
Clown (Ronalds): <Talks into flower> Sorry Lord Communist, I can't get in.
Darth: Just get in that room somehow!
Clown(Ronalds): Er, ok.
(Ronalds is relieved he has not had to reveal his secret love of Keira. A doctor comes out.)
Doctor #3: I SAID GO AND ENTERTAIN THAT EBOLA PATIENT BEFORE I SHOVE THAT UNICYCLE UP YOUR ASS!
(Ronalds reluctantly goes into the Ebola patient's room. Meanwhile in the operating room...)
Keira: (Heavy panting)
(Ronalds gets into a new disguise: a doctor)
Doctor #3: <thinking> Whew, I have not had to reveal my secret love of the nurse!
Aquarii: Can you just get on with it? Have you been doctors for five seconds?
Doctor #1: Well, actually I got my diploma off the back of a box of Lucky Charms. I honestly don't know what the hell I'm doing.
(The doctors get on with it)
Doctor #1: Mmm, cake.
Doctor #2: Am I the only qualified doctor here?
Doctor #3: Well, I got a doctorate in 15 minutes in Las Vegas. Does that count?
Ronalds: No. But I am a qualified doctor.